Hey everyone,

A while back i tried to shoot one of my earlier scripts so i could submit the film to some festivals. Although the film didn't turn out at all like i had imagined it (from lack of experience both on my end and the actors' end), it was still a valuable experience and a great time. I hope you guys enjoy it a little, but C&C is definitely very welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0Sdh-fnkZw

Thanks for watching!

Raji

nothing at all? is it THAT bad?

Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl is a proven time tested formula. However throwing incest into the mix doesn't work for me. Frankly it gives me the creeps so I'm particularly thrilled I spent ten minutes watching it. But that's just me.

The two leads weren't bad, esp the girl. I think the dialog wasn't right though. It didn't sound like the way people talk. The scenes seemed to work until they opened their mouths.

I think the cursing was gratuitous. Totally unecessary.

I'm sorry Raji. It's fine technically. You obviously have the skills but I couldn't get interested in the story and bailed after a couple of minutes. But that's just me.

thanks guys, i appreciate the constructive comments!

Brian, yeah i wanted to take a simple idea and complicate it with incest. My intent with the film was to try and make the audience secretly want the 2 to be together. I don't think i managed to get the audience to really want them to be together before dropping the bomb. A friend of mine did tell me that the dialogue was a little clunky too. I didn't think the swearing was gratuitous but i'll keep that in mind for future projects with strong language. I hate anything gratuitous in any film too, so i'm glad you mentioned that.

Michael, i'm glad you felt the film was fine technically. That's encouraging! And maybe it's the fact that i've seen the film a million times, but it does feel like it moves a little slowly.

Thanks again for the comment guys. Anything, positive or negative, is always appreciated. I want to improve and i know i have a long way to go before i can say i'm getting good.

I didn't think the swearing was gratuitous but i'll keep that in mind for future projects with strong language. I hate anything gratuitous in any film too, so i'm glad you mentioned that.



Cursing is a pet peeve of mine. Tarentino seems to make it work somehow but in most other cases I never feel it adds much to a story. And many people are put off by it. So it's just a personal thing, cursing just usually seems unmotivated in most films.

Not to say it doesn't have it's place, for example a fish out of water story, let's say a wiseguy is in a witness protection program and goes to work as butler in a stuffy uppper class home--his tongue slips might be amusing and hilite his predicament.

I think technically it was fine, but there were some things in it, that were off. I only noticed them because I've done them a lot in my own films, and I try to watch out for them. The opening scene broke the 180 rule, but not in a good way. The cuts were too distracting, because the two guys kept flipping back and forth across the screen (and their audio levels go in and out -- which may be a youtube compression issue). You tend to like the over-the-shoulder, two shot a lot -- most of your dialogue scenes are shot this way, sometimes with the shoulder taking up most of the screen. You need some variation there, and perhaps some B-roll and more close-up reaction shots. There's a lot of blank wall space in your shot composition (for instance, scene with the dude looking through the phone book). Blank wall space can be used well, but it looks like production design wasn't really a concern -- as a result it looked less filmic and more I-shot-this-in-my-house. There's no variation in look between the girl's house and the dude's house -- it looks to me like it was just different rooms of the same house.

I'm not too concerned about the incest angle, because some great films deal with similar topics, such as Lone Star. I didn't get a sense at all, however, that they actually, well, liked each other. The scene on a date seemed a little forced, a bit of a montage cliche. Despite your goal of having the audience want them to be together, the guy did come across as creepy by ignoring the whole sister thing -- there's no real inner conflict there. I wonder about the casting -- the brother looks older, even if he's not.

Not trying to be harsh -- just my observations.

Robert, thanks for the critiques, i appreciate them very much. I too had a lot of issues with the film but needed to know if it was just because i had seen it for too long. Funny that you mention too many over-the-shoulder shots, i've learned to fix that since that shoot, along with many other issues (many of which are mentioned in the thread, some of which you mentioned)! You're also the first one to notice the I-shot-this-in-my-house thing! Also, the audio for that film was a disaster... i just used the on-camera mic... so the issue you talked about is probably not a YouTube compression issue

Anyway, you weren't harsh in the least, thank you very much for your comments and critiques.

I think the only thing I can really criticize is the scene where they first meet at her doorstep. I absolutely can not imagine a woman going from accusing a guy of stalking her to enthusiastically agreeing to a date in a single conversation. When she opened the door, she had an obvious negative emotion about this guy that could only be explained by a previous bad encounter.

Technical aspects that could improve would be the excessive blank space and some audio flaws. The audio had a bit too much "room" reflection or coloration probably due to the mic being too far away. These are things that happen on early productions. Fortunately, framing is easy to fix and you can deal with your audio with ADR (dubbing) or inventing ways to get the mic closer to the talent.

Keep going. You just need tweaks at this point to get things flowing smoothly. The good news is that all your issues are typical of lack of budget and experience. Experience fixes many things. A big plus is that you don't have any problems that are greater than the others. In other word, you are learning composition, audio, writing, and editing together at the same rate and understand the importance of all the moviemaking skills.