This is a desperate plea. Desperate.

After updating SV11 Pro, and receiving the latest 'patches-band-aids' from Win7, SV11 refuses to open at all.

Nada, nothing. I've uninstalled, reinstalled, used washes, scrubbers, reg cleaners and Revo.

I've used older installers (up to 371, current option being 595) stil nothing. I'm clean, a new-ish competent deice and legit.

HELP ME, Obi-wan, you're my only hope.

So you have a clean new Windows 7 install, yeah?
You have installed 64bit Vegas, failed, and then 32bit? Or both together, and both failed?
Did the Vegas install complete with no errors?
How did you license it?
Have you changed any hardware?
You may get more help if you spend 10 mins and write out EXACTLY where u are at.
There are just too many possible ways to have problems to just be guessing.

Craig I've had this happen to me, in my case it was a license issue for some or other reason my legal license didn't register correctly. Try Un-installing then deleting any files that wasn't removed and re-install and register from another computer.

These super weird issues like this seem to often be connected to licensing issues, so I think Nicholas might be on the right track.