I'm working on a project to be delivered on Bluray 3d. As most will be watching the final product on an active TV, should I grade the picture to look as I wish with the default standard settings on an active TV? ie adjust for the contrast and saturation being too high, which is what I've found with most default settings.

color grading must be device indipendent.
3D color grading need only a bit more attention than 2d grading, be cause you must do an additional step.

1) eyes conforming
first step is conforming of both eyes, neutral conforming, to have a neutral situation
usually mirror shooting cause a bit of color alteration to green on one eye, and to magenta on opposite eye.
than is you not check very well the mirror inclination, and polarization of camera, you can find two different gamma, and reflection high lights are different on two eyes

2) color grading and correction for 3D
you can grading and color correction without exaggeration, be cause all excess cause loss on 3D dectail and you reduce the 3D experience.

3) export to blueray3D with correct option to avoid loss of gamma.

you must not use tv active like reference, but you must use a broadcast monitor, or a calibrated monitor to have a neutral situation, tv is not a good reference.

usually active or passive tv have some limits to reproduce color, contrast, luminosity, gamma, and different brand have different setup, also if you setup zero correction.