First Short Film at DVinfo.net

Takashi Doscher · March 5th, 2008, 12:10 PM

I just finished this short film and would really love some feedback! This is the first thing I have ever posted, so I am a little nervous. It is called "3:10 to Recess" and is about children's imagination.

http://www.vimeo.com/754479

I also would really like to thank everyone for the wealth of information and knowledge that has been posted on these forums. As a beginner, I have really really learned a lot from everyone. So thank you!

This was shot with my Canon XHA1 and edited with FCP

- Takashi

Gregory Boyd · March 5th, 2008, 02:16 PM

Super Cool! Thanks for sharing. I loved it!

Christian Nachtrieb · March 5th, 2008, 05:57 PM

that was pretty funny I liked it. How would it have looked if you didn't desaturate so much? Or did you do a bleach bypass present in camera?

Either way it still looked pretty cool. All of the OTS's looked great.

Loren Simons · March 5th, 2008, 07:32 PM

i loved it! very creative and well shot! i have to ask though, how did u export out of final cut?! i can never get my stuff to look that clear!

Takashi Doscher · March 5th, 2008, 08:09 PM

Thanks for all of the positive feedback!

All of the footage was originally shot in VividRGB settings. I altered and de-saturated the color for the western scenes and the plane sequence in order to contrast imagination versus reality.

I shot and edited everything in HD. I exported the file for Vimeo using "Quicktime Conversion," H.264 encoding, and at "1280x720 HD." Other size settings gave me strange aspect ratio problems with the Vimeo encoding. However, if the movie is going to DVD, I use Compressor's DVD settings and DVD Studio Pro. Those seem to be the best work flows that I have found for Vimeo and DVD with Final Cut Pro.

Are there things that you don't like about it?

Loren Simons · March 5th, 2008, 08:10 PM

i still dont get such great quality =) but ill have to play around, uhmm yeah the last shot wasnt really my taste, with the plane, to shakey, also the shot in the car. but might have been the style you wantedd =) either way great film

Eduardo Miguel · March 5th, 2008, 09:04 PM

I thought it was great as well. If I can offer any constructive criticism, it would
be to maybe draw some kind of correlation or hint at the beginning of the film between the school ground scenes and the western scenes. I was sitting here thinking: "ok, another short film with a pointless intro scene". Obviously that wasn't the case.
Either way, good job and I look forward to seeing more.

Steve Kachocki · March 5th, 2008, 10:22 PM

Here's a setting few of us ever think to utilize while we are tweaking R, G and B: the Grid Setting. Menu, Display Setup, Markers, Grid. This will break the image into nine rectangles also called the Rule of Thirds. These lines help the photographer compose his shot and keep the subject out of the middle of the picture. Most still photographers live by this rule. Often a composed shot looks more pleasing to the eye if the subjects are placed off center horizontally and vertically. I was looking at your horizon lines and they are all centered. Perhaps to get the feel of the big sky western look you could move the horizon down to the lower third and keep the sky in the upper two thirds.

I also agree with others, the plane shot doesn't work for me. The western theme was well done, stick to that, imo. And I am a big fan of Bleach Bypass look either in camera or post. The advantage to making changes in post is that it is easier to take away the color than to try to add color.

Takashi Doscher · March 7th, 2008, 12:37 AM

Hey steve, thanks a lot for the tips. You are right, I think moving the horizon down to the lower third line might really enhance it. I will definitely keep the grid feature in mind for future projects. Thank you!

Adrinn Chellton · March 7th, 2008, 01:13 AM

Well I liked the story and you are of course, above all other things a storyteller. I think some of the edits could have been tighter during the dueling scene and agree with the comment about the horizon. Right around the 35 second mark is a skip in the audio that's pretty pronounced(might be a vimeo thing). Other than that the sound is very good.

You did a good job matching action on scene transitions, the plane cut to the van sort of falls flat though. I think the plane shot would work great if you would have cut back right as he entered the plane.

No reason to be nervous, you did a very fine job with this film!

Takashi Doscher · March 8th, 2008, 11:57 AM

Thanks for the nice comments. Unfortunately, the sound skip is on the original file, which is very very inconvenient. I am really glad to hear that otherwise the sound was good.

I am on the fence a little bit regarding the plane sequence. As a college student with no resources, getting access to a plane and working very hard on the tracking shot outward was really difficult. With this in mind, I would hate to cut out most of the plane. However, if it would strengthen the piece, then it is obviously something I will play around with. The other issue, is I love how the music fit currently, so I wonder how the timing of the end music would change...

Steve Kachocki · March 8th, 2008, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Takashi Doscher

Thanks for the nice comments.
I am on the fence a little bit regarding the plane sequence. As a college student with no resources, getting access to a plane and working very hard on the tracking shot outward was really difficult. With this in mind, I would hate to cut out most of the plane. However, if it would strengthen the piece, then it is obviously something I will play around with. The other issue, is I love how the music fit currently, so I wonder how the timing of the end music would change...

Yes, but the plane doesn't seem to fit into the story. Your establishment shots in the beginning of the film are playground shots.

Regarding the access to an airplane comment; having been around planes for a couple years, I know that pilots are big on ego! I am sure if you head down to the local airport you could find someone who would love to let you make their plane famous. All you have to do is ask; the worst anyone could do is say no. Two things: have the main character close the door during the tracking shot, and no one would step into their plane in a hangar for take off.

I think what everyone is trying to say is that you have a really good concept. It just needs to be tweaked a bit. There are plenty of stories of directors having to cut their favorite scene in the final edit because it doesn't work.

Lonnie Bell · March 9th, 2008, 07:53 AM

noticed the Sergio influence... nice little ode to Mr. Leone!

Lonnie

Bryan Gilchrist · March 10th, 2008, 02:59 PM

Very good!

A few things I would have changed...

I would have had them pull their guns out, and on a close up of one of the guns have the mother calling out their name and switch to the two boys on the playground holding their hands up pretending like they had guns.

I would have also left the part out about the mini van in the end and would have left with him getting on the plane...leaving the imagination of the children minds open instead of showing that they are kids, since we did that already.

Additionally, the kid was smiling a little too much at the end like he had just won the lottery or had just gotten his first kiss/fallen in love or something.

Other than that, the cinematography was great. Loved the camera angles and the saturated look!

Bryan Gilchrist · March 11th, 2008, 01:01 PM

One more added thing, I would have probably had the adult actor in the last scene donning a "Indiana Jones" style hat and have him get on a horse and ride off to music that is similar to the Indiana Jones movies.

That's not TOO Hollywood, is it? ;)

March 5th, 2008, 12:10 PM	#1
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	First Short Film I just finished this short film and would really love some feedback! This is the first thing I have ever posted, so I am a little nervous. It is called "3:10 to Recess" and is about children's imagination. http://www.vimeo.com/754479 I also would really like to thank everyone for the wealth of information and knowledge that has been posted on these forums. As a beginner, I have really really learned a lot from everyone. So thank you! This was shot with my Canon XHA1 and edited with FCP - Takashi

March 5th, 2008, 02:16 PM	#2
Gregory Boyd New Boot Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Suffolk, Virginia Posts: 13	Whooooo!!! Super Cool! Thanks for sharing. I loved it!

March 5th, 2008, 07:32 PM	#4
Loren Simons Major Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 288	i loved it! very creative and well shot! i have to ask though, how did u export out of final cut?! i can never get my stuff to look that clear! __________________ Loren Simons

March 5th, 2008, 08:10 PM	#6
Loren Simons Major Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 288	i still dont get such great quality =) but ill have to play around, uhmm yeah the last shot wasnt really my taste, with the plane, to shakey, also the shot in the car. but might have been the style you wantedd =) either way great film __________________ Loren Simons

March 5th, 2008, 10:22 PM	#8
Steve Kachocki Regular Crew Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Salt Lake City, UT Posts: 49	Grid Here's a setting few of us ever think to utilize while we are tweaking R, G and B: the Grid Setting. Menu, Display Setup, Markers, Grid. This will break the image into nine rectangles also called the Rule of Thirds. These lines help the photographer compose his shot and keep the subject out of the middle of the picture. Most still photographers live by this rule. Often a composed shot looks more pleasing to the eye if the subjects are placed off center horizontally and vertically. I was looking at your horizon lines and they are all centered. Perhaps to get the feel of the big sky western look you could move the horizon down to the lower third and keep the sky in the upper two thirds. I also agree with others, the plane shot doesn't work for me. The western theme was well done, stick to that, imo. And I am a big fan of Bleach Bypass look either in camera or post. The advantage to making changes in post is that it is easier to take away the color than to try to add color.

March 5th, 2008, 05:57 PM	#3
Christian Nachtrieb Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 65	that was pretty funny I liked it. How would it have looked if you didn't desaturate so much? Or did you do a bleach bypass present in camera? Either way it still looked pretty cool. All of the OTS's looked great.

March 5th, 2008, 08:09 PM	#5
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	Thanks for all of the positive feedback! All of the footage was originally shot in VividRGB settings. I altered and de-saturated the color for the western scenes and the plane sequence in order to contrast imagination versus reality. I shot and edited everything in HD. I exported the file for Vimeo using "Quicktime Conversion," H.264 encoding, and at "1280x720 HD." Other size settings gave me strange aspect ratio problems with the Vimeo encoding. However, if the movie is going to DVD, I use Compressor's DVD settings and DVD Studio Pro. Those seem to be the best work flows that I have found for Vimeo and DVD with Final Cut Pro. Are there things that you don't like about it?

March 5th, 2008, 09:04 PM	#7
Eduardo Miguel Regular Crew Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Waukegan, Illinois Posts: 27	I thought it was great as well. If I can offer any constructive criticism, it would be to maybe draw some kind of correlation or hint at the beginning of the film between the school ground scenes and the western scenes. I was sitting here thinking: "ok, another short film with a pointless intro scene". Obviously that wasn't the case. Either way, good job and I look forward to seeing more.

March 7th, 2008, 12:37 AM	#9
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	Hey steve, thanks a lot for the tips. You are right, I think moving the horizon down to the lower third line might really enhance it. I will definitely keep the grid feature in mind for future projects. Thank you!

March 7th, 2008, 01:13 AM	#10
Adrinn Chellton Regular Crew Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Carlsbad, CA Posts: 195	Well I liked the story and you are of course, above all other things a storyteller. I think some of the edits could have been tighter during the dueling scene and agree with the comment about the horizon. Right around the 35 second mark is a skip in the audio that's pretty pronounced(might be a vimeo thing). Other than that the sound is very good. You did a good job matching action on scene transitions, the plane cut to the van sort of falls flat though. I think the plane shot would work great if you would have cut back right as he entered the plane. No reason to be nervous, you did a very fine job with this film!

March 8th, 2008, 11:57 AM	#11
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	Thanks for the nice comments. Unfortunately, the sound skip is on the original file, which is very very inconvenient. I am really glad to hear that otherwise the sound was good. I am on the fence a little bit regarding the plane sequence. As a college student with no resources, getting access to a plane and working very hard on the tracking shot outward was really difficult. With this in mind, I would hate to cut out most of the plane. However, if it would strengthen the piece, then it is obviously something I will play around with. The other issue, is I love how the music fit currently, so I wonder how the timing of the end music would change...

March 9th, 2008, 07:53 AM	#13
Lonnie Bell Major Player Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Las Vegas, NV United States Posts: 361	noticed the Sergio influence... nice little ode to Mr. Leone! Lonnie __________________ Lonnie Bell mamas boy productions Las Vegas, NV

March 10th, 2008, 02:59 PM	#14
Bryan Gilchrist Major Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 224	Very good! A few things I would have changed... I would have had them pull their guns out, and on a close up of one of the guns have the mother calling out their name and switch to the two boys on the playground holding their hands up pretending like they had guns. I would have also left the part out about the mini van in the end and would have left with him getting on the plane...leaving the imagination of the children minds open instead of showing that they are kids, since we did that already. Additionally, the kid was smiling a little too much at the end like he had just won the lottery or had just gotten his first kiss/fallen in love or something. Other than that, the cinematography was great. Loved the camera angles and the saturated look!

March 11th, 2008, 01:01 PM	#15
Bryan Gilchrist Major Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Florida Posts: 224	One more added thing, I would have probably had the adult actor in the last scene donning a "Indiana Jones" style hat and have him get on a horse and ride off to music that is similar to the Indiana Jones movies. That's not TOO Hollywood, is it? ;)