Feedback for "Off the Radar"

Sean McHenry · December 13th, 2005, 08:22 PM

OK, I too will take this moment to start the feedback thread for "Off the Radar".

I won't spill it here but feel free to post comments as soon as Dylan posts the links.

I have set up a web page to cover the explaination of the short, a few screen shots and some background on the story line.

I can re-state that staging the police scene in the middle of the night on a deserted contry road was the highlite, especially since I use a total of less than 4 seconds of the footage. Good experience though.

Hope you will all enjoy it. I look forward to everyone elses.

Sean McHenry

Dick Mays · December 14th, 2005, 12:34 PM

Sean,

I'm glad someone joined me in jumping the gun on posting a feedback message! I love your reindeer accident scene! At least I love it the way it appears in my mind's eye...

Remember when we were kids, and our parents would point out the well behaved children at the next table? The ones with the good manners, waiting patiently for their food to arrive? We were the kids at the other table...

Dick

Sean McHenry · December 14th, 2005, 01:06 PM

Where is everyone? Since I am recovering on the couch, and have been for days now, I am wearing out the "refresh" on the forums waiting for the links to be released.

You know, if we are really judging each others, who are we waiting on?

I would like to release the link to mine tonight but will wait for Dylan to chime in. We still need an official, here's how we're doing this message.

Still on the couch.

I posted my surgery pics if anyons interested. They aren't gruesome or anything. The 4 short mpg videos might be hard to watch for some but again, no real blood.

http://www.surgetechservices.com/smchenry/Surgery.htm

EDIT - Dylan just posted that he will look to release the first set tomorrow. SMM

Sean

Dick Mays · December 15th, 2005, 07:19 PM

I bet one of you sent Dylan an early Christmas present, 12 year old scotch.
We may not see these DV4 entires until after New Years...

Sean McHenry · December 16th, 2005, 10:34 PM

Dylan is perfectly capable of finding his own 12 year old Scotts.

Sean (Evil Sean that is) ; o

Dylan Couper · December 17th, 2005, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sean McHenry

Dylan is perfectly capable of finding his own 12 year old Scotts.

You know my cut off is 16 year olds....
...16 year old Islay's like Lagavulin!

It co-stars in my movie actually. :)

Sean McHenry · December 17th, 2005, 12:23 AM

Lighting is too dim but there is a bottle of Carolynns Irish Creame on the table beside me in the wideshots.

Since you are still involved in the judging, I won't ask you what you think, yet.

The wife bought me a Canon 814 Auto Zoom Super 8mm camera for Christmas. I'm already writing a nearly 7 minute music video to use it on for a great Ukrainian Goth band. Gioing to have to be my first real production, and on actual film.

More later. I thought about trying to find a way to use the surgery pics in the video. Timing was bad, and it just didn't fit right.

See ya,

Sean

Lorinda Norton · December 17th, 2005, 04:20 PM

Really nice work, as usual, Sean. But, how can you bump off the reindeer?!? :)

You did a good job with giving me the "Ah, so that's it!" moment. And I liked your four seconds of the accident scene. Can't tell that you may have been freezing out there. Overall, that was quite an interesting story you told, which is what we're trying to do here.

(Btw, the one line reminded me of a joke I heard a guy from Arkansas tell earlier this year. "You know you're in Arkansas when you go to the hotel lobby and say, 'I've got a leak in my sink," and the clerk answers, 'Go ahead.'" :)

Mike Teutsch · December 17th, 2005, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorinda Norton

(Btw, the one line reminded me of a joke I heard a guy from Arkansas tell earlier this year. "You know you're in Arkansas when you go to the hotel lobby and say, 'I've got a leak in my sink," and the clerk answers, 'Go ahead.'" :)

OOOH, that's good!

Mike

Jean-Francois Robichaud · December 18th, 2005, 01:37 PM

This is the most original of the entries I've seen so far. The shot of Santa in the mirror is really creepy! I like the mystery of it all. I liked it, but there are some weak points that I feel not to be addressed.

Because of the beard, Santa's voice is too muffled and hard to understand. Speaking a bit louder would have helped. And it would have looked better if he had been wearing the whole Santa outfit. Overall, the acting is a bit on the flat side. More energy in the line reading would have worked better.

I feel some of the camera angles had too much headroom, and most of it was too wide for something that will be watched at a low resolution on a computer screen. As for the music: I think it would have worked better with some creepy or ominous music, rather than the Christmas music you used.

But like I said, very original; I like it!

Sean McHenry · December 18th, 2005, 05:26 PM

Not using a whole santa suit was intentional for a few reasons. One is that it would have been too cumbersome to remove the entire suit to reveal he was the same person. Besides, I always loved the idea of the clown on break or out at the grocery store only mostly out of makeup. It gives you a hint of who he really is without being 100% obvious.

As for the acting, don't I know it. In my only defense, I had to shoot it at 2am in my livingroom which shares a wall with the master bedroom where my wife was sleeping.

As for camera angles, Another short coming of being the only one in the crew and the cast.

Creepy music was a thought but I wanted to lure people in with the lighter stuff. I did look for creepy christmas music but other than learning a new application and scoring it myself, with spooky pitch bending, effect sounds and what not, wasn't going to happen this time around. Also, as we talked about in the forum, it's danged hard to get free Christmas music to use. I knew it was cheesy going in.

Right on the beard and the sound issue in costume. See the above part about the time and location.

Last note, remember I had to have this puppy done by Thursday evening.

All things considered, I'm very glad folks seem to like it. I knoe it's not my best but still, I had hoped folks would indeed find it original.

Thanks,

Sean

Jean-Francois Robichaud · December 18th, 2005, 05:55 PM

I've shot at least one movie in similar conditions (a cast and crew of one). Man, is it hard to compose properly when you can't see what you're doing!

That shot of Santa in the mirror really did creep me out though.

Dick Mays · December 19th, 2005, 03:45 AM

Sean,

Whereas, I loved your lighting, camera angles, and composition in DVC2 and DVC3, this one didn't work for me as well as your other entries. The brief accident shot was good, and the blood in the sink made a great picture, but I didn't get why he was in the bathroom. Was he dreaming he was shaving, or remembering a vision he saw while shaving earlier in the day?

To pull this off, you probably needed to have a lot more two shots of the Seans talking to each other. I'd even throw in some overlapping dialog to add urgency and make the two Sean's seem more real. It's hard to keep the interest level up, while an actor is sitting for a long time.

Sean, you have the most positive, helpful spirit in your critique of others, and a wonderful of providing suggestions, while making the filmmaker feel valued. I hope my suggestions are helpful, even though I'm not as skilled as you at giving feedback. (My wife has repeatedly told me, as a director, I have a crappy way of giving feedback to my actors.)

It's a great effort for a one man show, and Kudo's for getting it done and not ending up on the wall!

Dick

Sean McHenry · December 19th, 2005, 10:35 AM

Dick, thanks. I struggled a bit with the bathroom scene. It was supposed to be a flashback as he drifts off to sleep again in the first shot. Then he suddenly wakes and checks the phone again. I tried a few of the "standard" flashback wipes but they looked too cheesy for me. Perhaps a more subtle fade to black? I did adjust the coloring on that flashback/dream set of shots to a blue tone so we should be able to see it's not in the same reality as the "live" video.

I too thought I should have had more side-by-side shots of both of me. I actually tore down the living room set and didn't think of it till the next day. I knew lighting and everything would be too tough to replicate so I left it as it was.

If you see the full sized version you can see me actually cutting my face during the santa in the mirror shot. I used a small blood capsule with a fabricated small tube leading to the blades of the razor. Gave a stunned look and squeeze while looking at "santa" in the mirror.

I wanted the Santa face directly over mine to foreshadow that we were the same person. A little mental hint. Otherwise I would have just put him behind me and over my shoulder.

Glad folks are liking it. I too feel it wasn't the same as my last 2 but then again, it's a new idea and direction so hopefully that originallity will help carry me into the finals.

Thanks again,

Sean

Tyler Baptist · December 19th, 2005, 01:20 PM

Interesting idea here, but it just didn't get me going as I could see the ending a mile away. Also, the Christmas music didn't seem to fit the whole piece, I think it would have complimented it more if just used in the climax/ending of the piece, and something else used throughout the rest. Just my 2 cents.

Had me chuckle once or twice though.

December 13th, 2005, 08:22 PM	#1
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	Feedback for "Off the Radar" - DVC4 OK, I too will take this moment to start the feedback thread for "Off the Radar". I won't spill it here but feel free to post comments as soon as Dylan posts the links. I have set up a web page to cover the explaination of the short, a few screen shots and some background on the story line. I can re-state that staging the police scene in the middle of the night on a deserted contry road was the highlite, especially since I use a total of less than 4 seconds of the footage. Good experience though. Hope you will all enjoy it. I look forward to everyone elses. Sean McHenry __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com

December 14th, 2005, 01:06 PM	#3
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	Surgery info link included here. Where is everyone? Since I am recovering on the couch, and have been for days now, I am wearing out the "refresh" on the forums waiting for the links to be released. You know, if we are really judging each others, who are we waiting on? I would like to release the link to mine tonight but will wait for Dylan to chime in. We still need an official, here's how we're doing this message. Still on the couch. I posted my surgery pics if anyons interested. They aren't gruesome or anything. The 4 short mpg videos might be hard to watch for some but again, no real blood. http://www.surgetechservices.com/smchenry/Surgery.htm EDIT - Dylan just posted that he will look to release the first set tomorrow. SMM Sean __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com Last edited by Sean McHenry; December 14th, 2005 at 01:13 PM. Reason: title

December 16th, 2005, 10:34 PM	#5
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	Dylan is perfectly capable of finding his own 12 year old Scotts. Sean (Evil Sean that is) ; o __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com

December 17th, 2005, 12:23 AM	#7
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	Lighting is too dim but there is a bottle of Carolynns Irish Creame on the table beside me in the wideshots. Since you are still involved in the judging, I won't ask you what you think, yet. The wife bought me a Canon 814 Auto Zoom Super 8mm camera for Christmas. I'm already writing a nearly 7 minute music video to use it on for a great Ukrainian Goth band. Gioing to have to be my first real production, and on actual film. More later. I thought about trying to find a way to use the surgery pics in the video. Timing was bad, and it just didn't fit right. See ya, Sean __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com

December 17th, 2005, 04:20 PM	#8
Lorinda Norton Wrangler Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Southwest Idaho, USA Posts: 3,066	Really nice work, as usual, Sean. But, how can you bump off the reindeer?!? :) You did a good job with giving me the "Ah, so that's it!" moment. And I liked your four seconds of the accident scene. Can't tell that you may have been freezing out there. Overall, that was quite an interesting story you told, which is what we're trying to do here. (Btw, the one line reminded me of a joke I heard a guy from Arkansas tell earlier this year. "You know you're in Arkansas when you go to the hotel lobby and say, 'I've got a leak in my sink," and the clerk answers, 'Go ahead.'" :) __________________ Lorinda

December 14th, 2005, 12:34 PM	#2
Dick Mays Major Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 690	Sean, I'm glad someone joined me in jumping the gun on posting a feedback message! I love your reindeer accident scene! At least I love it the way it appears in my mind's eye... Remember when we were kids, and our parents would point out the well behaved children at the next table? The ones with the good manners, waiting patiently for their food to arrive? We were the kids at the other table... Dick

December 15th, 2005, 07:19 PM	#4
Dick Mays Major Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 690	I bet one of you sent Dylan an early Christmas present, 12 year old scotch. We may not see these DV4 entires until after New Years...

December 18th, 2005, 01:37 PM	#10
Jean-Francois Robichaud Regular Crew Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 142	This is the most original of the entries I've seen so far. The shot of Santa in the mirror is really creepy! I like the mystery of it all. I liked it, but there are some weak points that I feel not to be addressed. Because of the beard, Santa's voice is too muffled and hard to understand. Speaking a bit louder would have helped. And it would have looked better if he had been wearing the whole Santa outfit. Overall, the acting is a bit on the flat side. More energy in the line reading would have worked better. I feel some of the camera angles had too much headroom, and most of it was too wide for something that will be watched at a low resolution on a computer screen. As for the music: I think it would have worked better with some creepy or ominous music, rather than the Christmas music you used. But like I said, very original; I like it!

December 18th, 2005, 05:26 PM	#11
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	Not using a whole santa suit was intentional for a few reasons. One is that it would have been too cumbersome to remove the entire suit to reveal he was the same person. Besides, I always loved the idea of the clown on break or out at the grocery store only mostly out of makeup. It gives you a hint of who he really is without being 100% obvious. As for the acting, don't I know it. In my only defense, I had to shoot it at 2am in my livingroom which shares a wall with the master bedroom where my wife was sleeping. As for camera angles, Another short coming of being the only one in the crew and the cast. Creepy music was a thought but I wanted to lure people in with the lighter stuff. I did look for creepy christmas music but other than learning a new application and scoring it myself, with spooky pitch bending, effect sounds and what not, wasn't going to happen this time around. Also, as we talked about in the forum, it's danged hard to get free Christmas music to use. I knew it was cheesy going in. Right on the beard and the sound issue in costume. See the above part about the time and location. Last note, remember I had to have this puppy done by Thursday evening. All things considered, I'm very glad folks seem to like it. I knoe it's not my best but still, I had hoped folks would indeed find it original. Thanks, Sean __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com

December 18th, 2005, 05:55 PM	#12
Jean-Francois Robichaud Regular Crew Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 142	I've shot at least one movie in similar conditions (a cast and crew of one). Man, is it hard to compose properly when you can't see what you're doing! That shot of Santa in the mirror really did creep me out though.

December 19th, 2005, 03:45 AM	#13
Dick Mays Major Player Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 690	Sean, Whereas, I loved your lighting, camera angles, and composition in DVC2 and DVC3, this one didn't work for me as well as your other entries. The brief accident shot was good, and the blood in the sink made a great picture, but I didn't get why he was in the bathroom. Was he dreaming he was shaving, or remembering a vision he saw while shaving earlier in the day? To pull this off, you probably needed to have a lot more two shots of the Seans talking to each other. I'd even throw in some overlapping dialog to add urgency and make the two Sean's seem more real. It's hard to keep the interest level up, while an actor is sitting for a long time. Sean, you have the most positive, helpful spirit in your critique of others, and a wonderful of providing suggestions, while making the filmmaker feel valued. I hope my suggestions are helpful, even though I'm not as skilled as you at giving feedback. (My wife has repeatedly told me, as a director, I have a crappy way of giving feedback to my actors.) It's a great effort for a one man show, and Kudo's for getting it done and not ending up on the wall! Dick

December 19th, 2005, 10:35 AM	#14
Sean McHenry Trustee Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Hilliard, Ohio Posts: 1,193	Dick, thanks. I struggled a bit with the bathroom scene. It was supposed to be a flashback as he drifts off to sleep again in the first shot. Then he suddenly wakes and checks the phone again. I tried a few of the "standard" flashback wipes but they looked too cheesy for me. Perhaps a more subtle fade to black? I did adjust the coloring on that flashback/dream set of shots to a blue tone so we should be able to see it's not in the same reality as the "live" video. I too thought I should have had more side-by-side shots of both of me. I actually tore down the living room set and didn't think of it till the next day. I knew lighting and everything would be too tough to replicate so I left it as it was. If you see the full sized version you can see me actually cutting my face during the santa in the mirror shot. I used a small blood capsule with a fabricated small tube leading to the blades of the razor. Gave a stunned look and squeeze while looking at "santa" in the mirror. I wanted the Santa face directly over mine to foreshadow that we were the same person. A little mental hint. Otherwise I would have just put him behind me and over my shoulder. Glad folks are liking it. I too feel it wasn't the same as my last 2 but then again, it's a new idea and direction so hopefully that originallity will help carry me into the finals. Thanks again, Sean __________________ ‘I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m shooting on D.V.’ - my hero - David Lynch http://www.DeepBlueEdit.com

December 19th, 2005, 01:20 PM	#15
Tyler Baptist Regular Crew Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Saskatoon, SK Canada Posts: 71	Interesting idea here, but it just didn't get me going as I could see the ending a mile away. Also, the Christmas music didn't seem to fit the whole piece, I think it would have complimented it more if just used in the climax/ending of the piece, and something else used throughout the rest. Just my 2 cents. Had me chuckle once or twice though. __________________ Tyler Baptist