Monday at the Office DV Challenge #2 at DVinfo.net

Mitchell Stookey · July 17th, 2005, 10:43 PM

This was named by DVinfo's own Dylan Couper because I never posted a title with the link. I think it's better than anything I would have come up with anyway. It was shot with a DVX100a and edited in Vegas 5. Questions or comments are welcome.

EDIT: I forgot to post the link : )
http://cory.xstreamhost.com/short%20...tchsecrets.mov

Michael Gibbons · July 17th, 2005, 10:49 PM

I liked it very much. The gag in the closet made me laugh out loud.
It had a really slick and professional look.
Good job.

Lorinda Norton · July 18th, 2005, 01:16 PM

Nice job!!! The crooks are an absolute crack up (especially that stuff behind the couch and the dialogue in the closet). You're a very good writer. Actually, the whole thing is just quite good!!!

BTW, does anyone say "poindexter" anymore? :)

Daniel Kohl · July 18th, 2005, 06:22 PM

Good job, it was a lot of fun to watch.

Practice some of the technical things, like lighting and audio and you are good for prime time. The scene breakdowns look very professional. Good blocking, and excellent slapstick. I love the Judo roll into the closet.

I would have let it end with "Poindexter" standing behind the lead looking very dangerous. The gun in the mouth is unnecessarily obvious.

Really good work. Make more.

Chris Thiele · July 18th, 2005, 06:39 PM

My son, an 18 year old, and avid critic of short movies; said that this was his peoples choice, he loved it. I'm not happy with him, he was meant to say mine was his favorite! But I must say, reluctantly, (secretly) I really liked it too. Well executed.

Sheila Ward · July 18th, 2005, 07:22 PM

Good writing and very entertaining. The "roll" cracked me up. Good job!

Mitchell Stookey · July 18th, 2005, 08:20 PM

Thanks for all the comments! As for some answers -

Lorinda - Does anyone say poindexter anymore? No. I have never heard that word said in my entire life in context, hence why I chose to use it.

Daniel - We had about 3 alternate endings and that one made us laugh so hard and since it was a little controversial (people don't get why he'd open his mouth and accept the gun, and frankly neither do I) we liked it even more. I know what you're saying and thanks for the feed back!

Here's a secret about the movie as well. I am the smiling dead body in the closet : ). Although I am usually wearing glasses which the poindexter wore in the final shot.

Thanks everyone for watching and commenting.

Jeff Sayre · July 18th, 2005, 08:58 PM

I was amazed at how well you told the story, blocked the scenes, added humor and pulled on the emotion of fear. And you did this all in three minutes. It is a very impressive piece.

My one comment, and it is only an opinion, is that I too, like Daniel, thought that it would have been a stronger ending to not have the gun in his mouth. But then again, I do realize that some people prefer the obvious rather than simply a suggestion.

The roll into the closet was hilarious. Was that an improvised action by the actor or scripted?

Mitchell Stookey · July 18th, 2005, 09:34 PM

The roll was not scripted. He did it on the first take kind of by accident and it turned out terrible and we all started laughing, so I told him to do it everytime. If you knew him in real life, it's extra funny because that's just what he's like. Thanks for your kind words.

Jonathan Jones · July 18th, 2005, 10:22 PM

I was quite impressed by the way you put such a nice flow of a story into such a short time - and quite entertaining to boot. The timing was really very good, the dialogue was a hoot, and the facial expressions behind the couch were very funny. A good piece. Job well done.
-Jon

Dylan Couper · July 20th, 2005, 05:14 PM

Funny and suspenseful. What can I really say, this took #2 out of twenty. That pretty much says it all.

Oh yeah, the ending!
Cut the ending just before he puts the gun in the other guys mouth. Unrealistic to do that in an office coffee room. Better to threaten or blackmail, or do it in the bathroom out of sight.
And it would have been funnier if he wrote the other guy's name on the TV.
Thats it, looking forward to seeing your next one.

July 17th, 2005, 10:43 PM	#1
Mitchell Stookey Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 196	Monday at the Office DV Challenge #2 This was named by DVinfo's own Dylan Couper because I never posted a title with the link. I think it's better than anything I would have come up with anyway. It was shot with a DVX100a and edited in Vegas 5. Questions or comments are welcome. EDIT: I forgot to post the link : ) http://cory.xstreamhost.com/short%20...tchsecrets.mov Last edited by Mitchell Stookey; July 17th, 2005 at 11:35 PM.

July 18th, 2005, 01:16 PM	#3
Lorinda Norton Wrangler Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Southwest Idaho, USA Posts: 3,066	Nice job!!! The crooks are an absolute crack up (especially that stuff behind the couch and the dialogue in the closet). You're a very good writer. Actually, the whole thing is just quite good!!! BTW, does anyone say "poindexter" anymore? :) __________________ Lorinda Last edited by Lorinda Norton; July 18th, 2005 at 01:32 PM.

July 18th, 2005, 06:22 PM	#4
Daniel Kohl Contributor Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Frankfurt, Germany Posts: 571	Good job, it was a lot of fun to watch. Practice some of the technical things, like lighting and audio and you are good for prime time. The scene breakdowns look very professional. Good blocking, and excellent slapstick. I love the Judo roll into the closet. I would have let it end with "Poindexter" standing behind the lead looking very dangerous. The gun in the mouth is unnecessarily obvious. Really good work. Make more. __________________ Daniel Kohl Frankenstein meets XL1

July 18th, 2005, 08:58 PM	#8
Jeff Sayre Major Player Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: South Bend, IN Posts: 301	I was amazed at how well you told the story, blocked the scenes, added humor and pulled on the emotion of fear. And you did this all in three minutes. It is a very impressive piece. My one comment, and it is only an opinion, is that I too, like Daniel, thought that it would have been a stronger ending to not have the gun in his mouth. But then again, I do realize that some people prefer the obvious rather than simply a suggestion. The roll into the closet was hilarious. Was that an improvised action by the actor or scripted? __________________ www.SayreMedia.com

July 20th, 2005, 05:14 PM	#11
Dylan Couper Wrangler Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Vancouver, British Columbia Posts: 8,314	Funny and suspenseful. What can I really say, this took #2 out of twenty. That pretty much says it all. Oh yeah, the ending! Cut the ending just before he puts the gun in the other guys mouth. Unrealistic to do that in an office coffee room. Better to threaten or blackmail, or do it in the bathroom out of sight. And it would have been funnier if he wrote the other guy's name on the TV. Thats it, looking forward to seeing your next one. __________________ Need to rent camera gear in Vancouver BC? Check me out at camerarentalsvancouver.com

July 17th, 2005, 10:49 PM	#2
Michael Gibbons Major Player Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Loveland, Colorado, USA Posts: 292	I liked it very much. The gag in the closet made me laugh out loud. It had a really slick and professional look. Good job. __________________ " When some wild-eyed, eight foot tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head against a bar room wall, and looks you crooked in the eye, and he asks you if you've payed your dues, well, you just stare that big suker right back in the eye, and you remember what old Jack Burton always says at a time like that, 'Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yes sir, the check is in the mail."

July 18th, 2005, 06:39 PM	#5
Chris Thiele Regular Crew Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Launceston, Tasmania, Australia Posts: 59	My son, an 18 year old, and avid critic of short movies; said that this was his peoples choice, he loved it. I'm not happy with him, he was meant to say mine was his favorite! But I must say, reluctantly, (secretly) I really liked it too. Well executed.

July 18th, 2005, 07:22 PM	#6
Sheila Ward Regular Crew Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Arkansas Posts: 107	Good writing and very entertaining. The "roll" cracked me up. Good job!

July 18th, 2005, 08:20 PM	#7
Mitchell Stookey Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 196	Thanks for all the comments! As for some answers - Lorinda - Does anyone say poindexter anymore? No. I have never heard that word said in my entire life in context, hence why I chose to use it. Daniel - We had about 3 alternate endings and that one made us laugh so hard and since it was a little controversial (people don't get why he'd open his mouth and accept the gun, and frankly neither do I) we liked it even more. I know what you're saying and thanks for the feed back! Here's a secret about the movie as well. I am the smiling dead body in the closet : ). Although I am usually wearing glasses which the poindexter wore in the final shot. Thanks everyone for watching and commenting.

July 18th, 2005, 09:34 PM	#9
Mitchell Stookey Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 196	The roll was not scripted. He did it on the first take kind of by accident and it turned out terrible and we all started laughing, so I told him to do it everytime. If you knew him in real life, it's extra funny because that's just what he's like. Thanks for your kind words.

July 18th, 2005, 10:22 PM	#10
Jonathan Jones Trustee Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Healdsburg, California Posts: 1,138	I was quite impressed by the way you put such a nice flow of a story into such a short time - and quite entertaining to boot. The timing was really very good, the dialogue was a hoot, and the facial expressions behind the couch were very funny. A good piece. Job well done. -Jon