'Meeting'

August 26th, 2007, 04:08 AM

Something I made late last year at film school, where we had to write and direct a one to two minute short.

I give you Meeting!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNQYa3QuyKA

Brian Duke · August 26th, 2007, 04:49 AM

Hey,

Are you looking for feedback or just sharing your film?

D

August 26th, 2007, 05:04 AM

A little of both. ;)

I'd love feedback. :)

Brian Duke · August 26th, 2007, 05:07 PM

Okay, so here it goes.

Looked fine for video. Nothing stood out in that regard. However, I am more of a story person and it seems like it was just a one-act film. I.e. the second act only. No first (set-up/introduction of characters) or ending (conclusion and explanation). It just seemed random to me. Never got to know who were who and what they exchanged.

My suggestion is before you "complete" a film let others take a stab at it and see if they get what you set out to do. Obviously not everyone gets everything, but there is generally a collective consensus about what is going on.

Remember, you can make a 10 second film and still get all those elements in there. One without the other will leave the audience baffled and unfulfilled.

Hope that helps.

Duke

Jon Fairhurst · August 26th, 2007, 10:18 PM

Duke is right. This is one scene.

A character starts out with a goal - exchange packages. Either they get what they want or they don't. In your scene the exchange takes place, but we don't know if it's successful. He might have gotten recycled paper, rather than cash. And then he's beaten and loses the package - as does his contact.

This could be a nice scene in a bigger structure.

As long as you see this as an exercise - a scene, rather than a story - and if that was your goal, it succeeds. But as Duke wrote, it's not complete.

Imagine it as a joke: "Guy walks into an alley. Swaps packages. A guy mugs 'em both and takes both packages." No setup. No punch line.

Now, imagine this joke: "Guy walks into an alley. Mutters to himself about the stuff he does for his wife. Swaps packages. A guy mugs him and takes the package. Guy yells to the mugger, 'unless your wife needs a sex change operation, you're not gonna need that!' Mugger is disgusted and drops it. Guy opens the package, pulls out a diamond necklace, puts it in his pocket, smiles and walks away."

Not that you would want to play it that way, but the example gives a double punchline, hopefully giving the viewer a smile.

Alex Sprinkle · August 27th, 2007, 01:51 PM

Ha ha! I like that joke.

Bert Smyth · August 27th, 2007, 05:37 PM

I agree. The production quality is ok, but there is no story. I think as a filmmaker the most important quality is to have something to say. Its almost like being in a auditorium filled with people, then walking up to the podium mike and saying "excuse me, excuse me, may I have your attention please!", and when everyone shuts up you just say "cool, I've always wanted to do that".
Your timing for editing was good. Things moved along, there just wasn't a story, so as the others have said, if this were just a small part of a larger story, it would most likely fair better.

The only other thing I noticed is the CU at the beginning. It looks like the actor was directed to step into the shot, as his leg comes down from the top of the screen, where as if he was just walking it would come in from the right, behind the wall.

August 26th, 2007, 04:08 AM	#1
Guest Posts: n/a	'Meeting' - a two minute thriller Something I made late last year at film school, where we had to write and direct a one to two minute short. I give you Meeting! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNQYa3QuyKA

August 26th, 2007, 04:49 AM	#2
Brian Duke Major Player Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hollywood, California Posts: 899	Hey, Are you looking for feedback or just sharing your film? D __________________ Visit me and my work at www.artofduke.com

August 26th, 2007, 05:07 PM	#4
Brian Duke Major Player Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Hollywood, California Posts: 899	Okay, so here it goes. Looked fine for video. Nothing stood out in that regard. However, I am more of a story person and it seems like it was just a one-act film. I.e. the second act only. No first (set-up/introduction of characters) or ending (conclusion and explanation). It just seemed random to me. Never got to know who were who and what they exchanged. My suggestion is before you "complete" a film let others take a stab at it and see if they get what you set out to do. Obviously not everyone gets everything, but there is generally a collective consensus about what is going on. Remember, you can make a 10 second film and still get all those elements in there. One without the other will leave the audience baffled and unfulfilled. Hope that helps. Duke __________________ Visit me and my work at www.artofduke.com

August 26th, 2007, 10:18 PM	#5
Jon Fairhurst Inner Circle Join Date: May 2006 Location: Camas, WA, USA Posts: 5,513	Duke is right. This is one scene. A character starts out with a goal - exchange packages. Either they get what they want or they don't. In your scene the exchange takes place, but we don't know if it's successful. He might have gotten recycled paper, rather than cash. And then he's beaten and loses the package - as does his contact. This could be a nice scene in a bigger structure. As long as you see this as an exercise - a scene, rather than a story - and if that was your goal, it succeeds. But as Duke wrote, it's not complete. Imagine it as a joke: "Guy walks into an alley. Swaps packages. A guy mugs 'em both and takes both packages." No setup. No punch line. Now, imagine this joke: "Guy walks into an alley. Mutters to himself about the stuff he does for his wife. Swaps packages. A guy mugs him and takes the package. Guy yells to the mugger, 'unless your wife needs a sex change operation, you're not gonna need that!' Mugger is disgusted and drops it. Guy opens the package, pulls out a diamond necklace, puts it in his pocket, smiles and walks away." Not that you would want to play it that way, but the example gives a double punchline, hopefully giving the viewer a smile. __________________ Jon Fairhurst

August 26th, 2007, 05:04 AM	#3
Guest Posts: n/a	A little of both. ;) I'd love feedback. :)

August 27th, 2007, 01:51 PM	#6
Alex Sprinkle Major Player Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Moore, Oklahoma Posts: 408	Ha ha! I like that joke.

August 27th, 2007, 05:37 PM	#7
Bert Smyth Regular Crew Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Portland, Oregon Posts: 178	I agree. The production quality is ok, but there is no story. I think as a filmmaker the most important quality is to have something to say. Its almost like being in a auditorium filled with people, then walking up to the podium mike and saying "excuse me, excuse me, may I have your attention please!", and when everyone shuts up you just say "cool, I've always wanted to do that". Your timing for editing was good. Things moved along, there just wasn't a story, so as the others have said, if this were just a small part of a larger story, it would most likely fair better. The only other thing I noticed is the CU at the beginning. It looks like the actor was directed to step into the shot, as his leg comes down from the top of the screen, where as if he was just walking it would come in from the right, behind the wall.