Ridiculous Job Offers / Demands!!

[Luis Caffesse]

By the way, I"m not sure if someone mentioned this already,
but there is a website devoted to these kinds of job postings.

If you've got some time to kill, it's good for a laugh
(although the comments can be rather vulgar sometimes):

www.f***thatjob.com

[James Emory]

Craig, that is truly RIDICULOUS! Good job posting that one!

[George Ellis]

This was just posted in the Hash forum

========================

As a form of introduction below is link to my IMDB credits.

http://www.imdb.com/name/ *Redacted*

I am looking for an Animation Master artist interested in creating a 5 to 7 minute cinematic IN THE STYLE OF an Atari Video Game titled Axis and Allies.

This is a NON-PAYING gig. Sorry but it’s just not in the budget, however, it’s good for building a resume. I have had success in the past on the festival circuit and while I CAN’T PROMISE your work will be seen it’s a pretty good bet.

I will give you total creative freedom, I’ve seen what your software is capable of and I’m not interested in stifling a talented artist. All I want is the finished product in 16x9 aspect ratio and MOV format.

World War II knowledge or interest is a plus. Dallas/Fort Worth Area is huge plus.

If you are interested please e-mail at *redacted* with a simple bio and a link to any sample work you have online.

Students, minorities, woman, second career workers, are encouraged to respond.

Thank you.
*Redacted* ;)

==================

This is a huge joke. 5-7 minutes of cinematic animation!
Here is a quoted response that will give you an idea what a crock this one is.

"Yeh - but a 5-7 minute cinematic is quite an ask!

Lets see - 42 to 84 days fulltime animation work (working on 5-10 seconds animation per day) then there is the model design and building, texturing, rigging, lighting - oh and lets not forget the rendering!"

Rendering? I rendered a DV clip 8 seconds long with a single actor and alpha for a background. A very simple task. It was NTSC and took 8 hours. What he wants will have lighting, all sorts of effects, etc. Maybe a month to render or more is my guess. ;)

[Luis Caffesse]

My favorite part of that is "This is a NON-PAYING gig. Sorry but it’s just not in the budget"

Not in the budget?
What budget?


Classic...

[Craig Seeman]

He wants someone with "lots of experience shooting videos" . . . and a stipend of $5 x the number of car videos you shoot!!!!!!!!

Someone should set their phone to auto dial and flood his phone line!


Must have your own small digital video camera, Macintosh computer, fast internet connection, lots of experience shooting videos, and a passion for putting videos on the internet.
No pay except for a stipend equal to $5 X the number of car videos you shoot that day (could be 1 or could be 20 in the case of a used car dealer).
The best way for us to proceed is for you to visit our website (new and changing) at www.VideosOfCars.com and then email me a note with a resume and a compelling reason for why you want to start for us.
Must dedicate at least 20 hours per week. Other interesting assignments also available.
Please call me to follow-up at 914.381.3737.
Thanks,
Frank Sisco

[Josh Bass]

Wow. Spectacularly crappy.

How bout people write in with their examples of what things really mean vs. what they say?

For example:

"Deferred payment" or "you'll get payed when the movie gets sold" = you ain't gettin' paid, fool.

[Josh Bass]

This count?

"I am looking for a experienced camera man/woman for the Selena Reunion Concert. On April 7th (Reliant Arena) I need someone who has experience in camera work. Or perhaps a college student who has finished many of the Television Production courses.
You will get to attend & film all the backstage, red carpet & the press room.
This is an excellent opportunity for someone who is trying to get in the industry who knows how to work with professional cameras.
I need someone who has their own camera, and If not then I can bring one from our studios in CA. Or perhaps rent one in Houston.

I am not looking for a beginner or someone who just wants to attend the concert and meet the celebs. I am looking for someone who knows what they are doing. Your experience can be of working with another station or you can simply be in college learning Television Production but have experience at least in shooting for your college station or other.

These are the cameras that I am looking for you to have or use:
SONY PD 150- PANASONIC DVX 100A "

[Craig Seeman]

Hey if you have After Effects, DVD Studio Pro, Motion, Photoshop skills in additiion to being an EXPERIENCED editor you can make $12/hr!


Looking for a Professional Videographer / a Professional Photographer / and a Professional Editor, in the Brooklyn, NY area. With starting salary of $12 per Hr.
Salary will depend on your skills and the equipment you have/own. I am looking for people with experience in the Wedding, Documentary, or/and
Commercial field.
Having your own equipment will help "not a requirement"...
Requirement for each position:

The Video Editor Position
We are looking for a Final Cut Pro editor, with some or lots of skills in After Effects, Apple DVD Studio Pro, Soundtrack, Apple Motion, Photoshop, etc. Someone who also feels comfortable editing all kind of events and can deliver in a professional style.

The Videographer Position
We are looking for people with a DVX100A Panasonic, and lots of skills filming. You'll need to be well dress when need it for a "Wedding, Birthday Party, Corporate Event, etc. "We need someone who feels comfortable with the Camera and filming all sorts of events"

The Photographer Position
We are looking for people with lots of skills taking photos with their own Professional Digital Camera Canon/Nikon, etc.
"If you don't have the equipment but are very good at using it and have lots of skills in the field we'll provide the equipment to you"

E-mail me at LuckStay@aol.com with your resume or web site profile or a DVD with some of your work, or all of the above.

We are looking for professional, responsible, and talented people. Who can also be available at any time if possible. Please do not reply to us if you can't meet the requirements or are none of the above.
For more info email me at LuckStay@aol.com

Thanks, Hope to speak to you soon.

[Dylan Couper]

<<<-- Originally posted by Craig Seeman :

The Videographer Position
We are looking for people with a DVX100A Panasonic, and lots of skills filming.

Thanks, Hope to speak to you soon. -->>>

I need a $4000 camera to make $12 an hour? Sweet.

Yeah, this one is pretty bad, even though it pays.

[James Emory]

Nobody is making money but they air in 44 markets. What?

I have seen clips of the show and the website and the production value is very good, so good that I find it hard to believe that nobody is charging for their time. Someone has got to be getting paid.

Crew
"We are looking for several key production positons to join our team. We are an exciting TV show airing weekly called Xxxx Xxxxxxx XX hosted out of Xxxxxxx. Our show presently reaches 12 million cable homes in the Southeast. ... 44 markets total. We are an all volunteer crew looking to make a difference, and with your help we can do it. Our schedule is flexible to yours. We want this to become your professional hobby, after you take care of your other commitments. Our team is made up of industry professionals looking to add to there reels, to grow and learn, and contribute to show making a difference.

Our markets include Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Atlanta among others. We air on non-profit stations. Our purpose is recognizing the people, places and activities making a difference. We have interviewed the following people recently Ted Turner, Magic Johnson, Emeril Lagasse, LeAnn Rhimes, Rudy Giuliani, Carson Kressley, Fantasia and Carolyn Kepcher. Other recent interviews include Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, Cybill Shepard, Charlie Sheen, Robert Redford, Michael Kors, Tommy Hilfiger, Vera Wang, Robert Verdi, Donald Trump, Mark Burnett. Our web site is a good source to learn more about us www.XxxxXxxxxxxXx.com Also included on there are recent shows that have aired.

We looked for the best, thus we want you part of our team. Let's talk. Send us your resume and we'll go from there. Thanks in advance for your interest. -- Xxxx"

Editors
"Looking for experienced Final Cut Pro Editiors. We are all volunteer crew. If you are looking for actual TV editing experience to add to your reel this is opportunity is for you. We are an exciting TV show airing weekly called Xxxx Xxxxxxx XX hosted out of Xxxxxxx. We would like for this to become your professional hobby. Something you enjoy and can give several hours a week outside your other commitments. It truly is a fun, challenging and rewarding atmosphere. Only prerequiste is you have a good eye for quality editing (keeping your audience engaged)

Our show presently reaches 12 million cable homes in the Southeast. ... 44 markets total (all non-profit stations). Markets include Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Atlanta among others. Our purpose is recognizing the people, places and activities making a difference. We have interviewed the following people recently Ted Turner, Magic Johnson, Emeril Lagasse, LeAnn Rhimes, Rudy Giuliani, Carson Kressley, Fantasia and Carolyn Kepcher. Other recent interviews include Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, Cybill Shepard, Charlie Sheen, Robert Redford, Michael Kors, Tommy Hilfiger, Vera Wang, Robert Verdi, Donald Trump, Mark Burnett. Our web site is a good source to learn more about us www.XxxxXxxxxxxXx.com Also included on there are recent shows that have aired.

Look forward to talking with you further about this opportunity. If your not in Xxxxxxx, we can mail footage to you to edit. Submitting your resume and eventually your reel is the first steps to discussing possibilites with us. We want the best! And you are...."

[James Emory]

Forget the crappy pay, this is just plain ridiculous

"I am looking to hire someone to film and create a DVD of the upcoming Xxxxx AFB airshow this weekend. Sorry I know it's late notice! I also want some slides, and prints of the show. In particular any F-4 Phantom activity. An F-4 is scheduled to do the Heritage Flight at this show, so I want flyby and static shots if possible. YOU will retain all copyrights to the images, this is not for commercial purpose, only home use. I do this myself in California, but cannot make the show, so I want to hire someone to do it for me.

Pls be pro or semi pro, with telephoto attachment for flybys on the video/dvd, and a minimum of 400-500mm for still shots, plus wide angle for statics. Pay is negotiable.

Compensation: $10 per vhs tape, $10 per DVD, $5 per dozen still shots"

[Craig Seeman]

Well if this one doesn't take the prize!



Interns wanted for video editing and/or shooting!!!
(5 boros +long island)

Video editor w/ artistic eye and creative flair needed for elegant wedding videos. Must have own editing equipment including the ability to use mini and full size dv tapes and have DVD burning capabilities. Editing software can be provided if needed. Must have basic to intermediate editing knowledge.

This position is unpaid, great for interns, film students and learning the ropes.
Schedule: flexible, mostly work from home.
Some training will be provided.

I am also looking to teach someone how to shoot and edit as my fill-in for future jobs. There is no pay during the training phase, but that will be revisited.

To work as my fill-in / replacement, you MUST HAVE A VEHICLE!!
To cover these weddings on your own as my replacement/fill-in you must also have 3 chip DV /DVcam digital video camera and wireless setup, camera light, tripod, etc.

Only serious people need reply!

How to reply to this posting:

1. Use "Editor position" as the subject of the email.
2. Cover letter and resume can be attached to the body of the email. Attach samples of your work as a separate file. Name the file "demo - your name" Replace your name with your actual name.

[James Emory]

Great find Craig! That guy needs GFY message for sure.

Is there another industry where so much can be demanded for so little....or NOTHING at all? I can't think of one.

[Dylan Couper]

I've got one from Craigslist:

"Doing a film on women and mountain biking -- filming at the Spokeswomen mountain bike camps the weekend of May 27 - 29 at Whistler Mountain. Would need to be at the mountain on May 26 and will finish at the end of the day on May 29.

Prefer people who can ride, especially women, and have experience with shooting 24p video. Food, lodging and mountain pass provided -- film credit, but no other compensation.

Also need a boom operator. "

3-4 days hard work for no pay? Film credit....?? Ooohhh... WOW....

Original link here if anyone wants to take this job.
http://vancouver.craigslist.org/cwg/72762012.html

[Craig Seeman]

Talk about slime. I later found out in a subsequent email that he videotapes seized autos at auction. He'll pay $10 extra for a 2nd wireless lav. Nothing to do with "reality show pilot." He's promoting the auctions. You bring $4000 worth of gear for an 8 hour shoot and make $12.50/hr!


I need Cameraman/woman to shoot regularly for new reality show pilot demo reel. This gig can be on a regular basis or just fill in work for you in the NY metro area.

You need to have your own Pro video Equipment (PD 150 OR 170 or like or better Equipment) with at least one Lavaliere mike. You can start almost immediately

It's pays $100 cash a day at the end of the day and the days are usually about 6 to 8 hours.

You can start working as early as Thursday and Saturday.

E-mail or call 1 877 349 8737 and ask for Mr. Filmore