This is my first DVC event, it is also the first production I put together myself and the fist one I have edited as well.

I hope you will enjoy it as much as we did making it.
One thing is for sure DVC is better than film school as we learned quite a lot this time around.

Bill

This has it all. Good solid story line, easy to follow, great cinematography, well planned shots. Characters are great, and story is sweet !! Really nice !

"Sweet", that's a word I never thought I'd want to use in this capacity. And yet, here I am. Chris is right, it's a great story, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Another first production that blows me away, I just can't believe you're so good at this. You're making me look bad, you know.

I see you had to do some ADR, allow me to offer my condolences. To go through all that work to fix entire conversations, well, it's no easy task, as I'm sure several of us are finally beginning to truly appreciate. You did pretty well, considering the circumstances. The volume level, however, on most of the shots in the film, seems too low. I really had to crank it up to hear the conversation at what I'm assuming is a funeral, and lots of noise came along with the level increase. I have the same problem in my short, though (dialogue that's either too soft or too loud), so I'm in no position to complain.

An exquisite piece of work, Bill!

Hi Bill!

Your first film?!? Sheesh! As I have said on so many other first films in this challenge- I wish my first film was a good as yours. Very well done.

I like the portrayal of a man who has good character. While being tempted by his surroundings and situation, he "reflected" and went and made the right decision. The end result was as sweet as it could be. Nice.

I had a little trouble with hearing the dialog where the blue box was being handed down to him. Not major issues-just found I needed to crank up the volume a bit.

Your camera work was excellent and you did a great job of covering many angles. Way to go!

Best Wishes~
Bradley

Amazing cinematography! Story was a tad hard to hear, as the music was a little too loud over top of it.

Very nice. What a sweet looking couple. You got me thinking he was going to do one thing with the ring and then you fooled me!

And I love the guy's voice on the phone. "he's into US!" DUDE! SWEET!

Good work. What city are you in?

I really dug the huge murals -- awesome shots with those. I really liked your idea. I feel like I've been saying that a lot but it's really cool to see everyone's creativity coming out in a lot of different ways that I never would have been able to come up with myself.

The only real criticisms I had were 1) I've seen a lot of tooth-brushing scenes and that's starting to get to me a little (though you couldn't have known that it'd be that way), and 2) I felt like you didn't quite portray the depth and gravity of where this could have gone. It didn't feel deep or sad or joyful in a resounding way -- but I really wanted it to because all the elements were in place. (does that make sense?) Maybe it was the acting, or maybe that it had to all fit into 5 minutes, but I really dug the story and thought you did a great job.

Thank you for all the kind comments.

You have found my Achilles heel sound… it is something that I know I need to work on I did learn much while filming and continue to learn by your comments. I was afraid it was going to be too loud so I did not tweak up the volume now I know I should have.
Keep those comments coming!!!! :-) I’ll keep working on it.

I wish to clarify one thing this is the first production where I have actually produced the film as well as shot it, not the first film I have worked on. I have done as a DP or lighting tech three other short films. This was a learning experience in itself, in the past I just showed up and did my work. For this one I had to coordinate people places and times and while I did get lots of help and the people that worked on the production were a dream to work with, made it easier. Got the whole production crew to show up at 5am to shoot the golden hour and not one complaint!!

Dick, take a glance to the left, to find out where I am. :-)
I’ll let Jake know you liked him, he said it was the first time he ever phoned in a performance. (I recorded it off my answering machine)

Philip, thank you for the comments I think you said it best “it had to fit in 5 minutes” the ruff cut was 6:30, we are going to reedit without a time limit and possibly re-shoot some footage. So, yeah it makes sense. :-)

Thank you again,
Bill

Bill, I loved all your camera angles in the young guy's room--that drew me into the story. Lighting looked perfect, too. You're quite gifted with interior shooting, aren't you.

I liked the guy and was hoping for something good to happen. It did! Thanks!! :)

P.S. to Philip: I laughed out loud at your toothbrush comment!

I really want to see the extended version -- post it here when you get it done and I'll watch it. I really did think it was good (and I'll forgive you the toothbrush...)

That is outstanding work. I also was fooled about the ring, I thought he was going to hock it. Great story, great cinematography, only sour note: a little too much reverb in the audio in places. Excellent film.

great camera angles. nice story and nice pace after the bedroom (i thouht it was a tad too long). Very professional feel. the only thing was the audio that you commented on. Audio is tough while shooting at the same time. you may have noticed I don't have much dialog in mine. hahahah. but I really liked the feel and the vibe and the camera work really made me envious.

Really pleasant story (especially well suited for this format). The shooting was nice and the location choices were nice too. I like colorful locations and sometimes get tired of seeing so many white walls in short films (though I understand that not everybody has access to colorful locations), so good job finding so many green/blue places for your story. The acting was nice in a simple way which fit the piece well.

Like others said, the sound was a bit spotty outdoors and the mix between the dialogue and music was a little troublesome in spots. On the plus side there, I really liked the soundtrack/ choice of music! I thought that it really fit the piece.

I have a few questions about the plot/cutting. When he finds the box in his room, he then leaves (to finish brushing his teeth?) and then returns to the box, I wasn't quite sure why. This leaving and entering seemed unnecessary, or did it have some meaning that I missed?

And when he first walks outside, he goes across the street to another building. It fades to black as he appears to enter the building, then fades back in as he appears to be leaving it. What is this building representing? Is he supposed to be doing something important there?

Sorry, I'm a bit dense today. :)

Thanks! Nice!
Bill

I have been responding to everyones threads after my initial viewing so the initial impact is what I am basing my comments on, for everyones pieces.

I liked it. It was perhaps a bit slow paced but it wasn't that distracting for me. It might become a bit tedious if I were watching it 10 or 11 times but the first time through, it was OK. I am a sucker for good scores, if you have read anything I have said anywhere about how I do my little bits, you know how much I value a great soundtrack.

One day I will hook up with a talented musician that can write for my story. For now, my stories chase the moods I find in the music I discover. You did very well with the little pawn shop trick. I would have gotten a bit closer on the wrist with the missing watch to help drive it home. I was left thinking initially that the watch was a rememberance of someone (father?) but maybe it wasn't working. Now I realize he pawned the watch but kept the ring. good mis-direction but I am not sure how many folks caught it first time through.

The imagery was very nice. You shoot very well. Good job.

Sean McHenry

Hi Bill:

Very professional looking. Your two key actors did a great job. Your use of color and pacing were good. You could easily pull off a longer movie. Great job.

Thank you all for your comments, they are very helpful.

Phillip, I will post the re-edit when it is done.

William, (my middle name which is where “Bill” comes from) the tooth brush scene does not have a hidden meaning he was going to originally going start to brush his teeth outside the bathroom, this changed during the shoot to what you see, he is trying to get out so he can be at the shop before 5:00 when it closes, so he doing two things at once to save time.

When he gets to the shop does he go in to sell the ring? So he can go to LA with Jake?
Or does he do something else? You are meant to wonder what he is doing.
We took some risks when we chose not to spell everything out, you are meant to “reflect” on what he is doing and come to your own conclusion. Oh, I do not think you are dense at all thank you for your questions.

Several have mentioned the score my friend Darin is very talented, when I had the edit ready he came and sat next to the computer and watched the film and wrote the music as it was shown on the monitor. I recorded each take as the film played, we did several takes and when he was happy that’s the take I used. He told me I should find someone more talented, I think I did just fine.

One more time, thank you for your comments they will all help make my next film be a better one.

Bill