Short film Junipero Preview, looking for feedback, comments, suggestions at DVinfo.net

Marlon Torres · April 9th, 2006, 06:23 PM

Hi guys, I don't know if you guys remember me but i showed a student short film here a while back called "Red Ribbon". Well, I'm back for my sophmore student film called "Junipero". I have a preview of the movie and I would like some feedback so I could improve it. Its two scenes and it doesnt have a musical score yet. Anyway, check it out and let me know what you think, its about 60mb.

http://www.citizencine.com/films/junipero_preview.mov

Marlon Torres · April 14th, 2006, 05:39 PM

is it that boring? :(

Shawn Beats · April 14th, 2006, 06:18 PM

I thought it visually looked great, but it really didn't capture my interest beside the scenery. I don't really get the point. Also I found the voices to be a little low.

A + for cinematography

Jimmy McKenzie · April 14th, 2006, 06:35 PM

Nice work. The full focus frames followed by the tight shots after establishing frames were quite nice. If you must continue this with part 2, I suggest you add part 2 to part one and give the story a reason for being. As slow as motionless locomotive. Hard to get moving once you're at a standstill. The scenes are a brilliant departure from student films. The opening sequence is quite good. Reminiscant of classic cinema. But since it's a short, it's a bit disturbing the interuptions in between the titles on screen. But I did like the design. Still trying to find the parallel to to the woods so prominently featured in the body and that of the oceanside during the opener.

Terrific is my rating.

Technical note: Your 24P pulldown during capture / export is not in harmony with your output settings for web delivery. The shuttering/stutter frame is quite distracting.

Marlon Torres · April 14th, 2006, 08:14 PM

Shawn: thanks for the feedback, i'm sure its hard to understand since its only 2 scenes of a 40 minute movie with a scene missing in between but my main concern was getting suggestions in editing, sound, and or critiques on the special effects so far. as for the sound, i'll see what i can do about the low voices.

Jimmy: thanks for the feedback and suggestions. i understand that you find the intro slow, i find it slow myself but the musical score that will be added later, it seems to go by a lot faster. the oceanside scenery is there because the movie's climax will take place there. we're using it i guess as a forshadowing of exactly where "junipero" is.

Marlon Torres · April 16th, 2006, 09:37 PM

Here are two more scenes from the movie, these were shot in a poorly lit elevator so i had to do with the available light, not as "pretty" but theres some interesting dialog in it. Again, comments and suggestions are appreciated.

http://www.citizencine.com/films/elevator.mov

Eniola Akintoye · April 20th, 2006, 06:06 PM

Dude,
I like the elevator scene. Looks like The Matrix.
What cam. did you use and what did you use for the CC of the forest scene and the elevator scene.

Great job man!

Marlon Torres · April 20th, 2006, 10:16 PM

Eniola: I'm glad you liked the scenes. I used a Canon XL2 to shoot the movie and for color correction I just used FCP color corrector and Color Finesse for the Day for Night shots.

Bill Porter · April 21st, 2006, 01:05 PM

Martin, I'd love to see a clip of the Mystery Man and the girl on the rooftop (or wherever they are).

Also where are you located? Your sig isn't filled in and citizencine.com doesn't have an About section or anything like it :P

Marlon Torres · April 21st, 2006, 08:18 PM

Bill: I'm assuming you mean Marlon and not "Martin" :) The clip you are talking about is from my short art film called "Red Ribbon". You can watch it here if you like:

http://www.citizencine.com/films/redribbon.htm

I made Red Ribbon last year, and although I am pretty proud of it, I've improved a lot as a filmmaker since (at least I hope I have).

I currently attend San Francisco State University.

Bill Porter · April 22nd, 2006, 06:43 PM

I cannot believe I read your name and then went ahead and typed a different one. That is one of my pet peeves when people do that! Sorry!

318 megs, that is no small download. I'll post when I'm done watching.

Also, saw your blog, about how you accidentally submitted the wrong DVD. Did things work out after all?

Marlon Torres · April 22nd, 2006, 10:58 PM

Bill: Things worked out fine Bill, my instructor was on the panel of judges so when my broken DVD's turn came, she vouched for me and told them i was an okay guy to let in.

PS: Don't worry about the name, I've been called worse... such as "Marlin" (I'm not a fish, dammit!)

Marlon Torres · April 23rd, 2006, 06:08 PM

For you visual effects fans, I put up one of my composite examples: http://www.citizencine.com/films/greyfields.mov

April 9th, 2006, 06:23 PM	#1
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	Short film Junipero Preview, looking for feedback, comments, suggestions Hi guys, I don't know if you guys remember me but i showed a student short film here a while back called "Red Ribbon". Well, I'm back for my sophmore student film called "Junipero". I have a preview of the movie and I would like some feedback so I could improve it. Its two scenes and it doesnt have a musical score yet. Anyway, check it out and let me know what you think, its about 60mb. http://www.citizencine.com/films/junipero_preview.mov

April 14th, 2006, 06:35 PM	#4
Jimmy McKenzie Major Player Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Waterloo Ontario Posts: 721	This is good stuff... Nice work. The full focus frames followed by the tight shots after establishing frames were quite nice. If you must continue this with part 2, I suggest you add part 2 to part one and give the story a reason for being. As slow as motionless locomotive. Hard to get moving once you're at a standstill. The scenes are a brilliant departure from student films. The opening sequence is quite good. Reminiscant of classic cinema. But since it's a short, it's a bit disturbing the interuptions in between the titles on screen. But I did like the design. Still trying to find the parallel to to the woods so prominently featured in the body and that of the oceanside during the opener. Terrific is my rating. Technical note: Your 24P pulldown during capture / export is not in harmony with your output settings for web delivery. The shuttering/stutter frame is quite distracting.

April 14th, 2006, 05:39 PM	#2
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	is it that boring? :(

April 14th, 2006, 06:18 PM	#3
Shawn Beats New Boot Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: toronto Posts: 9	I thought it visually looked great, but it really didn't capture my interest beside the scenery. I don't really get the point. Also I found the voices to be a little low. A + for cinematography

April 14th, 2006, 08:14 PM	#5
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	Shawn: thanks for the feedback, i'm sure its hard to understand since its only 2 scenes of a 40 minute movie with a scene missing in between but my main concern was getting suggestions in editing, sound, and or critiques on the special effects so far. as for the sound, i'll see what i can do about the low voices. Jimmy: thanks for the feedback and suggestions. i understand that you find the intro slow, i find it slow myself but the musical score that will be added later, it seems to go by a lot faster. the oceanside scenery is there because the movie's climax will take place there. we're using it i guess as a forshadowing of exactly where "junipero" is.

April 16th, 2006, 09:37 PM	#6
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	Here are two more scenes from the movie, these were shot in a poorly lit elevator so i had to do with the available light, not as "pretty" but theres some interesting dialog in it. Again, comments and suggestions are appreciated. http://www.citizencine.com/films/elevator.mov

April 20th, 2006, 06:06 PM	#7
Eniola Akintoye Major Player Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Duluth GA Posts: 238	Dude, I like the elevator scene. Looks like The Matrix. What cam. did you use and what did you use for the CC of the forest scene and the elevator scene. Great job man!

April 20th, 2006, 10:16 PM	#8
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	Eniola: I'm glad you liked the scenes. I used a Canon XL2 to shoot the movie and for color correction I just used FCP color corrector and Color Finesse for the Day for Night shots.

April 21st, 2006, 01:05 PM	#9
Bill Porter Major Player Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ventura, California, USA Posts: 751	Martin, I'd love to see a clip of the Mystery Man and the girl on the rooftop (or wherever they are). Also where are you located? Your sig isn't filled in and citizencine.com doesn't have an About section or anything like it :P

April 21st, 2006, 08:18 PM	#10
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	Bill: I'm assuming you mean Marlon and not "Martin" :) The clip you are talking about is from my short art film called "Red Ribbon". You can watch it here if you like: http://www.citizencine.com/films/redribbon.htm I made Red Ribbon last year, and although I am pretty proud of it, I've improved a lot as a filmmaker since (at least I hope I have). I currently attend San Francisco State University.

April 22nd, 2006, 06:43 PM	#11
Bill Porter Major Player Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ventura, California, USA Posts: 751	I cannot believe I read your name and then went ahead and typed a different one. That is one of my pet peeves when people do that! Sorry! 318 megs, that is no small download. I'll post when I'm done watching. Also, saw your blog, about how you accidentally submitted the wrong DVD. Did things work out after all?

April 22nd, 2006, 10:58 PM	#12
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	Bill: Things worked out fine Bill, my instructor was on the panel of judges so when my broken DVD's turn came, she vouched for me and told them i was an okay guy to let in. PS: Don't worry about the name, I've been called worse... such as "Marlin" (I'm not a fish, dammit!)

April 23rd, 2006, 06:08 PM	#13
Marlon Torres Major Player Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 230	For you visual effects fans, I put up one of my composite examples: http://www.citizencine.com/films/greyfields.mov