New Short with HD100/Mini35

[Brian Duke]

Hey everyone,

I shot a short film last summer with the HD100 and Mini35 after I completed Twist of Fate. It was the week of extreme heat (like 110 degrees) and we had no air conditioner and in a small apartment.

I wanted to try something different and faster paced. It’s a dark comedy and ALL feedback and comments are welcome, especially constructive criticism that will help me improve the film. Its difficult to make films in general and I wish I had done a million things different, but you live and learn.

Please watch it, if you get a chance, and give me any input you have.

Its 5 minutes long. I have downloads for both QuickTime and Windows Media, all under 25mb so the quality isn't the absolute best for now.

Here is the link:

http://hd-motionpictures.com/The%20Date.html

If you have problems viewing let me know. QuickTime should be H264 codec.

I added one to YouTube also, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_keiWn3ndOk (not best quality and it lags a little, but should work for everyone.)

Thanks guys

[Sergio Barbosa]

Congratulations, I really liked it!
There's just one thing about the script... First she says: ''let's go take a shower together'', and he's totally cool with it. Afterwards she asks him to have sex with her...and he's caught up by surprise, right?. That doesn't make too much sense to me, since during the shower, they were already naked in front of each other (I suppose), therefore sex would come naturally, or even late in the story.
That's just a thought, anyway, very funny indeed, and technically well accomplished.
Did you use ADR this time? It doesn't seem like.

[Brian Duke]

Originally Posted by Sergio Barbosa

Congratulations, I really liked it!
There's just one thing about the script... First she says: ''let's go take a shower together'', and he's totally cool with it. Afterwards she asks him to have sex with her...and he's caught up by surprise, right?. That doesn't make too much sense to me, since during the shower, they were already naked in front of each other (I suppose), therefore sex would come naturally, or even late in the story.
That's just a thought, anyway, very funny indeed, and technically well accomplished.
Did you use ADR this time? It doesn't seem like.

Thanks for your comments. This is why I welcomed it. This is the first time anyone brought that point up. I guess you can argue that shower would normally lead to sex, but honestly I never though of it and no one else had said anything. I think its probably more the idea that its "Amanda" that is driving the scene and he be more surprised about her outgoingness, rather than the "having sex" part. thanks again, and your point is well taken.

No ADR this time. Still fooling around the sound and I plan on adding a few minor things here and there. Thanks again.

Duke

[Neil Rostance]

That wast fantastic. Made me laugh a lot! The performances were extremely solid too. I agree with sergio slightly about the script.

My ONLY critical approach to it would be that i didn't see the relevance of him rapping at the start. I suddenly got all these messages about this character, which wasn't really reflected in the rest of the film.

Also, the stretching transition you use quite a lot, it was good at the first cut, but i get the impression its there to keep the cuts upbeat and poppy, to reflect the tone of the script. If this is right....then i think the dialogue is so strong these editing motifs like that just get in the way.

The sound is really good, how did you take it? And! were the spots on the characters intentional?? that was funny in itself!

Really really enjoyed that. Very well done Brian.

Neil

[Brian Duke]

Originally Posted by Neil Rostance

My ONLY critical approach to it would be that i didn't see the relevance of him rapping at the start. I suddenly got all these messages about this character, which wasn't really reflected in the rest of the film.

Actually I did that to show that he "tries" to be confident in the beginning but with the girl completely taking over. Plus his outfit when he raps, "Amanda" wears later when she raps, but most probably didn't notice that. I.e. the whole thing was about her coming in to takeover his life. Well, that is hard to show in just less than 5 minutes, but I tried my best.

Originally Posted by Neil Rostance

Also, the stretching transition you use quite a lot, it was good at the first cut, but i get the impression its there to keep the cuts upbeat and poppy, to reflect the tone of the script. If this is right....then i think the dialogue is so strong these editing motifs like that just get in the way.

I agree, I am cutting some down. Less is more.

Originally Posted by Neil Rostance

The sound is really good, how did you take it? And! were the spots on the characters intentional?? that was funny in itself!

The sound I use my regular gear, But THIS time (unlike Twist of Fate) I took charge of the sound and had someone who knew what they were doing record it. We used Boom, Wireless and actually some of it was from the camera mic. The spots weren't necessarily intentional, but I thought it would add more realism rather than puffing everyone up with too much make-up. PLUS we shot this when it was 110 degrees here in Los Angels with NO air conditioner. It WAS HOT!!

Originally Posted by Neil Rostance

Really really enjoyed that. Very well done Brian. Neil

THANKS, and I REALLY appreciated your comments.

[Tim Dashwood]

Duke,

Loved it. I hope you are entering On The Lot.

I especially like how everyone stepped on each others lines. You must have done this in editing. Brilliant technique.

The only thing I would change is the "punch line" at the end. I would scrap it and just cut directly to "written & directed by Duke" at that point. The laugh comes just seconds before that, so you should use the cut to motivate audience applause for your handywork.

Great job overall.

[Brian Duke]

Originally Posted by Tim Dashwood

Duke,

Loved it. I hope you are entering On The Lot.

I was thinking about it, but I am not sure its good enough (being REALLY critical of myself). It was 2nd film with the HD100 and Mini35 so now looking back I wish I had done a million things different.

Originally Posted by Tim Dashwood

I especially like how everyone stepped on each others lines. You must have done this in editing. Brilliant technique.

I actually wrote it that way and we did it that way, but obviously I wanted it to come out like that too, so it was somewhat of a nightmare trying to edit it with the overlapping lines, but I think it came out okay at the end. That was one thing i would different next time, i.e. not shooing overlapping dialogue, but watt for editing.

Originally Posted by Tim Dashwood

The only thing I would change is the "punch line" at the end. I would scrap it and just cut directly to "written & directed by Duke" at that point. The laugh comes just seconds before that, so you should use the cut to motivate audience applause for your handywork.

I originally had it in, then I took it out, then nput it back in again etc. I left it to see what kind of feedback I would get. I agree, It will be probably scrapped, plus I havne't done end credits yet (waiting for feedback first). I agree with you 100%.

Originally Posted by Tim Dashwood

Great job overall.

Thanks! That means a lot. Gives me a little more confidence. =) Duke

[David Parks]

Brian,

That was great. The girl that played Amanda was hilarious. Tight and motivated editing. I like the cut at the end of her rap with the "peace out" in his face. I hope this project does well for you. I love "Scrubs" type transitions, and those type of cuts/SFX that allows the audience to be pulled through.

Enjoyed it.

[Justin Ferar]

Jesus Christ that's funny. I love it when the acting is good enough that it takes my attention away from the production issues. I'll have to watch again to give technical feedback.

First thing I thought of was Wedding Crashers- the "stage 5 clinger"

The camera guy- nice casting!

Very impressive so far!

[Ron German]

Veeeery good!
Cool acting and well designed characters for such a short film.
My only technical concern is in the bed scene, where IMHO the guys are a litle overlit and the girl has a light reflexion on her face.
Congratulations!
Ron

[Jaadgy Akanni]

Originally Posted by Tim Dashwood

Duke,

Loved it. I hope you are entering On The Lot.

I especially like how everyone stepped on each others lines. You must have done this in editing. Brilliant technique.

The only thing I would change is the "punch line" at the end. I would scrap it and just cut directly to "written & directed by Duke" at that point. The laugh comes just seconds before that, so you should use the cut to motivate audience applause for your handywork.

Great job overall.

I agree with Tim; I totally loved it too. The dynamics, the pace, and the rythm of the whole piece was just perfect. The actors were brilliant, especially the girl-she's friggin' great. Like Tim says, scrap the punchline; It's anticlimactic at that point.
About the color, what kind of color correction if any did you do? Was that brownish, almost monochromatic tint on purpose?

[Brian Duke]

Thanks for all the previous kind words of encouragement and support from everyone.

Originally Posted by Ron German

My only technical concern is in the bed scene, where IMHO the guys are a litle overlit and the girl has a light reflexion on her face.

Thanks, I didn't do much of color correction, but I agree with your points. Will try to match it better.

Originally Posted by Jaadgy Akanni

scrap the punchline; It's anticlimactic at that point.

I scrapped it already for the same reasons, will post a newer version later today.

Originally Posted by Jaadgy Akanni

what kind of color correction if any did you do? Was that brownish, almost monochromatic tint on purpose?

I didn't do any color correction with the exception of lowering brightness in a few places. The color was supposed to be Tim Dashwood's "Matrix" settings, which I had input before commencement of the shoot, but the day off the shoot the DP went in and fooled around with the color settings (without my approval I may add) and I think it was completely changed. I am still pretty upset about that. Although I don't mind the warm brownish color it ended up being.

[Diogo Athouguia]

Very funny, congratulations. The cameraman should be holding a HD100! :)

[Brian Luce]

It's funny! And that is some accomplishment!

Comments:

-The dad, the girl, and German producer were outstanding.
-Can you do something about all that chest hair? Is there some plug in?
-Bed scene...was it too much light or lack of make up? I saw a few too many skin imperfections
-Production design. That's something that could've really enhanced your story. What you had didn't do one thing or the other in terms of supporting the story imhop.
-The ending...I didn't think this story had a payoff. Basically you didn't have a story, you had a situation. That sounds bad I realize however imhop, the humor and performances are so exceptionally strong that I'm willing to overlook it. Comedy is the ultimate equalizer in my book. Overall, fantastic job though. It might not be homerun but it's an easy stand up triple. No pun intended.
-If I had done this film I wouldn't hesitate to enter it in contests.

ps check out morrisbrothersfilms.com. They have some good comedy shorts as well. Especially "Reginald Santori"

[Brian Duke]

Originally Posted by Brian Luce

Can you do something about all that chest hair? Is there some plug in?

That's funny you say that. Some people find that funny, and I wanted it there to be natural. Sometimes "gross" (and I wouldn't really call it that" equals funny to some people. Time and money is always a factor, but shouldn't be an excuse, but it was obviously a factor here.

Originally Posted by Brian Luce

Bed scene...was it too much light or lack of make up? I saw a few too many skin imperfections

Again, if you look at some other post, they found that funny. I wanted it to be more natural. Having perfect skin and people just seems a little strange to me. But then again, a good make up artist wouldn't hurt. (we had none).

Originally Posted by Brian Luce

Production design. That's something that could've really enhanced your story. What you had didn't do one thing or the other in terms of supporting the story imhop.

I agree. I wish I had done things differently, but when you are tight on schedule and money its tough. I don't like making excuses, but it is a reality on this shoot.

Originally Posted by Brian Luce

The ending...I didn't think this story had a payoff. Basically you didn't have a story, you had a situation.

Brian, creating good endings I REALLY tough. I thought it did have one. Mainly that he gets stuck with this crazy family. Could it have been better? I'm sure, but others and I just couldn't come up with anything else at the time, and still I have not thought of anything else. I rarely, if ever, see a good ending in a short. It’s like the SNL skits that just never really have a good ending, but like you said, if it’s funny enough with good performances, it can get overlooked.

Thanks so much for taking the time to leave your comments and also for your support. I think I will enter it into a festival after a few changes.

All in all, I think humor is very selective and difficult to accomplish, especially trying to satisfy everyone.

Duke