This is my third time entering the DV challenge and as I said in an earlier post this was by far the most ambitious. The main reason for that is Phil Holbrook. He had a good script and was able to wrangler together the people necessary for this to happen. Although it wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for the extra week! We shot on Saturday the 8th and Sunday the 9th. Probably 10-11 hours total shooting. Then spent a couple hours each night of the week editing, adding sound and FX. I had it done and uploaded Saturday around noon.

Our actors were troopers. Especially our main character and kids in the alley scene. It was 25 degrees out that day and Jared was in a T-shirt and no shoes! Needless to say we rushed through the scene pretty quick, going with 1 take in several cases.

I forgot to mention in the credits that all the music was from Digital Juice. Gotta love the stack traxx. The only full mix we used was the opening song.

Hope you enjoyed it and I look forward to the dialogue ahead.

Jeremy, very nice technical work. The lighting was excellent, the sound and soundtrack were nicely recorded and placed and overall the film had a very professional look to it.

Critical comments are that at one point during the resturaunt scene you "crossed the line" and reversed the shoulder over which the camera was filming the actress. Maybe it doesn't bother non film-makers but it stood out to my eye. I never really did get the story line. Lots of beautiful work, but in the end I wasn't sure what was going on exactly.

Chris Swanberg

1. I really liked the start titles, nice graphic. [+]
2. Good psychological problem - I agree with the actress, what you want and what you have to do are not necessary two different things.
In the words of the crusader in Indiana Jones - He chose poorly. [+]
3. Sometimes you jumped the 180° angle line, so it was a bit disorienting there. [-]
4. Great acting, my compliments to the actors! [+]
5. Zooming too sharp and too frequent in the interrogation room, and losing focus. [-]
Did you use auto focus? If so, I suggest you disable it: first zoom in, focus it, then zoom out, then shoot with the zoom. But the less zoom, the better, I think.
6. I'm a martial artist and think that that leg grab wouldn't have worked in real life, it coudln't have suffocated the guy, so the realism moment was lost for me in that sequence. [-]
7. The cigarette sequence is excellent though. [+]
8. Very noticeable fake gunshot and wounds, but we use what we have at our disposal.
9. The skater dudes were really funny! :) [+]
10. I liked the soundtrack throughout. [+]
11. Nice props. [+]
12. Very good mono/dialogue for characters. [+]

Overall it's very good and again compliments to the actors! And thank you for this film! :)

3. Sometimes you jumped the 180° angle line, so it was a bit disorienting there. [-]

Jumping the 180 was done very much on purpose. In the resturant scene it was used with visual cuts such as the hand on the martini glass or to close ups for creating unrest for two reasons, the uncomfortableness of the converstion and because it was dream sequence while he was being interrogated. During the interrogtion there's hand held, jumping the line, jump cuts, snap zooms and missed focus to help create tension. A bit of a Bourne approach, good or bad.


6. I'm a martial artist and think that that leg grab wouldn't have worked in real life, it coudln't have suffocated the guy, so the realism moment was lost for me in that sequence. [-]

It's called a triangle choke. The guy who performed it is a black belt in Jujutsu. The actor who received it actually tapped for submission when he was starting to pass out during the takes. To learn more about the triangle choke Triangle choke - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_choke)

It's called a triangle choke. The guy who performed it is a black belt in Jujutsu. The actor who received it actually tapped for submission when he was starting to pass out during the takes. To learn more about the triangle choke Triangle choke - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangle_choke)

Oh, ok, then I truly apologize. It seemed to me that he had enough space left below his chin for not to suffocate.

I didn't see the line jump until people pointed it out; the snap zooms were maybe a bit much for my taste, and I think the highlights in the restaurant are a little bloomy, but beyond that I wasn't distracted.

All the acting was top notch, my personal favorites being the interrogator (Fyodor? I'm not up on my Eastern European spelling) and the skaters. They all cracked me up, pass along my compliments!

I didn't see the line jump until people pointed it out; the snap zooms were maybe a bit much for my taste, and I think the highlights in the restaurant are a little bloomy, but beyond that I wasn't distracted.

All the acting was top notch, my personal favorites being the interrogator (Fyodor? I'm not up on my Eastern European spelling) and the skaters. They all cracked me up, pass along my compliments!

I'm with Robert. I loved the skaterboader dudes and Fyodor too. I thought it had a very professional look to it, and the CSI style zoom action seemed to be a director's choice.
I noticed the crossing the line, but given that it was a memory sequence, I buy that as director's choice too.

I thought the lighting, credits, and general look were all outstanding.

But I needed something there to make me care more about the guy being interrogated. Same thing with the girl. Ultimately, if we don't get a real reason to connect and care about the actors, then the protagonist is just another guy getting his head beat in.

Personally, I liked Fyodor more, he seemed to care about his work...

Oh, ok, then I truly apologize. It seemed to me that he had enough space left below his chin for not to suffocate.

Actually it would have been very nice to have enough space as we could only get 4 or 5 seconds a take before the tap of submission.

At first we didn't even know if we'd be able to pull it off as the physical size of the actors came into play. Ross (who played Fedor) was so much bigger than Jarod (the main character) that to even get him in the triangle choke was tight! It's much easier to do takes when one of your characters isn't getting choked out each take.

But I needed something there to make me care more about the guy being interrogated. Same thing with the girl. Ultimately, if we don't get a real reason to connect and care about the actors, then the protagonist is just another guy getting his head beat in.

We didn't do a good enough job of establishing the connection. When he flashes back to being hit by the rifle butt, it is actually the girl that hits him. I think that is easily missed. We were going to have her say his name right before she hit him, but obviously we didn't. I think that would have helped with the connection. Maybe not enough to make someone care however.

This short feels more like part of something bigger that was extracted. Or you can just take it upon yourself to draw conclusions.


Personally, I liked Fyodor more, he seemed to care about his work...

Yes, Ross Farro who played Fedor most definitely stole the show. He rocked. He was actually my personal favorite part of this short. Followed by the cigarette dropping sequence (over-cranked in camera, the second shot had additional slow mo added in post, then color treated using the basic color corrector and color corrector 3-way in FCP) and the opening track shot(a wheelchair in combination with the smoothcam filter in FCP).

When he flashes back to being hit by the rifle butt, it is actually the girl that hits him. I think that is easily missed.
Oh….so the girl ratted him out to the bad guys? Huh. I liked her until I read that. Does that mean she’s the one on the other end of the phone at the end? I thought maybe he was talking to his boss.

Your establishing shot was great--nice and smooth. So that's what a wheelchair can do with a little help in FCP. Nice.

I agree with Dick about not caring much about what happened to the guy getting the tar beat out of him. But I hate bullies and bad guys so much that I was happy to see whats-his-name get it right in the carotids.

This was a pretty professionally shot film, Jeremy. Nice job.

Jeremy:

Thought this was well done, and generally well acted. You had a nice ensemble of actors to work with. I wasn't sure what to make of the beautiful lady at the beginning, and whether his call at end was to her. They didn't sell a "hot in love" relationship at the restaurant scene. It came across as a strictly business relationship, though the script seemed to be about a personal relationship. I suspected she was the informer, but couldn't be sure within confines of film, and perhaps that is by intention.

Jeremy:
They didn't sell a "hot in love" relationship at the restaurant scene. It came across as a strictly business relationship, though the script seemed to be about a personal relationship. I suspected she was the informer, but couldn't be sure within confines of film, and perhaps that is by intention.

More of a beginning of Mr and Mrs. Smith type thing.

When I watched the film the first time, I had no idea what was going on. I also had to think about it a bit to figure out the 'Travel' connection. Maybe I'm dumb...

It wasn't clear to me the restaurant scene was a 'dream' sequence, until I watched it a few times.

If you had showed us more clearly WHO (as in the girl) had ratted on him, it would have been much clearer.

When the girl hits him with the rifle, you can't tell who it is. What could have helped tie it together was a piece of clothing or jewelry that she wears at the restaurant. Show that to the viewer at the rifle butt scene, and we'll put it together. I think that was your weakest link in the story.

But hey, I'm always trying to make clever films and not 'spoon feed' the audience. The difficulty with short films (of this length) is that you don't have much time to do it. And if you don't make it clear enough, people won't get it.

The dolly shot was great. I just thought you held it too long once the move finished. I was wanting a reverse to see their faces as he sat her down in the chair.

I liked the interrogation part (cinematic wise) the best. Great tight shots, the interrogator was good too. You took on a BIG job choreographing a fight sequence.

I loved how Fedor rolls toward the camera and cuts out the shot. Very nice!

The blood shots looked pretty good except the knife hit. the blood was too red/bright for the amount of light in the shot.

Your characters had 'character' which was great. Fedor was the best.

The audio of Fedor's 'handler/boss' was poor. It sounded like you just recorded the audio from Fedor's mic. I don't know how you recorded or what mic you used, but it would have been better to mic Fedor for his lines first, then inter-cut with his boss with his lines recorded separately. Or, ADR the few times we see his mouth move if he's 'WAY' over on the other side. Or, maybe he's just a silhouette or something in the corner. Just an idea.

All in all, a great job. As a fellow filmmaker, I know how much work goes into these things. It's also difficult finding people to work with you. I've had actors complain all evening wanting to know when we'll be done shooting.

When I watched the film the first time, I had no idea what was going on. I also had to think about it a bit to figure out the 'Travel' connection.

What did you come up with?


The audio of Fedor's 'handler/boss' was poor. It sounded like you just recorded the audio from Fedor's mic.

I was actually waiting for someone to comment on that. We had 2 lav mics and a shotgun. Unfortunately one of the lav mics had a bad cord and there was no way of replacing it during the shoot. We could have shot it all again micing the boss, but we hadn't alloted the time for that. So his audio is from the shotgun mic.

Same with the Skaterkid on the line "I've got an Iphone". Of course we were in a hurry as it was 25 degrees out so I just used what audio we had.

We could have gone ADR, but that would have meant getting the people back again and that just wasn't option with how much time I had to dedicate to this project.

The cigarette shot was very cool - very nicely shot film. I'm the most terrible audience though....I don't get it. I saw a dream sequence while the guy is getting beat up, then he escapes. I liked all the action except for one shot, when one of the guys points a gun at the back of the main character's head, and holds it there for a split second before getting the gun wrestled away. I would do it much faster - like how Bourne takes out his enemies before they even have time to react. Always an ambitious task to shoot action in a low budget film though...bravo for taking on the challenge.

Well, I noticed at the beginning the girl guessed the guy was going on another trip. That's all I noticed. Maybe there was more.

At the end, he wondered where he was, so maybe he traveled before being interrogated.

I liked all the action except for one shot, when one of the guys points a gun at the back of the main character's head, and holds it there for a split second before getting the gun wrestled away.

Here's the theory behind that shot. He puts the gun to his head wanting to shot him, but can't him because the main character still has the information they need thus they need him alive. This creates the hesitation that gives him a chance to wrestle the gun away.

That's theory anyway.

As for getting it. We'll just leave it open to interpretation.

I don't usually post until after the judging but I wanted to say this now because in all likelihood I'll forget it later. LOL

At the end of "The Usual Suspects", Kevin Spacey's character kind of revisits the past events only this time audience gets to see the truth. IMHO this film could have used some device like that. More on this and all the other films later, just wanted to get that one out.

I really admired the lighting and color work in this film. The Dolly/Wheelchair shot set my expectations high from the get-go. I kinda suspected that his girlfriend had been the force behind his suffering, but that could have used more emphasis, I think. As others have mentioned, good job actually coordinating a fight scene and maintaining a level of believability throughout. Well done.

Nice piece, and a bold undertaking to say the least! I think everyone covered most of my comments. In addition, I really liked the color. Looks like you did a bit of color grading to get a certain look and feel to your piece. It's a nice detail, and the work is certainly noticed.

Hi Jeremy,

Sorry for the late post, I have been swamped at work and trying to get these reviews together.

Right off the bat I want to say I admire the amount of work that went into this short. As mentioned above, the titles were great, and the opening shot was excellent. I said to our group, "I need to ask if he used a dolly or stabilizer for that shot..." Turns out, neither, nice work.

We hear the girl ask for a drink right off the bat, but it didn't fit for me. I would expect her to order the drink after she sat, or else establish that she was at the bar to begin with.

The sequence at the table was pretty good, your cast did a decent job of getting the point across. I do have to say, I didn't like the music over the whole opening sequence, it didn't match the mood. The music was trying to make the piece 'relaxed' or maybe even funny, and it wasn't really that at all.

Someone mentioned crossing the 180 line (didn't know what that was called before, but I definately saw it), and I didn't think it added intensity to the sequence, it said to me that you kinda know what you want, but either you're experimenting, or losing the battle to old habits.

The transition where he gets punched in the face was great, and Fedor was awesome. That line, "Feels good, yes?" was perfect. I'm paying attention now, this film just went from 'ok' to 'cool'.

I noticed the audio from the boss guy was off right off, and I guessed that Fedor had a lav, but I couldn't find any hint of it, nice work. The music over this sequence was good, it didn't distract me from getting into things. The russian accents wavered a bit, and it seemed like the boss guy was struggling with his lines, there were a couple unnatural pauses in there, but otherwise he did a nice job.

The part with the rifle butt in the face was shot nice, but he reached for his pistol really slow, like he was going scare whatever he was shooting at, and if what he was going to shoot was so far away (those were pretty damn big binoculars), how was he going to hit it with the pistol? You used a white flash when the rifle but comes towards the camera, I would have cut right to black.

The shaky camera bit was done quite well, I would have dialed it back about 15%, some of it was a little too much (but nothing like Bourne ultimatum, 10 minutes in I had a headache).

Fedor punches this guy in the face a half-dozen times, but after the 3rd I was thinkin, "that big russian could make meatloaf out of 1/2" plate steel, and this guy's not making any noise?" At the end I get that it fits the story when he finally makes some noise. He didn't have any bruises on his left cheek (he has hit there a couple times), but otherwise the makeup was great.

The triangle choke: I appreciate that the fellow is a black belt and the choke was legit, I just wanted to voice that I didn't buy it when I watched it. It just says to me that hollywood has to glorify and exaggerate everything just enough for us to believe something on screen. If they shot it like it is, we would probably get bored.

The cigarette butt: I would have slowed the 'bounce' of the cigarette down like 200-300% to draw suspense, but otherwise the shot was definately a "how'd he do that?".

The fight sequence was well shot, I haven't tried to put one of these together yet, but I recognize the time and effort put into making the cut work. I think you did well. For the limited amount of time we all had, you did great with the cg blood. On the 42" it actually looked convincing (sometimes compression works in your favor?), and a couple people jumped when the old guy got stabbed in the hand.

The establishing shot in the alley was nice. It seemed an eternity for the kid to put the phone in his hand, I would have cut that way short. In the end when he made the call, I had no idea who he was calling.

Overall this short scored high in technical for me, it was pretty easy to get into. The color was great, the photography was good, and the audio quality was quite good. I didn't totally get the travel theme, but it wasn't much of a stretch. In the end, if you could have spoon-fed me the part about the girl a little better, this film would have gone from 'ok' to 'awesome'.

Great filmmaking :)
Aaron