First Short Film

Takashi Doscher · March 12th, 2008, 12:06 AM

Thanks for noticing the Sergio Leone reference. Thats exactly what I was going for!

Originally, I had written the script and actually put together the entire film ending when the adult actor enters the plane. There was no van shot or smiley kid shot. However, once it all was said and done, everyone who watched it agreed that it was missing something- that we needed to go back to the kid for the finale.

Regarding the guns, we chose not to withdraw them because of the many recent shootings and violence in college campuses and schools. The last thing we wanted was for our (hopefully) lighthearted and enjoyable story of imagination to be, in any way, misinterpreted with school violence.

I didn't even think of doing an Indiana Jones reference. That may have been really neat! At the time, I just wanted a different persona for the boy to imagine. Do you think Indiana Jones would have been too similar looking to the Western, and the effect would be lost?

Haha! the kid actor does smile a little too much, doesnt he?

Thank you for the comments everyone, I am taking all of the criticism to heart and will hopefully come up with the best version possible. I can't say how helpful the people on this forum really are.

Colin Reid · March 13th, 2008, 03:21 PM

A really great idea and story. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

I liked it.

Colin

Trish Kerr · March 16th, 2008, 08:44 AM

it reminded me of those old cartoons where the kid is always fantasizing in school - different heroic adventures that take him in the deep, or into space, or the jungle etc - it would always start with him gazing at something existing in the room that transformed

I loved the creativity - the comments were good - would have been nice to mimic some of the school yard bits in the fantasy scenes to tie them in a bit more - ie if the landscape of the western had rocks and objects in similar places to the playground items when it melds back in

I understand the plane comments being a bit out of context - if you'd had three different scenarios it might have been more balanced. Or stick with the one western.

interesting angles on some of the western shots. The only shot I wanted to see slightly different was the far away horizon one where their heads were too close to the horizon, cancelling themselves out somewhat - a more exaggerated shot would have added more drama, or some dutch angles

the really low angles from the feet were unusual - made the far away person look like a tiny person from land of the giants - which in context with the idea of the film, fits

good creative piece

trish

Takashi Doscher · March 29th, 2008, 11:30 AM

I know this post is a bit old, but I need some help!

I am trying to take out the Gators Symbol on the plane in one of the final sequences but I am not sure how to do it. It is kind of difficult because the shot dolleys out. I have Final Cut Studio 2 and Motion. Is there an easy way to accomplish this?

Bill Busby · March 29th, 2008, 05:29 PM

I don't use Final Cut or Motion, but I do use Boris Red that has a tracking/mask function or whatnot & in this case I would track in reverse since the logo starts offscreen. Maybe Motion has something similar.

Shaun Roemich · April 8th, 2008, 01:30 PM

I'm amazed at the vibrance of the colour in the opening playground sequence. Is this all in camera via a preset or colour corrected in post?

Takashi Doscher · April 8th, 2008, 03:01 PM

Its all in a preset. Stephen Dempsey's VividRGB to be exact. That thread has been stickied in these forums so do a search. Thank you for the compliment!

Oh and I have successfully motioned out the logo on the plane. I havent had the chance to upload the new version yet, however.

James Hooey · April 10th, 2008, 11:58 PM

That was a pretty solid short Takashi. Pretty good all around with some good shots, good acting and good edit. I liked the story too, simple and effective.

For your critical demographic research I will offer my 2 cents of opinions.

I didn't notice the hozions issue until reading about the posts here. Good suggestion as while it may not be consciously recognized that most of the horizons are through the middle...the shots would just as subconciously seem bigger and more dramatic with some rule of thirds framing.

I did notice immediately the dirt on the actors faces even in low res...
(I'm on dialup sometimes)
Thought the few dark bits of dirt on their faces runied a pretty good shot.

Audio was good but off sounding during some lines of dialog in the field shots. I'd treat it a bit, making it blend with the wild audio more.

The plane/van shots could have been different to work a little tighter. It's a long slow dolly away from the plane that seems like a final reveal shot (but it's not) which doesn't work for me.
The actor could have closed the doors on the plane
/cut/
kid closing door on van and drives away
/cut/
back to actor getting into flightseat,donning headset,flipping switches (jet powering up sounds)
/cut/
behind the plane (with crane would be great) shot over the tail with the hanger doors opening to brightness.
/fade to credits/

The kid smiling in the minivan shot could have faded in and out during the credits (he's got a odd look going on which is kinda mezmerizing).

Very fine work and something to be proud of! Hope you do many more.

All the best,
James

Takashi Doscher · April 14th, 2008, 11:29 AM

Thank you so much for the nice comments! I agree that the plane/van sequence could have been shot tighter and I like your suggestion. As with any project (especially low-budget and student work), nothing seems to work out quite as planned and everything becomes a learning experience. I am sad to hear that the dirt on the face ruined those shots for you. I loved the detail and thought it added some grit and realism to the image of the cowboy.

Exciting news! We just found out that it won Audience Choice Award at the 10th Annual Cinerama, so thanks to everyone on this forum for all of their help!

March 29th, 2008, 11:30 AM	#19
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	Need Help! I know this post is a bit old, but I need some help! I am trying to take out the Gators Symbol on the plane in one of the final sequences but I am not sure how to do it. It is kind of difficult because the shot dolleys out. I have Final Cut Studio 2 and Motion. Is there an easy way to accomplish this?

April 8th, 2008, 01:30 PM	#21
Shaun Roemich Inner Circle Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Vancouver, British Columbia (formerly Winnipeg, Manitoba) Canada Posts: 4,088	Vibrant colour I'm amazed at the vibrance of the colour in the opening playground sequence. Is this all in camera via a preset or colour corrected in post? __________________ Shaun C. Roemich Road Dog Media - Vancouver, BC - Videographer - Webcaster www.roaddogmedia.ca Blog: http://roaddogmedia.wordpress.com/

April 10th, 2008, 11:58 PM	#23
James Hooey Major Player Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bruce Pennisula, Canada Posts: 316	That was a pretty solid short Takashi. Pretty good all around with some good shots, good acting and good edit. I liked the story too, simple and effective. For your critical demographic research I will offer my 2 cents of opinions. I didn't notice the hozions issue until reading about the posts here. Good suggestion as while it may not be consciously recognized that most of the horizons are through the middle...the shots would just as subconciously seem bigger and more dramatic with some rule of thirds framing. I did notice immediately the dirt on the actors faces even in low res... (I'm on dialup sometimes) Thought the few dark bits of dirt on their faces runied a pretty good shot. Audio was good but off sounding during some lines of dialog in the field shots. I'd treat it a bit, making it blend with the wild audio more. The plane/van shots could have been different to work a little tighter. It's a long slow dolly away from the plane that seems like a final reveal shot (but it's not) which doesn't work for me. The actor could have closed the doors on the plane /cut/ kid closing door on van and drives away /cut/ back to actor getting into flightseat,donning headset,flipping switches (jet powering up sounds) /cut/ behind the plane (with crane would be great) shot over the tail with the hanger doors opening to brightness. /fade to credits/ The kid smiling in the minivan shot could have faded in and out during the credits (he's got a odd look going on which is kinda mezmerizing). Very fine work and something to be proud of! Hope you do many more. All the best, James __________________ For Stock Footage http://www.revostock.com/ViewProfile.html?&ID=4811 My Website http://www.soundprostudios.com

March 12th, 2008, 12:06 AM	#16
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	Thanks for noticing the Sergio Leone reference. Thats exactly what I was going for! Originally, I had written the script and actually put together the entire film ending when the adult actor enters the plane. There was no van shot or smiley kid shot. However, once it all was said and done, everyone who watched it agreed that it was missing something- that we needed to go back to the kid for the finale. Regarding the guns, we chose not to withdraw them because of the many recent shootings and violence in college campuses and schools. The last thing we wanted was for our (hopefully) lighthearted and enjoyable story of imagination to be, in any way, misinterpreted with school violence. I didn't even think of doing an Indiana Jones reference. That may have been really neat! At the time, I just wanted a different persona for the boy to imagine. Do you think Indiana Jones would have been too similar looking to the Western, and the effect would be lost? Haha! the kid actor does smile a little too much, doesnt he? Thank you for the comments everyone, I am taking all of the criticism to heart and will hopefully come up with the best version possible. I can't say how helpful the people on this forum really are.

March 13th, 2008, 03:21 PM	#17
Colin Reid Regular Crew Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: London, United Kingdom Posts: 48	A really great idea and story. I look forward to seeing more of your work. I liked it. Colin

March 16th, 2008, 08:44 AM	#18
Trish Kerr Major Player Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 294	it reminded me of those old cartoons where the kid is always fantasizing in school - different heroic adventures that take him in the deep, or into space, or the jungle etc - it would always start with him gazing at something existing in the room that transformed I loved the creativity - the comments were good - would have been nice to mimic some of the school yard bits in the fantasy scenes to tie them in a bit more - ie if the landscape of the western had rocks and objects in similar places to the playground items when it melds back in I understand the plane comments being a bit out of context - if you'd had three different scenarios it might have been more balanced. Or stick with the one western. interesting angles on some of the western shots. The only shot I wanted to see slightly different was the far away horizon one where their heads were too close to the horizon, cancelling themselves out somewhat - a more exaggerated shot would have added more drama, or some dutch angles the really low angles from the feet were unusual - made the far away person look like a tiny person from land of the giants - which in context with the idea of the film, fits good creative piece trish

March 29th, 2008, 05:29 PM	#20
Bill Busby Major Player Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 959	I don't use Final Cut or Motion, but I do use Boris Red that has a tracking/mask function or whatnot & in this case I would track in reverse since the logo starts offscreen. Maybe Motion has something similar.

April 8th, 2008, 03:01 PM	#22
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	Its all in a preset. Stephen Dempsey's VividRGB to be exact. That thread has been stickied in these forums so do a search. Thank you for the compliment! Oh and I have successfully motioned out the logo on the plane. I havent had the chance to upload the new version yet, however.

April 14th, 2008, 11:29 AM	#24
Takashi Doscher Regular Crew Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Gainesville, Florida Posts: 28	Thank you so much for the nice comments! I agree that the plane/van sequence could have been shot tighter and I like your suggestion. As with any project (especially low-budget and student work), nothing seems to work out quite as planned and everything becomes a learning experience. I am sad to hear that the dirt on the face ruined those shots for you. I loved the detail and thought it added some grit and realism to the image of the cowboy. Exciting news! We just found out that it won Audience Choice Award at the 10th Annual Cinerama, so thanks to everyone on this forum for all of their help!