Opinions wanted

Hello,
I've been browsing this board for the past several months and have found the information to be VERY helpful. Thanks!
I just completed my first major project and would like to get some opinions from the pros. Any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.
The spot is for a 30 second television commercial. I shot it with an XL1s and edited it in FCP 3.0.

Here is a link to my temporary Web site. The file is 20mb and is in QT format.

http://www.valleymediagroup.com/ovationfinalb.mov

Thanks again,
dino

[Charles Papert]

Hey Dino:

Good job on your first project! I used to shoot spots like this years ago.

One thing I noticed was a lot of fast pans, which makes it a bit challenging to watch (although at limited web frame rate--it is probably easier at 60i). For future projects, think about mixing it up a bit by including some tilts, or even pans the other direction (these were all left to right!).

The final image with the logo supered on it appeared to be either handheld or shot off a stabilizer of some kind, and the little movement is made more noticeable by having the logo on top of it. Footage shot off a tripod will usually work better in this instance.

But really, a clean, professional job, you should be proud.

[Jeff Donald]

Very nice, I would break up the two pans in a row. Graphics are clean and attractive, easy to read. The script is a little backwards, in my opinion, unless attached garages are a big selling point in Las Vegas. Leading off with the shot of the BMW going into a garage is not a strong, dynamic, shot. I would lead with a stronger image, but that would require rewriting the script or reshooting. But all in all a nice 30 sec. spot.

Jeff

[Dylan Couper]

Thumbs up!
I have the same thoughts as the guys above, as well, I think that the shots don't quite linger long enough to get a good idea of what you are looking at. I would have dropped one shot and elongated the interior shots and extra second. I understand you have to get all the info they want in the time alloted though. Can't have it all.
I notice some wobble in one of the pans and at the end, were you using a tripod for every shot?

About the shot of the BMW going in the garage, it is a shot better suited to the end ---!!!HOWEVER!!!!---- without it at the start, I wouldn't have had an idea what income level the place was targeted at (hey, what do I know? I'm a TV watcher). I'm guessing that's why you put it there.

Anyway, good stuff!

[Jesse Diaz]

Good point there Dylan, I didnt think about that till you mentioned it. "The fact that the BMW, could income level the place was targeted for". Thou I have to admit thats my favorite part of the film, the car going into the garage. I would like to mention that I had hard time viewing the map when it comes up near the end.

Good commercial Dino!

[Curtis T. Stoeber]

Nice bandwidth on your site! I downloaded all 20.6 megs in less than 40 seconds!

I think perhaps a tripod would have helped as opposed to doing the entire thing handheld, though it was pretty smooth for handheld. Good job though. If someone is in the market for an apartment, it should grab their attention. Narration sounded a bit like a monster truck event commercial with the voice filter changing at the end. I guess all commercials do that nowadays.

[Dino Marino]

Thanks for all your replies thus far.

The client changed the script several times before requesting this particular order of their amenities. Attached garages are a HUGE selling point when it comes to apartment living here in Las Vegas, so they wanted that to be listed first.
Also, I definitely agree that some of the shots are a little bumpy. In the future, I will be sure to pay more attention to that.

Thanks again and I look forward to hearing more of your opinions!

Dino