Crew Jokes

Lori Starfelt · July 10th, 2009, 03:30 PM

How many directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
101 - One to do the job and 100 others to say they could have done it better.

How can you tell the Teamster's children at a playground?
They're the ones watching all the other kids have fun.

What do you call an out of work director?
A writer.

What do you call an out of work actor?
A producer.

What do you call an actor whose girlfriend just broke up with him?
Homeless.

Annen James · February 20th, 2012, 02:12 PM

What does a DP's wife do after having sex...

pick him up from the airport!

Allan Black · February 20th, 2012, 04:35 PM

Director to soundie: What are you going to do about that traffic noise 10 floors below.

Soundie: Well, I'm going to hang a mic out the window and fade it out.

(True story)

Andrew Dean · February 29th, 2012, 05:50 AM

How many control room directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two... standby one... now one... get ready two and.... THREE!!! THREE!!!

Bill Ward · March 2nd, 2012, 08:19 AM

Q: How tall is the audio tech?
A: Dunno. No one has ever seen him standing up.

Allan Black · April 22nd, 2012, 01:27 AM

One time the 6 member cast assembled in the control room and were handed their scripts. After a quick look though,
I told them .. 'Ok into the studio and let's get under way'

This very attractive actress with the silky voice says to me .. 'we can't start yet Ann's not here'

We all looked at her somewhat stunned, Ann. was the Announcer. Lovely girl but thick. True story.

Cheers.

Frank Granovski · April 4th, 2015, 05:51 PM

How much am I getting paid again?

What do you call 2 left turns and ending home?
Baseball.

David Barnett · April 10th, 2015, 08:31 AM

Technical Director: Quick, somebody call me an engineer!
Crew: Ok, You're an engineer!

A sound guy I know told me he felt the least experienced person on an indie film set is usually the director.

Three Stooges - Hey look, we got a telegram.
Oh yeah, what's it say?
Do dot, dash dot
Gimmie that, you imbecile.

Andrew Smith · April 17th, 2015, 06:24 AM

Q: Why was the editor wearing roller skates at his desk?

A: He was performing a rolling edit.

Andrew Smith · March 14th, 2016, 05:04 AM

Not quite a crew joke, but ...

Q: What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

A: HDMI?

Andrew

Andrew Smith · June 3rd, 2019, 05:27 AM

Q: What is a Director of Photography's favourite beer?
A: Natural light.

Andrew

Jo Ouwejan · June 3rd, 2019, 06:27 AM

Tommy Cooper, the famous Brittish comedian, once took part in the shooting of a comedie.
Ad the end, he shook hands with several members of the crew, inviting them to "Have a drink on me!". A friend of mine was a member of the crew and he was pleasantly surprised, to find, that he felt and heared knispering paper in the hand he shook.
When Tommy had left the site, my friend looked in his hand and found a teabag . . .

Josh Bass · June 5th, 2019, 04:12 PM

Man. I am not seeing some long-time classics here:

If gaff tape falls off table, rolls away: "tape's rolling!"

After a long take that was tough on (usually nonprofessional--think corporate setting) talent, someone goes "great rehearsal, ready to do it for real?"

February 20th, 2012, 02:12 PM	#17
Annen James Regular Crew Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Ogden Posts: 161	Re: Crew Jokes What does a DP's wife do after having sex... pick him up from the airport!

February 20th, 2012, 04:35 PM	#18
Allan Black Inner Circle Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sydney. Posts: 2,947	Re: Crew Jokes Director to soundie: What are you going to do about that traffic noise 10 floors below. Soundie: Well, I'm going to hang a mic out the window and fade it out. (True story) __________________ Drink more tap water. On admission at Sydney hospitals more than 5% of day patients are de-hydrated.

February 29th, 2012, 05:50 AM	#19
Andrew Dean Major Player Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Motukarara, New Zealand Posts: 475	Re: Crew Jokes How many control room directors does it take to change a lightbulb? Two... standby one... now one... get ready two and.... THREE!!! THREE!!!

March 2nd, 2012, 08:19 AM	#20
Bill Ward Major Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 580	Re: Crew Jokes Q: How tall is the audio tech? A: Dunno. No one has ever seen him standing up.

April 22nd, 2012, 01:27 AM	#21
Allan Black Inner Circle Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Sydney. Posts: 2,947	Re: Crew Jokes One time the 6 member cast assembled in the control room and were handed their scripts. After a quick look though, I told them .. 'Ok into the studio and let's get under way' This very attractive actress with the silky voice says to me .. 'we can't start yet Ann's not here' We all looked at her somewhat stunned, Ann. was the Announcer. Lovely girl but thick. True story. Cheers. __________________ Drink more tap water. On admission at Sydney hospitals more than 5% of day patients are de-hydrated.

July 10th, 2009, 03:30 PM	#16
Lori Starfelt Major Player Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Los Angeles, california Posts: 228	How many directors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 101 - One to do the job and 100 others to say they could have done it better. How can you tell the Teamster's children at a playground? They're the ones watching all the other kids have fun. What do you call an out of work director? A writer. What do you call an out of work actor? A producer. What do you call an actor whose girlfriend just broke up with him? Homeless.

April 4th, 2015, 05:51 PM	#22
Frank Granovski Outer Circle Join Date: May 2002 Location: Hope, BC Posts: 7,524	Re: Crew Jokes How much am I getting paid again? What do you call 2 left turns and ending home? Baseball.

April 10th, 2015, 08:31 AM	#23
David Barnett Major Player Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Philly, PA Posts: 951	Re: Crew Jokes Technical Director: Quick, somebody call me an engineer! Crew: Ok, You're an engineer! A sound guy I know told me he felt the least experienced person on an indie film set is usually the director. Three Stooges - Hey look, we got a telegram. Oh yeah, what's it say? Do dot, dash dot Gimmie that, you imbecile.

April 17th, 2015, 06:24 AM	#24
Andrew Smith Equal Opportunity Offender Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 3,068	Re: Crew Jokes Q: Why was the editor wearing roller skates at his desk? A: He was performing a rolling edit.

March 14th, 2016, 05:04 AM	#25
Andrew Smith Equal Opportunity Offender Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 3,068	Re: Crew Jokes Not quite a crew joke, but ... Q: What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray? A: HDMI? Andrew

June 3rd, 2019, 05:27 AM	#26
Andrew Smith Equal Opportunity Offender Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Brisbane, Australia Posts: 3,068	Re: Crew Jokes Q: What is a Director of Photography's favourite beer? A: Natural light. Andrew

June 3rd, 2019, 06:27 AM	#27
Jo Ouwejan Major Player Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Veenendaal, Holland Posts: 225	Re: Crew Jokes Tommy Cooper, the famous Brittish comedian, once took part in the shooting of a comedie. Ad the end, he shook hands with several members of the crew, inviting them to "Have a drink on me!". A friend of mine was a member of the crew and he was pleasantly surprised, to find, that he felt and heared knispering paper in the hand he shook. When Tommy had left the site, my friend looked in his hand and found a teabag . . .

June 5th, 2019, 04:12 PM	#28
Josh Bass Slash Rules! Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Houston, Texas Posts: 5,472	Re: Crew Jokes Man. I am not seeing some long-time classics here: If gaff tape falls off table, rolls away: "tape's rolling!" After a long take that was tough on (usually nonprofessional--think corporate setting) talent, someone goes "great rehearsal, ready to do it for real?" __________________ The Bass' camerawork The Bass on IMDB