"JARED" my short film at DVinfo.net

David Schuurman · January 9th, 2009, 09:07 PM

Hi Guys,

This is the final project of my first semester of Cinematography class. To be honest I was pretty clueless about this project until about a week before I shot. My biggest problem was my lack of crew. I desperately needed a soundperson/boom op. In both scenes I rigged the shotgun in various workable places but it would've been so much better to have the sound on a pole monitored by someone.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about everything, the script, the shots, the actors, the lighting, the editing...the works. Although I know my audio doesn't match very well between scenes.

Anyway, I'm excited to hear what the professionals (and non professionals too) have to say about it.

thanks.

JARED on Vimeo

Josef Heks · January 10th, 2009, 08:47 PM

Hey David, technically I think ur film is well produced - the lighting is very good, shots are nice, sound is good. Overall it was good, though Ill give you my thoughts on what I saw to be the weaknesses:

I thought the acting was so-so, mainly due to the script and direction rather than the actors abilities. The dialogue was too preachy and expositional. It's always better to show rather than tell, as such. Or even if you can't show (cus it may break the momentum of your scene), use more conversational dialogue to reveal things about the characters rather than just having them explain the situation in large paragraphs of dialogue - even a good actor would find it difficult to make that believable, becuase people dont communicate like that in real life. Similarly, its not great to have the "moral" or "message" of the film told so blatantly through dialogue. It should be made clear without having to spell it out to the audience. I also think to keep things interesting for such a lengthy dialogue scene you could maybe have found a few extra ways of shooting the dialogue - perhaps Jared could have sat up half way through, for example.

hope that helps
good work tho,

josef

David Schuurman · January 10th, 2009, 11:04 PM

Josef,

Thank's for the comments.

In short, I agree with you. I can't say it's entirely not my fault because I supervised the script writing. However, during the pre-production phase I was fairly unimpressed by the writers ability to write believable natural dialogue and I hoped/believed that perhaps it was my lack of experience with writing that caused me to think that way, and that the actors would make it better.

Again, your observations are legitimate and I appreciate your insight.

thanks!

Derrick A.Jones · January 11th, 2009, 11:47 AM

Well i would have to say that the films was good i can understand what was going on! This is a guy who is sombering over his break up and is very sad so he drinks. Thats his way of handling it. He can't get over it so he calls her not realizing what he's doing ansd she gives him a reality slap in the face!

Now the acting coudl have been better and the script was nice but i think some of the shots could have been better some of them was nice though

Josef had a great review

January 9th, 2009, 09:07 PM	#1
David Schuurman Major Player Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Hamilton, ON Canada Posts: 369	"JARED" my short film Hi Guys, This is the final project of my first semester of Cinematography class. To be honest I was pretty clueless about this project until about a week before I shot. My biggest problem was my lack of crew. I desperately needed a soundperson/boom op. In both scenes I rigged the shotgun in various workable places but it would've been so much better to have the sound on a pole monitored by someone. I'd love to hear your thoughts about everything, the script, the shots, the actors, the lighting, the editing...the works. Although I know my audio doesn't match very well between scenes. Anyway, I'm excited to hear what the professionals (and non professionals too) have to say about it. thanks. JARED on Vimeo

January 11th, 2009, 11:47 AM	#4
Derrick A.Jones Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: St. Petersburg,FL Posts: 94	Well i would have to say that the films was good i can understand what was going on! This is a guy who is sombering over his break up and is very sad so he drinks. Thats his way of handling it. He can't get over it so he calls her not realizing what he's doing ansd she gives him a reality slap in the face! Now the acting coudl have been better and the script was nice but i think some of the shots could have been better some of them was nice though Josef had a great review __________________ This is what i do for the love of Video Production.. Derrick Jones..........

January 10th, 2009, 08:47 PM	#2
Josef Heks Regular Crew Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 74	Hey David, technically I think ur film is well produced - the lighting is very good, shots are nice, sound is good. Overall it was good, though Ill give you my thoughts on what I saw to be the weaknesses: I thought the acting was so-so, mainly due to the script and direction rather than the actors abilities. The dialogue was too preachy and expositional. It's always better to show rather than tell, as such. Or even if you can't show (cus it may break the momentum of your scene), use more conversational dialogue to reveal things about the characters rather than just having them explain the situation in large paragraphs of dialogue - even a good actor would find it difficult to make that believable, becuase people dont communicate like that in real life. Similarly, its not great to have the "moral" or "message" of the film told so blatantly through dialogue. It should be made clear without having to spell it out to the audience. I also think to keep things interesting for such a lengthy dialogue scene you could maybe have found a few extra ways of shooting the dialogue - perhaps Jared could have sat up half way through, for example. hope that helps good work tho, josef

January 10th, 2009, 11:04 PM	#3
David Schuurman Major Player Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Hamilton, ON Canada Posts: 369	Josef, Thank's for the comments. In short, I agree with you. I can't say it's entirely not my fault because I supervised the script writing. However, during the pre-production phase I was fairly unimpressed by the writers ability to write believable natural dialogue and I hoped/believed that perhaps it was my lack of experience with writing that caused me to think that way, and that the actors would make it better. Again, your observations are legitimate and I appreciate your insight. thanks!