I just bought a used photoflex starlite which seems like it's never been touched before. Works fantastic, however, it's extremely hard to set up. the rods on the website look like a thin black-plastic covered metal, but the rods that came with mine seem to be thicker, exposed metal. Is it possible that this is an older version of the softbox that have old rods (ie the newer ones are easier to bend)? If this is the case, then I think I can just buy some new rods.

My rods are exposed metal and yes it does take a fair bit of wrist strength. You'll get the knack of it soon enough.

Taking the box down is the easy part. Just open the velcro tabs at the outside corner of the rod pocket.

I have an off brand softbox with metal rods, 24 inches square. The quickest and easiest way I have found to set it up is to put the speed ring flat on the floor (the softbox but not the rods is already attached to the ring). I put my foot onto the speed ring and pull the softbox up as the rods are inserted one at a time. Cuts way down on the wrist strength needed as you are doing most of the work with your arms. Also the rods have bent slightly with use and this has made things easier over time.