Pilot / Concept: Could this be / is this funny?

[Leo Seeley]

Hi Guys / Gals...

Me and a couple of friends are working on a concept / pilot of what we think is in the area of Gervais / Merchant / Pilkington type humor - some obvious stuff, some subtle...

So far we've got two short videos uploaded with a third on the way soon - things are still in the very early stages but we'd really appreciate it if you could check out what we've got... perhaps comment / subscribe / rate etc if you feel like it...
If not, then any constructive feedback would really be appreciated in this thread...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=2-MEOnw5OwM - Balaclava Debate 1 (5:48)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bng8u3N1Z7c - Balaclava Debate 2 (7:23)

(for the moment, please ignore the production values and focus on the content!)

Thanks!

Below is the blurb we gave on the youtube "channel":

"I am a concept created by revolutionary psychologist Stewart berg who committed suicide in 2007. I am the very first recordings of An investigation in anonymous debate much like that of Internet forums and parties in dark rooms. Three strangers hand chosen for their own individual opinions are isolated for a varying duration of time and have their identities hidden to then debate various different subject matters. The three strangers will only ever be known as No1, No2, No3.Discussions ranging from brand name cola to Carl Marx. Their only limit is their own intelligence.

Stewart Berg killed himself shortly after being suspended from practice for indecent behavior and this is what he has left behind. This is his legacy.

If you would like to submit a subject matter/ question to be debated by No1, No2 and No3 please email us at balaclavadebates@gmail.com"

[Bill Davis]

Could it be? Yes.
Is it now? Nope.

Here's my 2 cents.

Essentially, what you've created is RADIO with somewhat dull video attached. By that I mean the action and expression are limited - and all you have is the dialog to communicate. (In actual video humor, expression, blocking and movement support the humor - but you've removed expression that with the masks, and all but rudimentary physical movement with the table set.)

So LISTEN to it and see if it makes you laugh.

It didn't make me laugh.

Probably because the timing and delivery wasn't very professional.

I kept WAITING for the funny stuff - and there was some - but not much. I heard little of the classic comedic building blocks like tension/release, irony, parody, etc. etc.

I think you should rent some classic radio comedy and listen not for the content, but for the RHYTHM and DELIVERY of the lines - then re-visit your script trying to weave the ironic observations about the social and political stuff with better delivery and comic timing.

Then find actors who know how to deliver that kind of material with crispness and clarity and proper comic timing.

I don't mean to be harsh - and your idea could potentially be worthy of a program - but what would make it so, would be the material in the hands of a troupe like Monty Python who understand how to submerse social commentary in serious comedic acting - something that is VERY difficult to do.

For what it's worth.

[Leo Seeley]

Thank you very much for your reply, I don't think you could be more spot on!

These first two video's are our first attempts - we've been learning / developing the whole way and the problem is that so much of what we did was improvised around basic themes with a few scripted lines - added to this the fact that we aren't even actors / comedians... I think the only reason why we find it funny at all is because we were there at the time (hence looking for objective criticism).

I think we could perhaps develop things a little either by more rehearsal (the uploaded footage is literally after about 2 or 3 quick run throughs)... Also, I completely agree, I think there's a complete lack of visual stimuli and facial acting is nullified by the balaclavas etc. Perhaps we'll try a few sketches just as audio... either that or modify the concept.