Commemorative video for friend, what would you do at DVinfo.net

Lalo Alvidrez · September 7th, 2006, 04:27 PM

I offered my services to a friend that lost his mother. Told him I could do a video of his mother. Well he called me on it a couple of days ago and I was prepared to do it but when I started going through the pictures he included pictures of her when she was in the hospital and of her at the funeral in the casket. I didn't say anything then but today I sent him an email letting him know that I would rather commemorate her life and not her death. Also said that I would include them in the video if that's what he truly wanted. Has anyone ever done a video like this? Don't know how to fit the funeral pictures in. What would you do?

Peter Jefferson · September 8th, 2006, 07:18 AM

i do many funerals and presentations whch play AT funerals..

"I would rather commemorate her life and not her death."
This is also the attitude i have, and im abundantly clear that a funeral, as deep as it is,, is a gathering of friends to remember the life of the person, not to drown in sorrow at their loss.

What i usually recomend to clients and parlours is teh following

- Suitable PARTY Music which is in teh vibe of the deceased
- letters and poems which the deceased may be fond of (war veterans, or during the deceased courtship to their betrothed..etc etc) and then have the kids/grandkids other relatives do voiceover etc
- Images of the person through life in a variety of differnt stages and ages.. starting from young to old.
Then moving on to include the kids, grandkids and extneded families
- Discuss the mood of the Eulogy with the family, as most people WOULD prefer to have the life celebrated, they dont realiase how morbid theyre being (I dont blame them of course),
But being an outside source, does help their perspective on HOW your going to show the final goodbye for this person, having teh patience to listen with an empathetic ear is VERY important. Probably AS import as the production itself.
Oh and takes notes and write down key phrases...

This isnt the kind of production where you can send a form out for the client to fill and then you're right to go..
Funerals are much easier than weddings though.. i just wish they paid more :)

Glen Elliott · September 8th, 2006, 10:52 AM

I think you handled it in a good way. Leave the option open if the client is set on including pictures from the funeral. Both can work. One of the most moving videos I've ever seen was the Tribute to Bobby Warns by Darrell Boeck and that was a video mixing stills and funeral video.

Vincent Croce · September 8th, 2006, 11:03 AM

I did a tribute dvd to my dad about a year after he passed and gave them to my family. I included all the pics and video I had of him, even used the answering machine message by him as the intro to one of the segments, along with a scan of his business card. Nothing of his stay in the hospital or funeral (not that we had any pics of these things anyway. Everyone in the family thought it was in good taste, but I know my family. I think you're doing the right thing with your friend in pointing it out and letting him decide...

Lalo Alvidrez · September 11th, 2006, 02:42 PM

Haven't heard from him yet but I'll keep you all posted as to what happens.

Peter Jefferson · September 11th, 2006, 09:45 PM

"I included all the pics and video I had of him, even used the answering machine message by him as the intro to one of the segments, "

Wow dude... hearing his voice like that.. as an afterthought.. a common everyday thing people do... things we take for granted which are now fundamental parts of our memories...

Its amazing how much we want to hang onto everything.. even the smallest tidbit of them... when our loved ones are gone..

any loss is tragic.. and any opportunity to hang onto that lost one should be taken and nurtured...

September 7th, 2006, 04:27 PM	#1
Lalo Alvidrez Major Player Join Date: May 2006 Location: Longview, Tx. Posts: 227	Commemorative video for friend, what would you do I offered my services to a friend that lost his mother. Told him I could do a video of his mother. Well he called me on it a couple of days ago and I was prepared to do it but when I started going through the pictures he included pictures of her when she was in the hospital and of her at the funeral in the casket. I didn't say anything then but today I sent him an email letting him know that I would rather commemorate her life and not her death. Also said that I would include them in the video if that's what he truly wanted. Has anyone ever done a video like this? Don't know how to fit the funeral pictures in. What would you do?

September 8th, 2006, 07:18 AM	#2
Peter Jefferson Inner Circle Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Aus Posts: 3,884	i do many funerals and presentations whch play AT funerals.. "I would rather commemorate her life and not her death." This is also the attitude i have, and im abundantly clear that a funeral, as deep as it is,, is a gathering of friends to remember the life of the person, not to drown in sorrow at their loss. What i usually recomend to clients and parlours is teh following - Suitable PARTY Music which is in teh vibe of the deceased - letters and poems which the deceased may be fond of (war veterans, or during the deceased courtship to their betrothed..etc etc) and then have the kids/grandkids other relatives do voiceover etc - Images of the person through life in a variety of differnt stages and ages.. starting from young to old. Then moving on to include the kids, grandkids and extneded families - Discuss the mood of the Eulogy with the family, as most people WOULD prefer to have the life celebrated, they dont realiase how morbid theyre being (I dont blame them of course), But being an outside source, does help their perspective on HOW your going to show the final goodbye for this person, having teh patience to listen with an empathetic ear is VERY important. Probably AS import as the production itself. Oh and takes notes and write down key phrases... This isnt the kind of production where you can send a form out for the client to fill and then you're right to go.. Funerals are much easier than weddings though.. i just wish they paid more :) Last edited by Peter Jefferson; September 8th, 2006 at 11:07 AM.

September 8th, 2006, 10:52 AM	#3
Glen Elliott Wrangler Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 2,898	I think you handled it in a good way. Leave the option open if the client is set on including pictures from the funeral. Both can work. One of the most moving videos I've ever seen was the Tribute to Bobby Warns by Darrell Boeck and that was a video mixing stills and funeral video. __________________ Glen Elliott Cord 3 Films

September 8th, 2006, 11:03 AM	#4
Vincent Croce Major Player Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Fort Myers, FL Posts: 263	I did a tribute dvd to my dad about a year after he passed and gave them to my family. I included all the pics and video I had of him, even used the answering machine message by him as the intro to one of the segments, along with a scan of his business card. Nothing of his stay in the hospital or funeral (not that we had any pics of these things anyway. Everyone in the family thought it was in good taste, but I know my family. I think you're doing the right thing with your friend in pointing it out and letting him decide...

September 11th, 2006, 02:42 PM	#5
Lalo Alvidrez Major Player Join Date: May 2006 Location: Longview, Tx. Posts: 227	Haven't heard from him yet but I'll keep you all posted as to what happens.

September 11th, 2006, 09:45 PM	#6
Peter Jefferson Inner Circle Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Aus Posts: 3,884	"I included all the pics and video I had of him, even used the answering machine message by him as the intro to one of the segments, " Wow dude... hearing his voice like that.. as an afterthought.. a common everyday thing people do... things we take for granted which are now fundamental parts of our memories... Its amazing how much we want to hang onto everything.. even the smallest tidbit of them... when our loved ones are gone.. any loss is tragic.. and any opportunity to hang onto that lost one should be taken and nurtured...