October 10th, 2006, 11:27 PM | #1 |
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Thoughts?
OK, I've never before posted on DVi any links to anything I've done, but I'm just kind of curious about what you guys and gals will say about this short that I recently made. The stuff I do probably isn't for everyone, and I take that into consideration when I receive brutal criticism. So say whatever you want and don't worry about offending me or anything.
I also want to add that I'm not looking for comments on any particular aspect of this piece, so feel free to comment on the technical side of things, on the content, or on both. Whatever strikes you. I've uploaded this short in several relatively platform-agnostic formats of varying levels of quality, from an embedded youtube player up to full-res 24p MPEG-2. Take your pick. Youtube player is at: this here link Several other formats are "grabbable" at: this link here Thoughts? Comments? Raging flames of intense dislike? :D |
October 11th, 2006, 12:48 AM | #2 |
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Just an off the cuff reaction: I was bored.
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October 11th, 2006, 12:59 AM | #3 |
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Is it possible to get bored in less than 6 minutes? :D
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October 11th, 2006, 07:14 AM | #4 | |
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October 11th, 2006, 11:50 AM | #5 |
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It's been a long time since I've given a critique, because most people can't handle them, but you appear to take things like a mature person. Foremost, I'm doing this because I think you're really onto something here!
Be that as it may, I can't help but agree with everything that has been said thus far. However, I do believe it could be kept at 6 minutes and still be interesting, even compelling! I began to get a sense of the character's feeling for time, but the visuals, or lack there of, along with the pacing, prevented me from staying connected. My mind began to wander. I was always saying, "Okay, cut here. Move it along," but it didn't happen. After a few minutes, I fast forwarded several times just to get to the end. I think there are five areas that that could be refined to improve an already good concept. The first is the script (character/event/cause). The second is acting (I never saw/felt the character's angst). The third is lighting (it lacked mood). The fourth is editing (it lacked rhythm, this would include more varied, plot-driven visuals). The fifth, and the most important, is sound (that should be the "star" but it never varied). I'm reminded of the sound in the Robert Wise (original) version of "The Haunting." If you have access to that movie, watch it! Listen to it carefully (especially during the "hauntings")! I think you'll understand what I'm talking about. |
October 11th, 2006, 12:22 PM | #6 |
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I'm guessing none of you guys are fans of Satantango. :) Not that that movie has any direct relation to this short, but it does have a slower pacing than most of us of the MTV generation are willing to put up with, much less understand on its own terms.
Thanks for commenting, everybody. There's nothing here I didn't expect to hear. Last edited by Jarrod Whaley; October 11th, 2006 at 01:03 PM. |
October 11th, 2006, 02:45 PM | #7 | |
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October 11th, 2006, 03:01 PM | #8 |
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Jarrod, I am WAY beyond the MTV generation, but thanks for the compliment.
Long takes are fine when they are properly motivated, when they serve a purpose. |
October 11th, 2006, 03:32 PM | #9 | |
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Jarrod if you applied the same technique in filmmaking with a more interesting story, or even expand on the one you have and make him hear something that may be inocent in nature but he takes it to be something else and ends up stalking this person, so sure in his own little world that his downstairs neighbour is plotting to assassinate the president or something. I love those crack pot kind of films. Andy.
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October 11th, 2006, 04:43 PM | #10 | ||
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October 11th, 2006, 05:19 PM | #11 |
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overall i thought it was good ... do not shorten it ...
IMO there are some shorts that don't work well over the internet and this is one ... i think this is a short one needs to view in a dark room and view it BIG = as in send it to some film festivals ... my main question has to do with the Voice over - not the lines but the persons voice ??? can't quite put my finger on it - maybe it's the tone ,phrasing ??? perhaps a different voice would ?? submit it to some festivals ... |
October 11th, 2006, 05:34 PM | #12 | |
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The whole idea of making a film is to create a world/senario that people can care about/ emotionally invest in. You have to dumb yourself down to watch it objectivly from a joe blogs point of view whatever your project. I do see what you are trying to do, i liked your concept all i said was expand on it and give it a purpose , you could make a feature out of that if you did it right. Even though you say you don't mind criticism i get the distinct impression you don't like it. Nothing that is said in here matters really ,all that matters is sales and distribution. Andy.
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October 11th, 2006, 05:54 PM | #13 | ||
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Can you expand a bit on your comment re: the voiceover? I know you said you can't put your finger on it, but you've got me curious. By the way, it's my voice. :) Quote:
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October 11th, 2006, 06:13 PM | #14 |
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Jarrod,
my last post in this thread (and my first) was just a comment about how you took (some pretty harsh) critisism, I respected that. But I hadn't seen your movie. Now I did, and I actually have to say I liked your, and I didn't find one shot too long. Nice audio too! It had something mysterious for me, and I liked how this guys life was a mess, how he was kind of obsessed, really interesting, and some original compositions. Did you do the day/night transitions completely in postproduction? Anyhow, I liked it, keep up the good work! Some movies aren't for everyones taste! |
October 11th, 2006, 06:20 PM | #15 |
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Thanks a lot Mathieu, I'm glad you liked it. I'm particularly glad you thought the audio worked, because I spent quite a bit of time mixing it.
I did in fact do the day-to-night transitions entirely in post. For the night shots, I took the regular daylight footage and lowered the gamma curve a bit, then I pushed the mid-levels toward blue with the color corrector. I keyframed both effects for a smooth transition. The addition of crickets chirping to the soundtrack really helps carry the illusion, I think. :) Last edited by Jarrod Whaley; October 11th, 2006 at 07:15 PM. |
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