Well, 95% complete ;) . It was a little rushed because I had to send it off the next day for film school applications. To clear up something that people noted last time I posted the middle section: the Jeep's headlights are NOT on, it's the reflection of the VAN's headlights in them.

Short runs about 8 minutes and is in WMV 9 with an ugly compression at that.... Sorry, I don't have the space on my web space for a QT version because I lack the appropriate compressors to get it down to a reasonable size.

Budget wise: obviously Zero: I'm a broke college kid who's crossing his fingers for film grad school.

Shot on a Panasonic DV852 (single chip) with a glidecam in some scenes and on board sound (gotta love on board sound).

As always: thanks for checking my short out and any / all feedback good/bad is much appreciated! And look for my other NEW short shot on 16mm silent BW in another post ;)

http://www4.ncsu.edu/~berobert/otf small.wmv

Hi Bryan,

Will you post it when it is complete? I want to see what happens next.

It is complete - I meant cut the last scene as in edit it...... It's complete minus maybe some minor tweaks after feedback....

Hi Bryan,

When I watch the video, it stops right after the guy hears a noise behind the storage door. It seems there is supposed to be more, but I downloaded the video just to be sure something didn't happen when I was streaming it on the internet. It stopped at the same place. I am interested to know how the rest of the events unfold. I assume the video isn't complete at that point. Can you check to make sure the file you linked to is complete?

Same thing here, video kicks out after about 6 min.

it freezes for me right after the first scene...

Outside of the "what happens after the noise behind the door" question raised by others here:

Nice job Bryan! You set up the conflict well and the story has a good flow.

As far as minor tweaks, one thing jumped out at me which is an easy fix: when the main character is walking over to investigate the squealing tires sound, you have two Glidecam shots consecutively (one from behind that cuts just after he rounds the corner, and one from the front). The second shot cuts in just as the camera starts moving. My recommendation is to play around with these edits so that the camera remains in motion in both shots--it feels jerky at the moment.

I love the transition from day to night in the title sequence using the large tree as a wipe point. Very clever.

So--what IS going on behind that door!?!

Problem fixed - 16 megs was all I had left, now the entire file is on there.... sorry for the unintentional cliff hanger :)

Hey Brian! Congrats on a wonderful piece. The editing was really good - especially the transitions. Just to recall a few, I really liked the slo-mo shot of the cheater's hands. Oh and the dream sequence with that harpsicord(?) music was mesmerizing. Nicely done typography really goes a long way in making your film look that much more professional.

Although, your actors did an overall good job, in the end I was left a bit unconvinced, or un-persuaded about their dilemma. I wanted see more anguish or despair to really validate the tragic ending. The soundwork was nicely done. Isn't that Sigur Ros playing in the intro? I was looking for their name in the credits but I didn't find it. Am I mistaken??

As far as lighting goes I was satisfied to see that the night shots were so easy to watch. You did a great job of keeping all the imagery coherent and balanced. It would be nice to see indoor night shots more designed away from that orangy cast we normally get from indoor lamps. Maybe some color gels would add some uniqueness to those shots.

Well anyhow, I think you have a strong piece in your portfolio. Good concept and good execution in my opinion! I hope to see more offerings from you in the future. Good Luck... :]

Randy - thanks for your feedback. First off, I was hoping no one would notice about the Sigur Ros song that I forgot to put in the credits, I hope the film schools don't notice! I thought my actors did a great job considering they're all friends and I didn't know what to give for motivation half the time other than "you're upset, or you're not happy" but I understand what you're saying regarding the believeability etc... As for the lighting, I thought I did a good deal of color correction in post however on my DVD transfer as well as this encoding, the orange really seemed blaringly strong in some shots..... Anyways

Keep the feedback coming!

Brian, that was a really strong piece! You look like you really have a firm grasp of all the essential technical elements. I will have to second the compliments on your editing, the pace and transitions between compositions was really top notch in my opinion. I've seen quite a few videos that people have posted online before, and I've got to say, yours is really the most well rounded in my opinion. Withj that said, I find that the best way to help someone improve is to offer suggestions, not to say I know everything, but I can offer my humble opinions and see what you think.

I think the sound is probably the weakest part of the video. It is by no means bad, I just don't think it does justice to the rest of the video. The overall design was really pleasing to me as far as the mixture between music and dialogue, but the recordings themselves were a bit bothersome. The dialogue sounded to me as if it was done with the one camera mic at points, but I could be wrong. It just sounds a bit distant at times, and I think you got a bit more echo in some locations than would be optimal. BTW, what sound equipment did you use? Second, the music you chose was very fitting, but you have to take the fact that you are using stuff that may have appeared in other movies (and therefore the viewer already has a personal understanding of the music). For example, as Randy noted the "harpsicord" song, I know that song, which is a great song, but it kind of threw me off because I already have my own personal connections to it. Of course, this is a really small grip as us small time videomakers can't afford to pay for a soundtrack, but I'm just suggesting that you might want to stick with unknown tracks as much as possible.

So, I hope you don't think I'm just trying to find something to complain about, I really think the fact that you piece is so well done, and so professional looking, that the sound stood out to me. Sort of like, how its easy to spot a small mistake in a quality high budget film because the rest of the production is so precise Keep up the good work, I know I'd love to see more!

Robbie

Robbie - thanks for the feedback. Well, the sound quality of the voices "sucked ass" to me however all I have is the onboard mic so it was tough enough to keep the dialogue the same volume within scenes because changing angles etc. obviously alters the sound quality and type of sound. My sound equipment is literally just the mic on the camera. As for the music: you're very right about the harpsichord song or also known as "Golden Brown". It's well known from Snatch which I personally love, so yes, there are some connections but I just heard that song everytime I pictured the scene in my head..... oh well. Thanks for the compliments as well....

keep your comments coming!

Well, it's a shame because sound is so often overlooked in this arena of low-to-no budget filmmaking, and yet it is so important. Bryan, I'm sure you won't make another film without using a boom mike or wireless mikes, and let's put that message out there to anyone reading this who is considering making a film and "just" using the onboard mike: folks, it's a mistake you'll always regret. Doesn't matter how great the movie is: if you can't hear the dialogue, you'll frustrate your audience.

Bryan, well, I'm glad you were aware of the sound pickup. I didn't want to come off as being mean before, but I thought the live sound was really awful, but now that I know you only used an onboard mic, its clear that the lack of equipment is to blame. I'm in the same poor college student boat as you, so I know it is much easier said that done, but you need to invest in better sound equipment as soon as you can afford it.

Its odd, because in many cases, people tend to favor videos that have decent images and great sound to videos with great images and poor sound (at least that is what I have seen). In your case, its obvious you know what you're doing, but don't overlook the importance of sound. But honestly, you did a pretty good job with the levels seeing as though it was the onboard mice, but a nice shotgun will make all the difference.

And of course, I would like to add an accent to Charles' point, sound is just as important as the image!! Don't sell it short! Thats all folks....

Actually, I think it has been said many times, many ways, but sound is the most important part of the game! Being a musician, this should be easy for me to comprehend. However, my eyes tend to mute my ears sometimes. But, when I watch anything, my ears tell my eyes what to look for. And, I have come to realize that sound is everything and I should have every shot in my ear before my eye. Bryan, good luck, and here's to you coming into the money to match your sound with your video!!!!

Clay

Hi Bryan,

Congratulations with your finished movie. I've seen most of the 2nd part of it before and now the complete movie. You abandoned the night shots in the jeep with the mobile phone, right?
The tension in the storage shots is very nice, it builds up in the right pacing.
You've got a good chance that this movie will help you to get into filmschool. It shows several examples of your talents (photography, tension build up, using music, editing, story-telling, etc.).

If I have to give you any feedback, then it would be my advice to make your pace in the beginning a bit faster, extend the soundtrack/sfx and make it a bit more mysterious (lesser conversation, appealing more to the suggestion of the viewer).

Peter Sieben

Nice work.

But I didn't get it. What did I miss?

Technically the only thing that felt weird to me was that the opening credits came on about 3min into an 8min piece. Just seemed odd to me.

Thanks for the feedback! Yes, I concur with everyone's comments on the sound quality or the severe lack of it. The music and sfx quality should be acceptable as they weren't captured on my camera but were other files. I do desperately need to invest in a good shotgun mic but here was my dilema: if I am accepted into a film school, they will provide superior professional quality sound equipment and I will seldom if ever need to setup the shotgun. I was trying to focus on the essentials for a portfolio. I think the admissions people reviewing my shorts will understand the limit on funds and concentrate on how I used what I had though better sound would definitely help out in all aspects.

Peter - I agree with you on the beginning of the movie needing more pace. The history and progression of this movie went like this: my friend and I had a concept for a short and we were dying to shoot a scene from it. So we jumped to shoot the actual night time storage space scene without really planning out any other part of the movie. So then fast forward 5 months later and I'm trying to build up my portfolio for film schools. I tried to create some other scenes quickly that could allow what we had shot prior to stand on its own. So, really the short wasn't planned out well at all and was just to fill requirements on story so we could post it or send it off to schools without attaching a document explaining the background and what WAS going to be.

Bryan - I wish I could understand what you mean better - which part didn't you understand? Was there a clarification problem or did you have a problem with acting or another issue? I would really like to understand what you mean.

Anyways, thanks everyone for feedback and keep it coming. I love hearing everyone's opinions and concerns....

Originally posted by Bryan Roberts:
Bryan - I wish I could understand what you mean better - which part didn't you understand? Was there a clarification problem or did you have a problem with acting or another issue? I would really like to understand what you mean.

I know it's just me being dense, but I didn't get what the 'punchline' of the story was.

I understand the guy we see putting the mask on was the dude that told the main guy about the cheating and I guess he was surprised that he shot him in the storage place.

But what were the masked guys supposed to be doing? How did it relate to the main guy?

Yeah...I thought maybe they were killing the guy that cheated as a favor for the guy that they wound up shooting in the end. But it was not real clear on that. The filming was excellent though as well as the pacing, music and all the other work that went into the film. Great Job!

I thought the same thing, but it wasn't totally clear. I agree the rest of it flowed very well. It had my interest, but like Bryan, it lost me. I had to watch it over and over and then it finally dawned on me.

hmmmmm, well lack of clarity in the story is not good. Here are a few facts that forced a few things out of the short and let me know if this would have helped you guys out:

1st: there was a really bad sounding line when the masked men goes to the storage space door and hits it with his gun: He says: "shut the F up-" and then Adam's phone rings giving him away. Originally the line was "shut the F up and die" and then the phone rang however, the "and die" part sounded extremely akward so it was cut.

2nd: we shot a few quick cuts of the two masked men going inside the house at the end to capture the cheating character however, I, like a moron, accidentally filmed over these parts while getting driving shots on the way home from the shoot (I had rewound the tape to show the actors what the shots looked like). I would have reshot but the portfolio was due the next day so I had to cut that night and deal with what I had which was suggestion.

Would one of these two things helped clarify? Could I simple include the "and die" to help clarify what has happened? Thanks!

So they were killing him because he cheated at cards?

Seems like there was a bit of a larger issue somewhere (the main guy said something about getting the money back on the phone).

I was thinking about the storage scene. The two guys with the masks lock somebody up and shoot the person (you hear a gun). But when the main character goes inside, he hears somebody moaning behind a door. Does that mean that the first victim was wounded and was screaming/moaning for help? Does that make sense? Or did they just want to scare the guy and lock him up?
And if they are ruthless, then you'd expect that they kill the first victim and not letting him live for a couple of minutes/hours? And if they are not so mean, why killing the main character?

sure it could be that I missed something. Bryan, any thoughts from your side?

Peter

Bryan M. or me Bryan R. ?

Whoever feels to respond ;-)

<<<-- Originally posted by Bryan Roberts : hmmmmm, well lack of clarity in the story is not good. Here are a few facts that forced a few things out of the short and let me know if this would have helped you guys out:

1st: there was a really bad sounding line when the masked men goes to the storage space door and hits it with his gun: He says: "shut the fuck up-" and then Adam's phone rings giving him away. Originally the line was "shut the fuck up and die" and then the phone rang however, the "and die" part sounded extremely akward so it was cut.

2nd: we shot a few quick cuts of the two masked men going inside the house at the end to capture the cheating character however, I, like a moron, accidentally filmed over these parts while getting driving shots on the way home from the shoot (I had rewound the tape to show the actors what the shots looked like). I would have reshot but the portfolio was due the next day so I had to cut that night and deal with what I had which was suggestion.

Would one of these two things helped clarify? Could I simple include the "and die" to help clarify what has happened? Thanks! -->>>



Bryan,

I understood the first point without a problem, but the second would have probably benefitted from the shots you said you accidentally filmed over...D'oh.
Anyway, I rewatched it and realized that it might have to do with the timing or something. I think it is when the camera leaves the storage and you fade to black and then flashback to the prior 2 hrs clip. Maybe if you cut the black out and just fade into the clip from the white. Or, if you cut right to the flashback, and then cut back to the guys over the body again. I'm not sure if that would make a difference or not, but it was just something I was thinking about.