I'm putting a few short profiles together on some graduating seniors reflecting on their time at our university. Any constructive criticism on what I have so far would be great. Shot with a GH4, 12-35mm, metabones XL adapter, Canon 70-200 2.8 IS II and Sigma 50mm 1.4.

Molly Graduation - YouTube

Good job. Nice shots. One thing that wore on me as time went on is it starts to become just more & more shots of her. I feel more cutaway shots toward the end are needed, maybe of the campus' main building, sporting events, football or basketball stadium, a digital lab etc. Attractive girl, lol, so I'm not saying that. It's just that it appears to me "Here I am here. And here I am sitting here. And now I'm posing looking away here. And a close up here."

Makes sense. So just maybe some generic shots of campus thrown in here and there? Any specific place where you think they could fit in well?

Hi Brock

I think David's comments are on the mark. I think you need to intersperse the shots you have with occasional shots where your student is actually saying the words of the voiceover. It would tie in the dialogue to the images and help the audience feel a connection with her.

I think you might also do with one shot of her in a non-empty student teaching environment like the lecture hall. This would connect the viewer with the experiences she has had and about which she is talking.

Cheers

Tim

That's a good idea. I may not be able to do the in class shot with her as I've already went on two shoots with her and I hate to make her do another, but I definitely will add in some campus shots so it isn't all her.

I am doing another video in the same style next week so I will get the in class shot with him. I think that will be good. Good advice.

One thing that wore on me as time went on is it starts to become just more & more shots of her...It's just that it appears to me "Here I am here. And here I am sitting here. And now I'm posing looking away here. And a close up here."

Exactly this, and the problem is that it makes the piece feel more down than it ought to. It should be wistful, but then also promising because she is moving on into the world and her adult life. This was all just sense of loss and regret.

Exactly this, and the problem is that it makes the piece feel more down than it ought to. It should be wistful, but then also promising because she is moving on into the world and her adult life. This was all just sense of loss and regret.

Well that's probably my fault. I wanted it to have a nostalgic/reflective feel to it where it looks like the students just love this place so much that they really just don't want to leave. Perhaps it didn't work as I intended.

Here is a updated version of this video. I threw in a few different shots of campus. Does it help the flow at all?

2016 UC Graduates - Molly Ballard - YouTube