Critical feedback needed

Rich Perry · October 23rd, 2007, 09:05 AM

I order to improve as an amateur film maker I am looking for any feedback (good or bad! - just let it fly... I don't take offense easily) on how to improve. I shot the music video (link below) on the A1, this was my first attempt and my first real use of a decent camera. The challange I had was to direct the shooting without actually doing any of it myself as I am the singer and was never really behind the camera other than to set it up. The guy that shot it for me did not have any experience at all so we did the best possible. The performance stuff was shot in under 2 hours including setup.

http://stage6.divx.com/user/sheddmus...---Music-Video

Dylan Pank · October 23rd, 2007, 11:38 AM

Hi Rich,

You're a brave man! Here goes.

The band in the barn looked great. It had a really smart look: strong compositions, good lighting, and interesting angles and moves though I would probably have used fewer 90 degree dutch tilts! I thought it looked like a professional production. I liked very much the difference in mood and style between the verses/chorus and the slower middle eight.

I wasn't so keen on the narrative: The angles and overall look weren't as good, the story was shot in a very static way, too many bland long shots, which made it seem amateurish, but not enough that it seemed like a deliberate style (if you were doing an America's Funniest Home Videos spoof for example.)

The editing seemed erratic, shots didn't flow to each other. (e.g. an odd zoom cut in the opening sequence into the pager) and especially in the second verse, when you were cutting between the band and the story it seemed a bit random, as if you couldn't make up your mind which sequence you wanted to stick with, and some shots were cut in that looked like they'd been cut to by accident and then cut out of, as if edited live (for example some of the cuts at the end of the second verse).

I also thought you brought in a lot of the narrative stuff to late, you didn't meet the boss till the second verse, the accident storyline didn't develop until the middle eight, and the transvestite twist got crammed in at the end. I think you need to focus on one story line rather than three (seeing as half the movie is band shots you have about two minutes to tell the story). I'd dump the public service announcement voice over and do it with titles, it just seemed... wrong to do it over the chorus. If you must do it, it should be over a instrumental break or something (which I don't think the song has)

Finally, it's just a personal thing, but I see a LOT of amateur/student movies that start with the main character waking up, checking their mobile and then opening their bills in the kitchen. Although it did fit with the "a day in the life" morning to evening structure", that's also why it felt a bit weird that at the end you cut to a short sequence the next day with the transvestite.

Rich Perry · October 23rd, 2007, 01:48 PM

Dylan,

Perfect feedback! - This is what I was looking for, an honest independent look at the production. Most of the points you brought up I can agree with and at the time I had some major problems jamming the story line into the song and it all seems to rush at the end. The public service announcement was a gamble, I had no idea if that would work or not and I have mixed reactions about that. I was not really that happy with the storyline shots and as you say they are a bit static looking, also from a color point of view probably a bit too desaturated. Great points on the actually story line itself, I think it needed to be stronger. A lot of the band shots were edited via CS3 multi-cam tool so hence yes there is a bit of a live look.

I got to the point where I kind of gave up and just put the project out as I was a bit sick at looking at it to be honest! I will move on to something else as I am a bit bored with this video now :) but will take these points in to consideration for the next shoot! - Thanks for taking the time to look and not to be afraid to offer up some advice!

October 23rd, 2007, 09:05 AM	#1
Rich Perry Major Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Nashua NH Posts: 278	Critical feedback needed - check out the music video. I order to improve as an amateur film maker I am looking for any feedback (good or bad! - just let it fly... I don't take offense easily) on how to improve. I shot the music video (link below) on the A1, this was my first attempt and my first real use of a decent camera. The challange I had was to direct the shooting without actually doing any of it myself as I am the singer and was never really behind the camera other than to set it up. The guy that shot it for me did not have any experience at all so we did the best possible. The performance stuff was shot in under 2 hours including setup. http://stage6.divx.com/user/sheddmus...---Music-Video

October 23rd, 2007, 11:38 AM	#2
Dylan Pank Major Player Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Portsmouth, UK Posts: 611	Hi Rich, You're a brave man! Here goes. The band in the barn looked great. It had a really smart look: strong compositions, good lighting, and interesting angles and moves though I would probably have used fewer 90 degree dutch tilts! I thought it looked like a professional production. I liked very much the difference in mood and style between the verses/chorus and the slower middle eight. I wasn't so keen on the narrative: The angles and overall look weren't as good, the story was shot in a very static way, too many bland long shots, which made it seem amateurish, but not enough that it seemed like a deliberate style (if you were doing an America's Funniest Home Videos spoof for example.) The editing seemed erratic, shots didn't flow to each other. (e.g. an odd zoom cut in the opening sequence into the pager) and especially in the second verse, when you were cutting between the band and the story it seemed a bit random, as if you couldn't make up your mind which sequence you wanted to stick with, and some shots were cut in that looked like they'd been cut to by accident and then cut out of, as if edited live (for example some of the cuts at the end of the second verse). I also thought you brought in a lot of the narrative stuff to late, you didn't meet the boss till the second verse, the accident storyline didn't develop until the middle eight, and the transvestite twist got crammed in at the end. I think you need to focus on one story line rather than three (seeing as half the movie is band shots you have about two minutes to tell the story). I'd dump the public service announcement voice over and do it with titles, it just seemed... wrong to do it over the chorus. If you must do it, it should be over a instrumental break or something (which I don't think the song has) Finally, it's just a personal thing, but I see a LOT of amateur/student movies that start with the main character waking up, checking their mobile and then opening their bills in the kitchen. Although it did fit with the "a day in the life" morning to evening structure", that's also why it felt a bit weird that at the end you cut to a short sequence the next day with the transvestite. Last edited by Dylan Pank; October 23rd, 2007 at 04:49 PM.

October 23rd, 2007, 01:48 PM	#3
Rich Perry Major Player Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Nashua NH Posts: 278	Dylan, Perfect feedback! - This is what I was looking for, an honest independent look at the production. Most of the points you brought up I can agree with and at the time I had some major problems jamming the story line into the song and it all seems to rush at the end. The public service announcement was a gamble, I had no idea if that would work or not and I have mixed reactions about that. I was not really that happy with the storyline shots and as you say they are a bit static looking, also from a color point of view probably a bit too desaturated. Great points on the actually story line itself, I think it needed to be stronger. A lot of the band shots were edited via CS3 multi-cam tool so hence yes there is a bit of a live look. I got to the point where I kind of gave up and just put the project out as I was a bit sick at looking at it to be honest! I will move on to something else as I am a bit bored with this video now :) but will take these points in to consideration for the next shoot! - Thanks for taking the time to look and not to be afraid to offer up some advice!