DVC 6 Feedback

Jay Silver · August 25th, 2006, 01:14 PM

Thanks for watching my short!

It was one of the first ideas I had and I'm glad I stuck to my guns and finished it - I almost gave up a few times. I don't want to say much more until the voting is completed. I appreciate any comments, positive or negative, because I'm in this thing to learn.

-j

Eric Gan · August 25th, 2006, 01:20 PM

Jay, outstanding cinematography, and great looking location. Love the use of the scope aspect ratio.

Upon watching this the second time, I wondered, would it be possible to tell this story without the narration? It would be a lot more difficult, but it might add to the sense of isolation after a crash on a foreign planet.

This was great. I loved it.

Michael Fossenkemper · August 25th, 2006, 01:23 PM

Freakin GREAT. OH MAN OH MAN. Not only was this a great story, IT was well written, Shot amazingly well. Simple doable. You nailed it. I mean you really nailed it. You nailed it right to my forhead.

I loved the radioshack headphones, that made me chuckle.

the colours were perfect. I thought I was watching planet of the apes or something like that.

I'm Not worthy.

Robert Martens · August 25th, 2006, 01:56 PM

Just my luck I get lumped in with the rest of today's entrants...I cannot, and will not, say a bad word about this film. Not to be dramatic, but it is perfection. This is my kind of movie, and though I've never been a fan of vampire anything (movies, books, anything), this film is about more than that to me.

Aces, my friend. Aces.

Lorinda Norton · August 25th, 2006, 02:12 PM

Yep, Jay, this is a truly GREAT movie! So interesting from start to finish, such flawless cinematography.

I was struck by the scope of this production, even as I stayed with the story. You worked those mountains! Every shot was so well timed and executed; I was in awe of the sequence when you jumped from one rock to the other near the beginning. Camera angles, editing, acting...WOW.

Justin Jesselli · August 25th, 2006, 02:23 PM

Ahoy Jay!

Yeah, this is really cool. I'm drawn to Sci-Fi stories in general, so you earn points for that. In particular, you've very cleverly worked with the limitations of a 3-minute story in one location with a single actor. Very nice indeed. This is definitely one of my favorites so far!

I think the biggest issue is the lack of music. A little bit of ambient music -- something minimalist but tense -- would go a long way here. Something to complement the stark photography. It would go a long way in aiding with the tension of being stranded on an alien landscape. The narration was good, but I could almost imagine the main character sounding a little more desperate.

All in all, this is great, though! Well done.

Michael Fossenkemper · August 25th, 2006, 06:09 PM

Ok freak of nature, tell us how you made your movie. By the way, great location too. It's interesting that you chose not to use music. I personally love that there is no music but my first reaction would be to put it in.

Colton Davie · August 25th, 2006, 07:45 PM

Great job! I really liked this one. The location, props and make-up were fantastic. The cinematography was also very good. Pretty much the only problem I had was that there were a couple shots that had a small chip video look. I think that had to do with the contrast in the shots, as well as lens flares. Otherwise, congratulations on a well made short.

Kris Holodak · August 25th, 2006, 09:37 PM

Fun story. Great shooting. Great editing. Great acting even, and voice overs can be so hard to get right. If I had to find something to be critical of it would be that going toward the sunrise would make your day shorter, not longer. If you want more sun you'd need to chase the sunset. But really, very well done.

Michael Fossenkemper · August 25th, 2006, 10:30 PM

Good Catch Kris. I caught that on my 8th viewing.

Sean McHenry · August 25th, 2006, 11:27 PM

Yep. I have to move to the south pole and change my name now. Out Sci-Fi-ed. Well, mine are always Sci-Fi. Come to think of it, mine aren't normally Sci-Fi at all. Ok, no south pole just yet then.

I agree, this was well done. Color drifts in tonality a bit from that nice yellowish to a more B&W feel in some areas but it sure was good.

I know a lot of you folks are younger but you should probably look for a film called Robinson Crusoe on Mars.

http://www.dismalswamptraders.com/sp...e-on-mars.html

Similar story line. Also somewhat similar but the opposite of Pitch Black.

Great angles. Good movement. Good location choices etc. Narration is about the only way I could see doing this. Maybe a shot of him writing it down in a journal or speaking into a tape recorder, as in the movie above.

I too like the collection of "space gear". It's amazing how many times you can find a Waveform monitor or Vector Scope or even a video switcher in Sci-Fi movies.

Quick story:
I read in one of the old Star Trek behind the scenes books from back in the 70s, they were looking for plants that looked "spacey" enough to be used in a shot on the show and were having trouble visualizing it. Mr. Rodenbury took a plant from an office or desk, my memory is fuzzy on that part, shook the dirt off the roots and put it in the pot upside down and said it should be like that. Or something like that anyway is how I remember the story. You did great with what you had around it seems.

Good job,

Sean

Dick Mays · August 26th, 2006, 06:20 AM

[QUOTE=Colton Davie]Great job! there were a couple shots that had a small chip video look. QUOTE]

Boy, I'm going to have to develop my technical eye. People noticing Canon Reds, Adapters, and small chip video. I'm such a rookie.

Ditto what everybody is saying. Great story. Great cinematography. This had a real theatrical look to the shots. The dark frames. Sort of a Terminator feel to the whole thing. Favorite shot was jump over the rocks.

Great entry.

There was one wide shot, where you appeared to be using a dolly. Did you lay out tracks? When the landscape is so rough it would have to be on tracks, right? Man, I've got to get me a dolly.

Jay Silver · August 26th, 2006, 06:51 PM

Since all the movies are out I guess it won't hurt to spill a bit more.

I shot this in a little area recently excavated/blasted for a new store in a local business park. I happened to bike past on my way to check out a nearby quarry but was blown away by how perfectly it matched what I had in my head. It was also made so recently that very little vegetation had moved in.

So in one afternoon and two evenings my brother and I (with extra help on that first afternoon) worked every possible angle out of this little patch of ground. I originally had a longer story and so shot quite a bit of fun stuff that got trimmed.

I like the visual part of the result. After the contest I'm going to lengthen a few shots and tuck in a few more that were omitted for time. Then I need to redo the narration (done in a flurry of writing and rewriting two hours before deadline), add some proper foley and some atmospheric sounds (as opposed to true music).

Eric: I don't think I can without narration but I would like more sparse narration. Maybe that'll help. I couldn't have long stretches without any good sound (which I didn't have time for) and so I used more talking.

Justin: I agree that the tension would be heightened with good sound, if not actual music. The narration definitely needs some work.

Colton: Some of the shots have been pushed a bit too far to get the look (I wasn't able to keep as close an eye on the camera as I would have liked) but the lens flares I like.

Kris: Damn. I knew someone would notice - I changed it on the fly as I was reading because I didn't want to say "the sun" again. I knew it was wrong but didn't have time to rerecord yet again.

Sean: The colour is supposed to be cooler when I crawl down into the crater because the sun is lower. Even so, there are certainly inconsistencies to the look. I should have used a colour chart if I knew I was going to fiddle with colours.

Dick: Nope, no dolly. That was handheld by my brother, leaning on a rock.

Thanks for all the great replies, everyone! I felt pretty good about it when I sent the link to Dylan but the positive response has been overwhelming and well worth all the trouble of making it. Good luck to all!

-j

Lorinda Norton · August 26th, 2006, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay Silver

I shot this in a little area recently excavated/blasted for a new store in a local business park.

No way!!! :) When you folks in Nova Scotia excavate, you really do it up right! My mouth fell open when I read that--I'd have sworn you were aout in the middle of nowhere for this shoot. Way to maximize your location.

Thanks for the extra behind-the-scenes, Jay. This is one heck of a film. Please tell your brother he did a great job on that camera, okay?

Jay Silver · August 26th, 2006, 08:32 PM

Check these out:

http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media/temp/Location.jpg

This is pretty much the whole spot, taken from the edge of the parking lot where we left the car. The "crater" is on the right, and there's a secondary one used for a few shots even farther right, beyond the frame shown here. You can see the trees that forced a lot of low angles.

http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media...Background.jpg

Based on the first photo, this one would be at the center of the location looking left. A car dealership and more trees. Beyond is a busy highway (well, busy for Nova Scotia). The place is so close to everything that when my friend with the car wasn't available we just took the bus which stopped somewhere in the far left of this pic.

http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media/temp/CloseBy.jpg

Looking back toward the parking lot (and the new furniture store that spawned this pile of rubble). The crater was really a three-sided box - the fourth was an open view of this place. The little boxed in area behind the van was where the employees would stand to smoke. They watched, but no one ever said anything; even when we walked right by them to leave.

http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media/temp/Dev.jpg

My brother, shooting the "jumping from rock to rock" shot. We've never worked together on anything like this before and had a great time. Toward the end we were beginning to understand the Sam and Ted Raimi dynamic of fraternal abuse for a higher cause.

I'll tell him you liked his camerawork, Lorinda - he'll like that.

-j

August 25th, 2006, 01:14 PM	#1
Jay Silver Regular Crew Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada Posts: 112	DVC 6 Feedback - The Bright Side Thanks for watching my short! It was one of the first ideas I had and I'm glad I stuck to my guns and finished it - I almost gave up a few times. I don't want to say much more until the voting is completed. I appreciate any comments, positive or negative, because I'm in this thing to learn. -j

August 25th, 2006, 02:12 PM	#5
Lorinda Norton Wrangler Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Southwest Idaho, USA Posts: 3,066	Yep, Jay, this is a truly GREAT movie! So interesting from start to finish, such flawless cinematography. I was struck by the scope of this production, even as I stayed with the story. You worked those mountains! Every shot was so well timed and executed; I was in awe of the sequence when you jumped from one rock to the other near the beginning. Camera angles, editing, acting...WOW. __________________ Lorinda

August 25th, 2006, 11:27 PM	#11
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	Yep. I have to move to the south pole and change my name now. Out Sci-Fi-ed. Well, mine are always Sci-Fi. Come to think of it, mine aren't normally Sci-Fi at all. Ok, no south pole just yet then. I agree, this was well done. Color drifts in tonality a bit from that nice yellowish to a more B&W feel in some areas but it sure was good. I know a lot of you folks are younger but you should probably look for a film called Robinson Crusoe on Mars. http://www.dismalswamptraders.com/sp...e-on-mars.html Similar story line. Also somewhat similar but the opposite of Pitch Black. Great angles. Good movement. Good location choices etc. Narration is about the only way I could see doing this. Maybe a shot of him writing it down in a journal or speaking into a tape recorder, as in the movie above. I too like the collection of "space gear". It's amazing how many times you can find a Waveform monitor or Vector Scope or even a video switcher in Sci-Fi movies. Quick story: I read in one of the old Star Trek behind the scenes books from back in the 70s, they were looking for plants that looked "spacey" enough to be used in a shot on the show and were having trouble visualizing it. Mr. Rodenbury took a plant from an office or desk, my memory is fuzzy on that part, shook the dirt off the roots and put it in the pot upside down and said it should be like that. Or something like that anyway is how I remember the story. You did great with what you had around it seems. Good job, Sean __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com

August 25th, 2006, 01:20 PM	#2
Eric Gan Regular Crew Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Vancouver, Canada Posts: 187	Jay, outstanding cinematography, and great looking location. Love the use of the scope aspect ratio. Upon watching this the second time, I wondered, would it be possible to tell this story without the narration? It would be a lot more difficult, but it might add to the sense of isolation after a crash on a foreign planet. This was great. I loved it.

August 25th, 2006, 01:23 PM	#3
Michael Fossenkemper Major Player Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NYC, weeee. Posts: 417	Freakin GREAT. OH MAN OH MAN. Not only was this a great story, IT was well written, Shot amazingly well. Simple doable. You nailed it. I mean you really nailed it. You nailed it right to my forhead. I loved the radioshack headphones, that made me chuckle. the colours were perfect. I thought I was watching planet of the apes or something like that. I'm Not worthy.

August 25th, 2006, 01:56 PM	#4
Robert Martens Major Player Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Miller Place, NY Posts: 820	Just my luck I get lumped in with the rest of today's entrants...I cannot, and will not, say a bad word about this film. Not to be dramatic, but it is perfection. This is my kind of movie, and though I've never been a fan of vampire anything (movies, books, anything), this film is about more than that to me. Aces, my friend. Aces.

August 25th, 2006, 02:23 PM	#6
Justin Jesselli New Boot Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 11	Ahoy Jay! Yeah, this is really cool. I'm drawn to Sci-Fi stories in general, so you earn points for that. In particular, you've very cleverly worked with the limitations of a 3-minute story in one location with a single actor. Very nice indeed. This is definitely one of my favorites so far! I think the biggest issue is the lack of music. A little bit of ambient music -- something minimalist but tense -- would go a long way here. Something to complement the stark photography. It would go a long way in aiding with the tension of being stranded on an alien landscape. The narration was good, but I could almost imagine the main character sounding a little more desperate. All in all, this is great, though! Well done.

August 25th, 2006, 06:09 PM	#7
Michael Fossenkemper Major Player Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NYC, weeee. Posts: 417	Ok freak of nature, tell us how you made your movie. By the way, great location too. It's interesting that you chose not to use music. I personally love that there is no music but my first reaction would be to put it in.

August 25th, 2006, 07:45 PM	#8
Colton Davie Regular Crew Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Montgomery, Alabama Posts: 30	Great job! I really liked this one. The location, props and make-up were fantastic. The cinematography was also very good. Pretty much the only problem I had was that there were a couple shots that had a small chip video look. I think that had to do with the contrast in the shots, as well as lens flares. Otherwise, congratulations on a well made short.

August 25th, 2006, 09:37 PM	#9
Kris Holodak Major Player Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Washington, DC Posts: 302	Fun story. Great shooting. Great editing. Great acting even, and voice overs can be so hard to get right. If I had to find something to be critical of it would be that going toward the sunrise would make your day shorter, not longer. If you want more sun you'd need to chase the sunset. But really, very well done.

August 25th, 2006, 10:30 PM	#10
Michael Fossenkemper Major Player Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: NYC, weeee. Posts: 417	Good Catch Kris. I caught that on my 8th viewing.

August 26th, 2006, 06:20 AM	#12
Dick Mays Major Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 690	[QUOTE=Colton Davie]Great job! there were a couple shots that had a small chip video look. QUOTE] Boy, I'm going to have to develop my technical eye. People noticing Canon Reds, Adapters, and small chip video. I'm such a rookie. Ditto what everybody is saying. Great story. Great cinematography. This had a real theatrical look to the shots. The dark frames. Sort of a Terminator feel to the whole thing. Favorite shot was jump over the rocks. Great entry. There was one wide shot, where you appeared to be using a dolly. Did you lay out tracks? When the landscape is so rough it would have to be on tracks, right? Man, I've got to get me a dolly.

August 26th, 2006, 06:51 PM	#13
Jay Silver Regular Crew Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada Posts: 112	Since all the movies are out I guess it won't hurt to spill a bit more. I shot this in a little area recently excavated/blasted for a new store in a local business park. I happened to bike past on my way to check out a nearby quarry but was blown away by how perfectly it matched what I had in my head. It was also made so recently that very little vegetation had moved in. So in one afternoon and two evenings my brother and I (with extra help on that first afternoon) worked every possible angle out of this little patch of ground. I originally had a longer story and so shot quite a bit of fun stuff that got trimmed. I like the visual part of the result. After the contest I'm going to lengthen a few shots and tuck in a few more that were omitted for time. Then I need to redo the narration (done in a flurry of writing and rewriting two hours before deadline), add some proper foley and some atmospheric sounds (as opposed to true music). Eric: I don't think I can without narration but I would like more sparse narration. Maybe that'll help. I couldn't have long stretches without any good sound (which I didn't have time for) and so I used more talking. Justin: I agree that the tension would be heightened with good sound, if not actual music. The narration definitely needs some work. Colton: Some of the shots have been pushed a bit too far to get the look (I wasn't able to keep as close an eye on the camera as I would have liked) but the lens flares I like. Kris: Damn. I knew someone would notice - I changed it on the fly as I was reading because I didn't want to say "the sun" again. I knew it was wrong but didn't have time to rerecord yet again. Sean: The colour is supposed to be cooler when I crawl down into the crater because the sun is lower. Even so, there are certainly inconsistencies to the look. I should have used a colour chart if I knew I was going to fiddle with colours. Dick: Nope, no dolly. That was handheld by my brother, leaning on a rock. Thanks for all the great replies, everyone! I felt pretty good about it when I sent the link to Dylan but the positive response has been overwhelming and well worth all the trouble of making it. Good luck to all! -j

August 26th, 2006, 08:32 PM	#15
Jay Silver Regular Crew Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada Posts: 112	Check these out: http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media/temp/Location.jpg This is pretty much the whole spot, taken from the edge of the parking lot where we left the car. The "crater" is on the right, and there's a secondary one used for a few shots even farther right, beyond the frame shown here. You can see the trees that forced a lot of low angles. http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media...Background.jpg Based on the first photo, this one would be at the center of the location looking left. A car dealership and more trees. Beyond is a busy highway (well, busy for Nova Scotia). The place is so close to everything that when my friend with the car wasn't available we just took the bus which stopped somewhere in the far left of this pic. http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media/temp/CloseBy.jpg Looking back toward the parking lot (and the new furniture store that spawned this pile of rubble). The crater was really a three-sided box - the fourth was an open view of this place. The little boxed in area behind the van was where the employees would stand to smoke. They watched, but no one ever said anything; even when we walked right by them to leave. http://www.zirk.brickfilms.com/media/temp/Dev.jpg My brother, shooting the "jumping from rock to rock" shot. We've never worked together on anything like this before and had a great time. Toward the end we were beginning to understand the Sam and Ted Raimi dynamic of fraternal abuse for a higher cause. I'll tell him you liked his camerawork, Lorinda - he'll like that. -j