My film is called "The Pilgrimage"

It is a narrative story developed from an idea that I have long wanted to tell. In the attachments I have included the synopsis of the story also called the “logline”.

The only work I have gotten done so far is the first act of the screenplay…but I write about 1 and a half hours a day minimum- almost every day. I have included some of the work I have done on the screenplay but not all of it because there are some parts that are too top secret…by that I mean poorly written…for the public to see.

My film will not fit within the same mold of the wildlife/environmentalist nature documentary style films that are usually seen on this site. But the themes of my film are essentially driven by the love of earth, nature and the world around us. And the majority of the film takes place in the wilderness of the Sierra Nevada Mountains (where I call home).

The film as it stands now requires six speaking roles and I will need to start looking into local talent to act in the film.

The film will include John Muir and some of his quotes. If anyone has any idea of the legality of portraying John Muir (the famous naturalist) and the things he said or wrote on film I would greatly appreciate it. Are there any copyright issues with portraying a man who died just less than 100 years ago? He will be depicted in a very positive, almost heroic light. John Muir pretty much drives and motivates the main character.

The film takes place in the present but we will flashback on occasion to see John Muir.

The film takes place in the summer but all of the footage I shot for the first video is of the
winter. I won’t be able to use much of it but I did get some good ideas for location shooting. So the first part of my film is more of a storyboard than footage for the final product.

One of the main characters narrates some of his lines as he is alone in the wilderness during the second act.

The principal photography will take place this summer as I am a teacher with the summers off.

I was driven and very inspired for this film after reading the book “Heart of Darkness” by Joseph Conrad and reading this line from the book.

“The earth seemed unearthly, we are accustomed to look upon the shackled form of a conquered monster but there you could look upon a thing monstrous and free”…

Jeff

Jeff, I think you have a good starting point for the project. You have some things really well defined and you're dedicating time to it.

My advice would be, try a few avenues for sourcing actors. There may be theatre groups around - aim more for people who have done plays than musicals. A lot of people who have done just musicals or mostly musicals will be very hammy in their acting - not connected with real emotion. Some people in community theatre never get much beyond remembering their lines with a bit of blocking. Or maybe forcing a few cliched emotions throughout their lines.
I don't know of acting schools around there for film, television, theatre. Maybe there is, though most people with 'the dream' would probably move to LA.

Hopefully you can find the people you need - I think we all know what it's like trying to get others interested in our ideas. It will be good to see the progress you make.

Hi Jeff:

Cute ending to your clip... it gave me a laugh.

I'm impressed with your project. Story boards are difficult enough for me not to mention an acting script with a plot. Go for it! I'm interested to see how this progresses! Have you ever looked into the other forum with DV Info? I submitted a clip over Christmas when UWOL and DV Info combined for a charity challenge... and all of the films submitted from the DV Info side all had scripts with developed plots and actors. It would be something for you to check out and possibly enter sometime!

All the best!

Cat

jeff,

Great idea!!

Are you going to hike portions or all of the John Muir Trail for classic seirra footage???

As a youth we did a bit of it, spectacular!!

there is also a good book out on the John muir Trail, softback but very nice with interesting information on it!! Might be a useful rresource. I read it in the 70's so its a couple days old.

Jeff...

I have always enjoyed your work, and this one should add a new dimension. The challenge of shooting actors in a natural setting is something I have not had to deal with as yet.

Chris Barcellos and I have been doing some short films locally, and have available to us a small (and growing) cadre of semi-pro actors. They have been appearing in our films to help build their library and to add to their Show reel. One in particular came to my mind as you were describing your character. If you should need an actor to play the role, he might be willing and from your description might be a good fit. If you are interested I can send you a link to his website.

Chris S.

ps. On the roof??

Hi Jeff.
This seems like a great plan.
And a whole lot of work :)
I am not familiar with John Muir, so I can't help you there.
I wouldn't worry about not having wildlife in your film.
As you say; it's about having love for mother nature and that's what this is all about, is it not?
Looking forward to see your film Jeff.
Geir Inge

Jeff,
this sounds very interesting to me. Even if it don't have much "wild birds/animals" scenes!

I did a look up for John Muir Trail at Wikipedia to read more about it. A year ago I read a book called Into the Wild, later I got the film based on this book. This is a very good story about a guy who turn his back to civilisation and going out in the wild, where i die, starving to death.
I believe that you could pick some ideas from this film, which show some real nice scenes of the person trying to survive out in the wild.

The poem in my film Norwegian Wood was quoted from this film.

Wow Jeff,
You certainly have put a lot of effort into your script. With such detail i expect to see some really nice stuff in your film. The idea i think is great and look forward to seeing it.
Bryce

Jeff,
What a delightful story. What a daunting project. I’m really keeping my fingers crossed for you on this one because I want so much to see the final program. As for your legal question- I am not a lawyer. Do not take my legal advise. Having said that, everything John Muir wrote is now in public domain. It is perfectly legal to have your Muir character speak anything he published. As for portraying him, he was a noted public figure and, as such, neither he nor his heirs have the same expectations of right to privacy. I think you’re OK. Better check with a real lawyer. How I envy you the ability to write for an hour and a half a day. It’s a rare day now I can write for an uninterrupted hour. Also, you write well. The alliteration of the spittle splattering brought a smile.

That's certainly a different take on the long form challenge - at least compared with the ones I've looked at so far. No-one said this had to be specifically about wildlife! The journey idea is a good one, I hope you find suitable talent to complete it.

I couldn't help thinking "Rosebud, Rosebud" instead of "Chrysanthemum, Chrysanthemum"

I had to laugh at the end part of your film - but that was what it was meant for, wasn't it? I figure that ball of paper had to have looped the loop a couple of times on its way to the waste bin.

Your project looks very interesting. I had, like Per Johan, to read about John Muir at Wikipedia. It is always fun to learn something (stretch the horizon).
Your small project film is very well done.

Finn-Erik

Wow Jeff - looks like a masterpiece is in the making here. I truly admire your ability to write scripts like this. You seem to have a natural talent for creating and filming pretty ambitious movies.

Your footage is beautifully constructed - pity in a way most will go by the board.

One thing I really appreciate is how effectively you used sound. The technique you used in the scene with snow, crunching footsteps and description is very effective as the visuals left to the imagination are not difficult to imagine.

By the way - even though this is completely irrelevant to your movie - you do know the titles of the books in your bookshelf are in reverse don’t you?

My submission for this round is a video storyboard of the first few minutes of my film "The Pilgrimage".

I have been scouting locations that look as if they are out in the middle of nowhere but actually have vehicular access for ease of shooting with a small crew and actors. So most of the locations you see in this presentation are within 200 yards of a road.

I recently went to a screenwriting seminar and my waning energy for making this film has turned 180 to enthusiasm, positive energy and...anxiety.

This is going to be a long, tough process (more so than I ever imagined)…but I am looking forward to the challenge.

Comments I am looking for are

1. Whether or not the first few minutes will hold and entice the interest of an audience
2. If the pace is too slow...or fast
3. If the visuals make sense and tell a story
4. If this is a film you would sit down and watch
5. Whether the idea/story/themes are clear, muddy, or nonexistent.
6. Any comments, critiques or helpful information that will improve my filmmaking ability so that I can make the best possible film.

Thanks
Jeff

uploaded my submission to Vimeo The Pilgrimage storyboard first 6 minutes on Vimeo (http://vimeo.com/4691733)

Jeff...

You have a way of taking the environment and wrapping a story around it that is rare. I have been anxious to see what you had in mind... and maybe I should go sit on the roof to have insights as good as yours.

The scenery is familiar, and the story sounds like a wonderful one of time/age/ and understanding. I will be delighted to see it come together.

As you mentioned the "fading in and out of full consciousness" idea I was struck my the similarity between your film there and Dylan Coupers in the last DVChallenge. I think the "lensbaby" (Lensbaby (http://www.lensbaby.com)) might be your ticket here.

You have whet my appetite to see more. Great stuff...

Chris

ps. your VO was great.. tell how you captured it ?

Wow Jeff,
What a production! You have put a heck of a lot of thought into this, & it shows in this latest submission. I love the way you have set things up in this first part & can't wait to see more. Your shots are fantastic, the script is intriguing, & although it looks like you still have lots to do to put this all together, you look well on the way to making an incredibly professional piece. Do you have plans on marketing this? The way it's shaping up, i'm sure you could!
As i have said, i can't wait to see more!!!
Regards,
Bryce

Jeff,
This looks like it will be an intriguing piece. Knowing your story-telling skills, I think you will have no trouble holding the audience (even though your "Crysanthemum" may be a little too much like "Citizen Kane's "Rosebud"). The visuals are spectacular, but I would like to see your colors more vivid. Everything looks dusty. Using water as a vehicle to tie it all together is good, but because of it people will expect you to surpass your earlier entry "Touching Generations", which was a total masterpiece, the best thing I can remember from UWOL.
I'm sure you can do it.

Comments I am looking for are

1. Whether or not the first few minutes will hold and entice the interest of an audience
2. If the pace is too slow...or fast
3. If the visuals make sense and tell a story
4. If this is a film you would sit down and watch
5. Whether the idea/story/themes are clear, muddy, or nonexistent.
6. Any comments, critiques or helpful information that will improve my filmmaking ability so that I can make the best possible film.

Thanks
Jeff
Jeff, first of all excuse me that I've not commented your second part before now!

But I finally got time to do it and wow, you got some kind of a story here!
I'm a believer in your story. As a foreigner I'm not so familiar with the story of John Muir, but you hold my interest through your six minute story. I will definitive sit down and watch your finished story!
Your way of building up the story is very well executed. I like your visuals very much. Did you use any kind of jib/crane in your shots at the waterfall.
The narrating was very well done and easy to follow.

A minor comment to your edit: I could have liked that you faded out the ambient sound between clips instead of cutting it off as you did in this rough cut.

Looking very much forward to your next part!

I am watching the progress of this video in awe. You are obviously in full control of the entire process - from organizing crew and actors and equipment to filming - and it is developing beautifully. I thought I had taken on a lot but you have an enormous task here. Your footage is stunning to watch.

Jeff:

This has all the earmarks of a masterpiece in the making. You were wanting feedback as to whether the beginning holds interest. It is captivating. Your camera-work is masterful and your choice of music has filled it out nicely. It almost makes you feel like you are standing on a cliff in the grip of deciding whether you are going to jump off or not. I don't know why that comes to mind, but the video, narration... the entire experience is completely absorbing with the only important thing to do is watch to the end to understand the story of the pilgrimage, these two individuals and how it all weaves together.

Stunning! And you haven't really started yet!

Cat

Hi Jeff.
I think you are a true storyteller.
I'm from the old school and like a good story, told with words and pictures.
I think this will be a great film.
One of the thoughest thing in commenting other films, is that this it is just a part of a longer film. AND that I have to figure out how and what to wright in english :/ not so easy for a norwegian.

All the best.
Geir Inge

Hi Jeff - just as I said to Bryce - hope this is only down and not out. We have all been watching with intrigue and looking forward to your masterpiece in the making. We are missing you this round!

Marj

Jeff has already stated his intention to continue work on his project outside of the contest, it has evolved into something grand enough that it will take longer than a year...

Jeff, feel free to use your thread for feedback, as things get accomplished, or to accost individual players. We're all pulling for the completion of this and plan to come to your house for popcorn and a command screening when it is all done...