dvc5 feedback

Philip Gioja · April 14th, 2006, 07:44 AM

I haven't even gotten to the coffee yet....

This is my first DVC, so it was a little scary, especially since I haven't been on the board very long, but it's a good experience and have really enjoyed it so far. Thanks to Dylan again who puts in the work to do this.

Take Me Back was shot with a Canon GL2, Bogen 755 sticks, 501 head, an Audio Technica AT897 shotgun mic for all audio, cut on Final Cut Pro.

Hope you enjoy it.

Robert Martens · April 14th, 2006, 09:29 AM

You've got nothing to be scared about, this was a nice piece of work.

Seems like the actors may not have been entirely comfortable with some of the dialogue, their emotions didn't always seem to match up with what they were saying. When he asks her the second time, she doesn't seem enthusiastic enough to me when she says yes.

I'm also a touch mixed up about the ending; earlier in the film, the guy goes to work on a project of some sort (should we be able to tell what it is?), and later on the woman sees him working in that mirror/painting/picture frame implying that both are happening at the same time in different places, but then at the end, well, I don't want to spoil anything, it just doesn't seem that all those things fit together in my mind right away.

Chris Barcellos · April 14th, 2006, 09:51 AM

Its so hard to fit everything in a five minutes. Great effects, and I am taking the frame on the wall as a reflection of what could have been. Wasn't clear to me on first go around if that was something "he" had devised, or what. I would be happy with a production that polished.

Edward Slonaker · April 14th, 2006, 09:59 AM

Not bad for a first go. Really enjoyed the "what-could-have-been" sequence in the frame. Nice. Yeah, I had a little trouble with the acting, too but, hey, everybody's gotta start somewhere.

Meryem Ersoz · April 14th, 2006, 10:01 AM

i always enjoy stories within stories (within stories). very nice.

pass the kleenex, please! sniff.

Hugo Pinto · April 14th, 2006, 10:07 AM

Philip,

I really liked the concept! Overall, it is a very good first fiece of work, and you should be proud of it. Usually when you get the taste of it you can't resist simply going out and shoot some more and more and more.

Sure, the lines could have been done a bit differently to reinforce continuity (maybe your actors were already tired of the 10th take :) ) but the mood gets thru, and the ending is appropriately done.

Very good! Congrats to you and your actors, which did quite a good job as well!

Hugo

William Gardner · April 14th, 2006, 10:33 AM

Good work, especially for a first go.

I liked the varying shots when he's working with the tools. Pretty shots of the town also.

I liked the general story concept and the "reflection of what could have been" in the mirror on the wall. Nice concept and nice effect. Some of the plot transitions seemed a bit sudden to me (Will you marry me? No, and I'm leaving you and the town right now... Then she comes back and immediately gets him to ask her again, and he does so without question after 5 years? Though it must have been tough to work it all in with a 5 minute timeline... :)

Nice entry,
Bill

PS: Why is he sleeping in an apartment with no sheets or pillows? :)

Philip Gioja · April 14th, 2006, 11:07 AM

Thanks for the good comments -- it was a lot to cram into 5 minutes so there are a couple things that didn't come through as clear as I wanted them too, but it sounds like the overall idea is coming through well.

The 'no sheets' -- I was trying to make it look like the apartment was abandoned -- like Jack was doing better and had moved on a while ago and just left it the way it was. That was something I struggled with a bit and didn't get quite right.

Him working on the project -- I was trying to show that he wasn't as much of a bum as before, like he'd gotten up and gotten some kind of job or found some interest at least. Another point that I wrestled with a lot but didn't deliver as well as I had hoped.

It sounds like the mirror idea worked out pretty well -- I wasn't sure how that would come out but it sounds like you're all getting it, so that's really cool.

I know the acting/directing wasn't as strong as it could have been, but one moment really got me excited about directing again sometime -- the scene where 'Lucy' is sitting on the bed thinking, she told me afterward that she really started to feel like her character -- depressed, down-and-out, and she said she almost started crying while she was sitting there. I like that moment in the film because I felt like I had created enough of an atmosphere and story that she could actually feel something. That was pretty rewarding.

Bruce Broussard · April 14th, 2006, 11:19 AM

I enjoyed the film. I thought the cinematrography was quite good. The lighting was very good. Sound also. I thought the best scene was the abandoned apartment. You did a good job of squeezing all of that into the 5 minutes. I was sort of hoping he would tell her to get lost in the final scene.

Bradley L Marlow · April 14th, 2006, 11:30 AM

Hi Philip,

I can see you put a lot of work into your film and you should be proud. Nice job. I would echo most sentiments already stated and yes, the mirror sequence was great.

Best wishes~
Bradley

Lorinda Norton · April 14th, 2006, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bruce Broussard

I was sort of hoping he would tell her to get lost in the final scene.

LOL! I was thinking that same thing!!

Nice job, Philip, in pulling off a story that should take lots longer to flesh out than the time we're given here. The earlier segment with the power tools was quite good, and I liked feeling as if this guy had moved on and was doing well. You burst my bubble, but that's okay. :)

Keep up the good work, Mr. Director!

Philip Gioja · April 14th, 2006, 02:52 PM

That could've worked -- turning her down at the end. Yup, I could see that working out -- she's dreaming about how good it could/will be, and then he kicks her out. Good thought.

Meryem Ersoz · April 14th, 2006, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Philip Gioja

I know the acting/directing wasn't as strong as it could have been, but one moment really got me excited about directing again sometime -- the scene where 'Lucy' is sitting on the bed thinking, she told me afterward that she really started to feel like her character -- depressed, down-and-out, and she said she almost started crying while she was sitting there. I like that moment in the film because I felt like I had created enough of an atmosphere and story that she could actually feel something. That was pretty rewarding.

this is so dang cool! i love stuff like this, the story behind the story. that's the real magic of making videos, the unanticipated outcomes, the sense of adventure, of never knowing where an idea will take you or where it will land (in you or in other people).....

Sean McHenry · April 15th, 2006, 01:14 AM

The way I took the ending is that this reuniting was only in his mind. He was working away and the photo reminded him of what could have been. Then we jump, in his head, to the constant hope he has that one day he will find her asking to be back in his life. He would likely say yes. Someone doesn't pine away that long just to say no to the object of their obsession.

Nice work. I look forward to more from you as the writing and story are the real work in these shorts. I love comedy, I love darkness. I like it all really. This one, as I described the way I saw it, was a good story. It would be tough to make those leaps in time play perfectly.

Watch films like Momento and The Jacket, Eternal Sunshine..., etc to see how others have handled these leaps of time in story lines. One of the best at this, I think, was Slaughter House Five. Hard to find but worth it.

Good luck and keep shooting.

Sean McHenry

Philip Gioja · April 15th, 2006, 06:31 AM

You nailed where I was going with it -- cool. That's partly why he does say yes in that last scene with her -- that's what he really wants.

April 14th, 2006, 07:44 AM	#1
Philip Gioja Major Player Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Piper City, IL Posts: 350	dvc5 feedback - take me back I haven't even gotten to the coffee yet.... This is my first DVC, so it was a little scary, especially since I haven't been on the board very long, but it's a good experience and have really enjoyed it so far. Thanks to Dylan again who puts in the work to do this. Take Me Back was shot with a Canon GL2, Bogen 755 sticks, 501 head, an Audio Technica AT897 shotgun mic for all audio, cut on Final Cut Pro. Hope you enjoy it.

April 14th, 2006, 09:51 AM	#3
Chris Barcellos Inner Circle Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Elk Grove CA Posts: 6,838	Its so hard to fit everything in a five minutes. Great effects, and I am taking the frame on the wall as a reflection of what could have been. Wasn't clear to me on first go around if that was something "he" had devised, or what. I would be happy with a production that polished. __________________ Chris J. Barcellos

April 14th, 2006, 09:59 AM	#4
Edward Slonaker Major Player Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Hell's 6 acres in S. Texas Posts: 203	Not bad for a first go. Really enjoyed the "what-could-have-been" sequence in the frame. Nice. Yeah, I had a little trouble with the acting, too but, hey, everybody's gotta start somewhere. __________________ Edward Slonaker El Pilon Productions San Patricio, Texas www.elpilon.com

April 15th, 2006, 01:14 AM	#14
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	The way I took the ending is that this reuniting was only in his mind. He was working away and the photo reminded him of what could have been. Then we jump, in his head, to the constant hope he has that one day he will find her asking to be back in his life. He would likely say yes. Someone doesn't pine away that long just to say no to the object of their obsession. Nice work. I look forward to more from you as the writing and story are the real work in these shorts. I love comedy, I love darkness. I like it all really. This one, as I described the way I saw it, was a good story. It would be tough to make those leaps in time play perfectly. Watch films like Momento and The Jacket, Eternal Sunshine..., etc to see how others have handled these leaps of time in story lines. One of the best at this, I think, was Slaughter House Five. Hard to find but worth it. Good luck and keep shooting. Sean McHenry __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com

April 14th, 2006, 09:29 AM	#2
Robert Martens Major Player Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Miller Place, NY Posts: 820	You've got nothing to be scared about, this was a nice piece of work. Seems like the actors may not have been entirely comfortable with some of the dialogue, their emotions didn't always seem to match up with what they were saying. When he asks her the second time, she doesn't seem enthusiastic enough to me when she says yes. I'm also a touch mixed up about the ending; earlier in the film, the guy goes to work on a project of some sort (should we be able to tell what it is?), and later on the woman sees him working in that mirror/painting/picture frame implying that both are happening at the same time in different places, but then at the end, well, I don't want to spoil anything, it just doesn't seem that all those things fit together in my mind right away.

April 14th, 2006, 10:01 AM	#5
Meryem Ersoz Wrangler Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Boulder, CO Posts: 3,015	i always enjoy stories within stories (within stories). very nice. pass the kleenex, please! sniff.

April 14th, 2006, 10:07 AM	#6
Hugo Pinto Regular Crew Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Lisbon, Portugal Posts: 92	Philip, I really liked the concept! Overall, it is a very good first fiece of work, and you should be proud of it. Usually when you get the taste of it you can't resist simply going out and shoot some more and more and more. Sure, the lines could have been done a bit differently to reinforce continuity (maybe your actors were already tired of the 10th take :) ) but the mood gets thru, and the ending is appropriately done. Very good! Congrats to you and your actors, which did quite a good job as well! Hugo

April 14th, 2006, 10:33 AM	#7
William Gardner Major Player Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 216	Good work, especially for a first go. I liked the varying shots when he's working with the tools. Pretty shots of the town also. I liked the general story concept and the "reflection of what could have been" in the mirror on the wall. Nice concept and nice effect. Some of the plot transitions seemed a bit sudden to me (Will you marry me? No, and I'm leaving you and the town right now... Then she comes back and immediately gets him to ask her again, and he does so without question after 5 years? Though it must have been tough to work it all in with a 5 minute timeline... :) Nice entry, Bill PS: Why is he sleeping in an apartment with no sheets or pillows? :)

April 14th, 2006, 11:07 AM	#8
Philip Gioja Major Player Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Piper City, IL Posts: 350	Thanks for the good comments -- it was a lot to cram into 5 minutes so there are a couple things that didn't come through as clear as I wanted them too, but it sounds like the overall idea is coming through well. The 'no sheets' -- I was trying to make it look like the apartment was abandoned -- like Jack was doing better and had moved on a while ago and just left it the way it was. That was something I struggled with a bit and didn't get quite right. Him working on the project -- I was trying to show that he wasn't as much of a bum as before, like he'd gotten up and gotten some kind of job or found some interest at least. Another point that I wrestled with a lot but didn't deliver as well as I had hoped. It sounds like the mirror idea worked out pretty well -- I wasn't sure how that would come out but it sounds like you're all getting it, so that's really cool. I know the acting/directing wasn't as strong as it could have been, but one moment really got me excited about directing again sometime -- the scene where 'Lucy' is sitting on the bed thinking, she told me afterward that she really started to feel like her character -- depressed, down-and-out, and she said she almost started crying while she was sitting there. I like that moment in the film because I felt like I had created enough of an atmosphere and story that she could actually feel something. That was pretty rewarding.

April 14th, 2006, 11:19 AM	#9
Bruce Broussard Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 132	I enjoyed the film. I thought the cinematrography was quite good. The lighting was very good. Sound also. I thought the best scene was the abandoned apartment. You did a good job of squeezing all of that into the 5 minutes. I was sort of hoping he would tell her to get lost in the final scene.

April 14th, 2006, 11:30 AM	#10
Bradley L Marlow Major Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Central Wyoming Posts: 484	Hi Philip, I can see you put a lot of work into your film and you should be proud. Nice job. I would echo most sentiments already stated and yes, the mirror sequence was great. Best wishes~ Bradley

April 14th, 2006, 02:52 PM	#12
Philip Gioja Major Player Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Piper City, IL Posts: 350	That could've worked -- turning her down at the end. Yup, I could see that working out -- she's dreaming about how good it could/will be, and then he kicks her out. Good thought.

April 15th, 2006, 06:31 AM	#15
Philip Gioja Major Player Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Piper City, IL Posts: 350	You nailed where I was going with it -- cool. That's partly why he does say yes in that last scene with her -- that's what he really wants.