Ridiculous Job Offers / Demands!!

[Josh Bass]

Well, this sounds entirely legitimate:

"Actor needed to record 30 second voicemail messages
Reply to: apply5003@boxpilot.com
Date: 2006-03-23, 7:38PM CST


Our company sends out voicemail broadcasts to prospects regularly. We need an actor who can sound natural to record the 30 second voicemail messages that we send out. You will need to follow a word-for-word script, but you must sound natural and like you aren't following a script. Essentially, you need to sound like a real person calling for a real reason, but you'll actually be acting. We don't want it to sound like a 'radio announcer' - rather, a real person calling.

You need to be available within 24 hours of receiving a request to do the recordings whenever we need them - they will happen once in a while. You just need to call a phone number and record the message over the phone - we'll email you the script. There are no guarantees on how much work there is.

Please send an email to us saying that you are interested, and we will send you more information back by email.


* Compensation: Compensation: $20 for each voicemail you record
* Telecommuting is ok.
* This is a contract job.
* no -- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!
* no -- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
* yes -- Reposting this message elsewhere is OK."

[Craig Seeman]

Just one of those PSA/COMMERCIALS for large, International Brand with professional crew, to be shoot for NO PAY.

PSA/Commercial

Reply to: gigs-144909634@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-24, 4:17PM EST


Low-budget PSA/Commercial Spot for large, International Brand with professional crew to be shot one day on April 1st in Brooklyn. Seeking Following Crew positions: First AD, Second AD, Art Director, Wardrobe, Makeup, Key Grip, Key Gaffer, Electrician, Production Assistants, First AC, Second AC. No pay, CREDIT ONLY. Crew with Equipment a bonus. Can negotiate low rate for any equipment.

Please email your resume and contact information to thesoccerproject@gmail.com.

Thank you for your interest.

this is in or around Brooklyn
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Credit Only, Non-Paid, Low Pay for Equipment

[Josh Bass]

Ok, this one's even in my area. I shan't be calling them, however, mostly due to the thing about the person with the best discount rate making their "final cut." I bet they want you to do all this shit for like $150 per commercial (PLEASE NOTE, IT DOES NOT SAY THAT ANYWHERE IN THE AD; THAT'S JUST A GUESS BASED ON THE FACT THAT THEY USE THE WORDS "DISCOUNT RATE" ABOUT 600 TIMES).

"Videographers Needed for Houston & Surrounding Areas
Reply to: job-144950660@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-24, 5:16PM CST


We are seeking full service local videographer companies and independent professional videographers in Houston and sorrounding areas. We would like to outsource our videogaphy & production work to create 30 & 60 seconds marketing & promotional video commercials.

COMPENSATION: Companies and individuals with the best discounted rates and quality of finished video samples will be able to make the final cut.

Please provide the answers to the following questions when responding to this ad:

- Discounted rates for a complete 30 & 60 seconds finished commercial package that would also include creating a script for that commercial.
- Discounted rates for a complete 30 & 60 seconds finished commercial package without any new script creation/ maybe just helping client with their own script.
- Do you have a studio/office with green /blue back ground kit to shoot commercials.
- Which part of Houston (examples: N, SW, S, E, etc OR Woodlands, Houston, etc) and surrounding areas you can service
- Samples of your work (website with video commercial, link, DVD, etc)
- References (3 previous clients)
- Your contact information, name, company name and best time to call.

List of Tasks to be included in a complete package:

- Visiting clients location for a production session (2-4 hours at location)
- Creating / helping (plan) clients with script (over the phone/ email) for the commercials
- Production (light, shoot and sound) of video commercials
- Editing, enhancements for commercials
- Voiceover, adding visuals, text, images, etc (visuals, edit & audio) for commercials
- Final delivery of commercial (DVD, mpeg, etc)
- Turn around time for the complete project (script to handing over the DVD)

PLEASE TYPE: "VIDEOGRAPHER OPPORTUNITY" IN THE SUBJECT LINE WHEN REPLYING TO THIS EMAIL.


* Compensation: Companies and individuals with the best discounted rates and quality of finished video samples will be able to make the final cut.
* This is a contract job.
* no -- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* no -- Please, no phone calls about this job!
* no -- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
* no -- Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK."

Go ahead, people, dissect.

[Craig Seeman]

Josh, this is the real kicker in my opinion

"- References (3 previous clients)"

Here's a company looking to "low ball" TV Commercial production and they want the contact info for 3 of your clients!!!!!

NEVER give client contact info to ANYONE! My clients are plainly visible on my reel. The viewer gets to decide if they like it. They get to judge my interpersonal skills be meeting ME. They get to ask details by speaking to ME.

[Josh Bass]

I'd never heard that before. On one's PA resume, it is often advised to give references with phone numbers. Apparently, not so much for other jobs? The whole thing just looked like a big pain in the ass to me. All the meetings, scripts, all that. . .I would think that for me, that's like $1000-1500 per commercial (I know some of you defecate on those rates--well, poop away!), and I just KNOW, magically, that they won't wanna pay anywhere near that much. It is, of course, much more irksome because it's in my area, and I am therefore somewhat tempted to contact them. But fear not, I won't.

[Josh Bass]

Ok, another. Notice how they gave a cute little name to getting screwed. Also note how they magically expect you to have read the ad and be available later the same day. Way to organize:

"PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS FOR VIDEO SHOOT TODAY........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: gigs-145315928@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-03-26, 8:07AM EST

Seeking Production Assistants for short video shoot today.

You'd need to be on set (call time) at 3pm today (location to be disclosed to you via email). NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY.

You'll be working with an experienced Director who's cordial yet stern; spontaneous and eclectic yet focused.
This is a "FEARO" (For Experience And Reel Only) gig, pronounced Pharaoh.

this is in or around New York

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Compensation: FEARO

[Craig Seeman]

Josh, references for PAs is one thing. If you're producer/shooter/editor though you're giving them info so they can steal your client. They're not looking for crew, they're looking for a producer and asking for your client contact list!!!! I consider that a MUCH GREATER SIN than the price.

I've done spots in $1000-$1500 range. $500-$750 a day for one or two days including shoot (1/3" 3 chip miniDV) and edit, no crew, no paid on camera talent and no revisions. Quick cable spots.

Originally Posted by Josh Bass

I'd never heard that before. On one's PA resume, it is often advised to give references with phone numbers. Apparently, not so much for other jobs? The whole thing just looked like a big pain in the ass to me. All the meetings, scripts, all that. . .I would think that for me, that's like $1000-1500 per commercial (I know some of you defecate on those rates--well, poop away!), and I just KNOW, magically, that they won't wanna pay anywhere near that much. It is, of course, much more irksome because it's in my area, and I am therefore somewhat tempted to contact them. But fear not, I won't.

[Josh Bass]

Thanks for the reference tip. I'd never thought about it before, honestly (damn type B personality).

The 5-700 feels a little low for all that, especially considering the meetings and all that crap (on the ad, not your personal experience). Was that in a smaller market? I'm still on Houston currency, here.

[James Emory]

Craig is right, those folks are on crack. That list of requirements is too exhaustive if for no other reason, cheapness. They're never going to find anyone that does a great job to work under those terms and conditions. They didn't seem to ask for specific contact info but just for references. I agree to never release info about your clients contact info though. Josh, see if you can find out how much they are willing to pay.

[James Emory]

These folks need to look in the dictionary to refresh their memory of what the definition of entry level is!

"Seeking shooter/editor for 30-40 hours week. The more skills you have, the more hours available. Proficient on FCP/Premier editing software, proficient on After Effects, Photo Shop, DVD authoring, Sound Forge. Please send resume and cover letter."

[Josh Bass]

Oy. . .you want me to FOR REAL contact them? Argghghghgh. Maybe. If one gives a reference, what good is it without contact info? Isn't that the point of the reference?

[Craig Seeman]

Hi Josh,

Market is actually NYC but for $1000-$1500 they get NO meeting and NO script and NO light kit (and no assistant at all) . . . well they write the script and email it to me and I give 'em a price. Basically if I can do it by myself taking public transportation . . . if I need a car the price goes UP.

Example: A person opens a personal fitness club. I shoot the rooms and some folks working out with releases and throw it together with a provided logo. That's a range of $62.50/hr to $93.75/hr for 16 hours work. Low, but these are what I call "one day wonders." Would you believe that over half the businesses that inquire find this rate TOO HIGH!

BTW I've been undersold by people doing this as low as $25-$37.50/hr thanks to the "craigslist" mentality.

[Josh Bass]

Yeah. It happens.

[Josh Bass]

I hope I haven't posted this already (who can remember?). I don't even know where to begin with how stupid this is:

"On Call Cameramen Needed For Video Production Company

Video production company needs cameramen for hourly assignments in your area to shoot at our client’s various locations. We need quick, responsive, hard working individuals for possible long term work. Interested applicants should be clean cut and professional and be able to follow detailed instructions.

If you can meet the following requirements, please E-mail your contact info along with any links to work you have done to jso9978@gmail.com.

You must include the word Texas in the subject line of your e-mail. If you don't do this I will not see your E-mail. Please also put the nearest major city in the subject.

1. Must be able to respond on short notice (i.e. 1-2 days, maybe hours)

2. Must have own equipment. a. Broadcast quality camera b. Shotgun and wireless mics c. Lighting (camera mounted or other) d. tripod

3. All footage must be sent by FTP to us.

4. Must be willing to negotiate hourly rate.

Please respond with the following information;

1. Your name

2. Phone Number

3. E-mail address

4. Your location and how far you will travel for the standard pay.

5. Length of experience

6. At least three business references or links to your work.

7. Copy of resume if you have one.

8. What model camera you have

We will contact all applicants as soon as we can.
"

[Sean Marks]

35mm Motion Picture Negative Cutting opportunity...

No experience needed, we will train you.
Negative cutting is a delicate process, and an art and skill onto itself.

Therefore, this is a GOLDEN opportunity for the serious minded only!

Small fee involved... $100.

You'll also get credit on a feature film under the visual effects department as a negative cutter...

The ideal candidate or candidates will get hands on experience and actually cut visual effects shots from a sci-fi project.


All editors are welcome to apply...



this is in or around Brooklyn

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Compensation: None



Yes indeed, my friends....it's the rarest of "opportunities". The internship that you pay for. Yup. You pay them for the "privelege" of working for nothing. My jaw is still on the floor.