DVC17 - Honest Work

Jeremy Doyle · October 15th, 2009, 06:49 AM

I was pretty excited when I saw this theme, but wasn't sure what to do and if I'd have time to do it. We already had the script for this short and decided to shoot it and then make the trailer. We will definitely be in the sub challenge. There's still some work to be done to finish the short, but I think it's shaping up nicely.

When working on the trailer, I pretty much ran out of time and this is what I ended up with. There are several things that I really don't like about it, but I'm going to let y'all talk about it first to see if I'm being overly analytical or if the same stuff gets picked out.

It was shot in 1 day in about 7 hours. We did have a read through the night before with "actors", which of course have never acted outside of our own little shorts.

Hope you enjoy it.

Julia Liu · October 15th, 2009, 02:59 PM

I love this concept- very Clerks-esque (one of my all time favorites). That line "move it 4 whole steps" is so key. That actor is hilarious and so well casted. He just looks so disgruntled and at the same time infuriatingly condescending. Perfect.
The VO is great at the beginning and the trucking shots across the merchandise works well. Also the record scratch timed with the film stutter is really funny.
I really liked the character titles/graphics (especially the one for the trucker at the urinal...sooo great) but I thought the titles that came up on the black screen with a little lazer light sounds and graphics didn't fit as well. Was it supposed to reference a scanner?
Overall this was really funny and I can't wait to see the short! Great job!

Chris Barcellos · October 15th, 2009, 10:30 PM

Jeremy:

Interesting and fun. I liked graphics insertions for the introduction of the characters-- kind of gave it the trailer feel we were looking for.. Good pa too ! Nice job.

Lorinda Norton · October 16th, 2009, 12:02 AM

Who is your VO guy? He does a great job. Kind of a throwback to another decade of advertisers...50s, maybe...

Like Julia mentioned, the big clerk behind the counter is so maddening and funny at the same time that he's perfect. I just hope I never run into a C-store clerk like that.

Have to say that your graphics skills are really impressive, especially to someone like me who is so challenged in that area.

Really looking forward to seeing the whole thing at the end of the month. How should we do this--just have you guys post them on the 31st as a Halloween treat? :)

Jay Kavi · October 16th, 2009, 12:49 AM

Loved the concept and the first half, could use a bit of trimming though.

how the hell were you able to shoot in a convince store?

Alan Emery · October 16th, 2009, 08:21 AM

Being new to fiction on films (my background is science documentaries), I had to look up the definition of a modern fiction trailer: 2 minutes 30 seconds max, 3 acts - #1 sets premise, #2 moves story forward dramatically, #3 wraps with dramatic scenes and music to recap and entice.

Was this designed to be a fictional piece or a doc/mockumentary? Have to admit I am not sure where one draws the line. Because of this the definition of a trailer for a strictly fictional work might not apply. So if I just ask did it work? The answer is a clear yes. I am intrigued and would love to see more details about the wonderful range of characters found in a convenience store -- real or not!

Jeremy Doyle · October 16th, 2009, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julia Liu

but I thought the titles that came up on the black screen with a little lazer light sounds and graphics didn't fit as well. Was it supposed to reference a scanner?

Sure, let's call it a scanner... I don't think they work either. Like I said earlier we shot the short than went with a trailer after the fact. I let it go to the last minute and didn't start working on it until Friday night the 9th. I only have 12 hours into post. I didn't leave myself enough time to try out different looks and feels. That's the one thing about graphics, they take time.

I'm also not very happy with my audio, but didn't again I didn't leave myself enough time to tweak and find appropriate sound fx.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorinda Norton

Who is your VO guy?

He's a local radio guy. He also does some TV VO. If you're ever in central MN and have the radio on, I'm sure you'll hear his voice. His voice is tied to the area. And if you were ever to see him in person you'd say "That is not at all how I pictured him." At least that's what everyone I know says.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorinda Norton

Really looking forward to seeing the whole thing at the end of the month. How should we do this--just have you guys post them on the 31st as a Halloween treat? :)

That is a great question. Guess will have to start the official DVC 17 sub-challenge thread. I'm actually really excited by this short. It will be interesting to see what people say after seeing the trailer and then the film.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jay Kavi

how the hell were you able to shoot in a convince store?

It was a locally owned store and we asked. Unfortunately if we need any pick up shots they won't be happening there as they went out of business 2 weeks after we shot it. The owner never mentioned that he was about to shut down.

The thing that sucked, we shot while the store was open and we had to stop in a lot of takes as customers came into the store. Thank goodness for pay at the pump or who knows if we'd even have been able to do it. It took us seven hours to shoot. I'm sure we could have done it in half the time if the store wasn't open. Not to mention that the curly haired clerk took a ten minute break with the skater kids that turned into 45 as one of the kids bit it pretty good and needed a little patch job on his elbow.

Robert Martens · October 16th, 2009, 09:00 AM

If I had to deal with the public all day I'd be exactly like that clerk. I hate the public.

I'm not too fond of the 'record scratch' effect, myself, but when there's a punchline immediately after at least it makes sense. Here I'm not sure why it was used, I think you'd be better off without it.

The edits are my most significant note, I think they were in general a little late to the party; I'd like to see tighter timing from one line of copy to the next, it sounds like we're waiting too long after the VO delivers to get to the next premise. For example, the "welcoming smiles" shot, of the guy staring down the obnoxious customers, feels like it could be cut in half to get us onward to "witty conversation" quicker. I also think I'd leave with a greater sense of satisfaction if I knew what the guy was responding to with "what do you expect?" I can assume the customer asked a stupid question, as they tend to, I'd just like to know what it is.

Despite those problems, I'm engrossed by the characters and glad to hear the short is coming along. Good luck finishing up! Last but not least, of course, your VO voice did very, very well, that's the kind of voice I hear in real commercials. Did you approach a professional for this?

Oops, sorry! Posted at the same time, I didn't see your answer about the radio guy.

Jeremy Doyle · October 16th, 2009, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan Emery

Being new to fiction on films (my background is science documentaries), I had to look up the definition of a modern fiction trailer: 2 minutes 30 seconds max, 3 acts - #1 sets premise, #2 moves story forward dramatically, #3 wraps with dramatic scenes and music to recap and entice.

Mine is 3 acts, but would be more defined as #1 sets location, #2 intros characters, #3 reveals character interaction. Ending with a tag line and title to entice.

I don't think you can really boil all trailers down to this definition. Trailers are designed for 1 thing, to gain interest in seeing the full movie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan Emery

Was this designed to be a fictional piece or a doc/mockumentary?

You'll just have to wait and see.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alan Emery

I am intrigued and would love to see more details about the wonderful range of characters found in a convenience store -- real or not!

Only 2 more weeks and you'll get the chance!

Jeremy Doyle · October 16th, 2009, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robert Martens

I'm not too fond of the 'record scratch' effect, myself, but when there's a punchline immediately after at least it makes sense. Here I'm not sure why it was used, I think you'd be better off without it.

It was used to break up the music tracks and break from the overview into the setting. The reason I think it misses a little is because the second music track is too low and hard to hear.

All music was digital juice, btw.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robert Martens

The edits are my most significant note, I think they were in general a little late to the party; I'd like to see tighter timing from one line of copy to the next, it sounds like we're waiting too long after the VO delivers to get to the next premise.

I actually had them quicker, but didn't like it because of the graphics ended up on top of them actors delivering the lines. Now if I had come up with a better transition between the graphics and the scenes that would have helped. Unfortunately I just ran out of time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Robert Martens

I also think I'd leave with a greater sense of satisfaction if I knew what the guy was responding to with "what do you expect?" I can assume the customer asked a stupid question, as they tend to, I'd just like to know what it is.

Perfect. I want you to want to know what he is responding to. I'm not going to give it to you in the trailer!

Bruce Foreman · October 18th, 2009, 08:33 PM

Got my attention!

Got my curiosity up and I do want to see the finished film.

Can't add anything that hasn't already been said, I do like the premise.

October 16th, 2009, 12:02 AM	#4
Lorinda Norton Wrangler Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Southwest Idaho, USA Posts: 3,066	Who is your VO guy? He does a great job. Kind of a throwback to another decade of advertisers...50s, maybe... Like Julia mentioned, the big clerk behind the counter is so maddening and funny at the same time that he's perfect. I just hope I never run into a C-store clerk like that. Have to say that your graphics skills are really impressive, especially to someone like me who is so challenged in that area. Really looking forward to seeing the whole thing at the end of the month. How should we do this--just have you guys post them on the 31st as a Halloween treat? :) __________________ Lorinda

October 16th, 2009, 12:49 AM	#5
Jay Kavi Major Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 243	Loved the concept and the first half, could use a bit of trimming though. how the hell were you able to shoot in a convince store? __________________ www.vimeo.com/pegasuscompany www.youtube.com/pegasuscompany

October 15th, 2009, 06:49 AM	#1
Jeremy Doyle Major Player Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brainerd, MN Posts: 287	DVC17 - Honest Work - Jeremy Doyle I was pretty excited when I saw this theme, but wasn't sure what to do and if I'd have time to do it. We already had the script for this short and decided to shoot it and then make the trailer. We will definitely be in the sub challenge. There's still some work to be done to finish the short, but I think it's shaping up nicely. When working on the trailer, I pretty much ran out of time and this is what I ended up with. There are several things that I really don't like about it, but I'm going to let y'all talk about it first to see if I'm being overly analytical or if the same stuff gets picked out. It was shot in 1 day in about 7 hours. We did have a read through the night before with "actors", which of course have never acted outside of our own little shorts. Hope you enjoy it.

October 15th, 2009, 02:59 PM	#2
Julia Liu Regular Crew Join Date: May 2009 Location: Providence, Rhode Island Posts: 28	I love this concept- very Clerks-esque (one of my all time favorites). That line "move it 4 whole steps" is so key. That actor is hilarious and so well casted. He just looks so disgruntled and at the same time infuriatingly condescending. Perfect. The VO is great at the beginning and the trucking shots across the merchandise works well. Also the record scratch timed with the film stutter is really funny. I really liked the character titles/graphics (especially the one for the trucker at the urinal...sooo great) but I thought the titles that came up on the black screen with a little lazer light sounds and graphics didn't fit as well. Was it supposed to reference a scanner? Overall this was really funny and I can't wait to see the short! Great job!

October 15th, 2009, 10:30 PM	#3
Chris Barcellos Inner Circle Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Elk Grove CA Posts: 6,838	Jeremy: Interesting and fun. I liked graphics insertions for the introduction of the characters-- kind of gave it the trailer feel we were looking for.. Good pa too ! Nice job. __________________ Chris J. Barcellos

October 16th, 2009, 08:21 AM	#6
Alan Emery Major Player Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Janetville Ontario Canada Posts: 210	Being new to fiction on films (my background is science documentaries), I had to look up the definition of a modern fiction trailer: 2 minutes 30 seconds max, 3 acts - #1 sets premise, #2 moves story forward dramatically, #3 wraps with dramatic scenes and music to recap and entice. Was this designed to be a fictional piece or a doc/mockumentary? Have to admit I am not sure where one draws the line. Because of this the definition of a trailer for a strictly fictional work might not apply. So if I just ask did it work? The answer is a clear yes. I am intrigued and would love to see more details about the wonderful range of characters found in a convenience store -- real or not!

October 16th, 2009, 09:00 AM	#8
Robert Martens Major Player Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Miller Place, NY Posts: 820	If I had to deal with the public all day I'd be exactly like that clerk. I hate the public. I'm not too fond of the 'record scratch' effect, myself, but when there's a punchline immediately after at least it makes sense. Here I'm not sure why it was used, I think you'd be better off without it. The edits are my most significant note, I think they were in general a little late to the party; I'd like to see tighter timing from one line of copy to the next, it sounds like we're waiting too long after the VO delivers to get to the next premise. For example, the "welcoming smiles" shot, of the guy staring down the obnoxious customers, feels like it could be cut in half to get us onward to "witty conversation" quicker. I also think I'd leave with a greater sense of satisfaction if I knew what the guy was responding to with "what do you expect?" I can assume the customer asked a stupid question, as they tend to, I'd just like to know what it is. Despite those problems, I'm engrossed by the characters and glad to hear the short is coming along. Good luck finishing up! Last but not least, of course, your VO voice did very, very well, that's the kind of voice I hear in real commercials. Did you approach a professional for this? Oops, sorry! Posted at the same time, I didn't see your answer about the radio guy.

October 18th, 2009, 08:33 PM	#11
Bruce Foreman Trustee Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: San Angelo Texas Posts: 1,518	Got my attention! Got my curiosity up and I do want to see the finished film. Can't add anything that hasn't already been said, I do like the premise.