I just finished this short film and would really love some feedback! This is the first thing I have ever posted, so I am a little nervous. It is called "3:10 to Recess" and is about children's imagination.

http://www.vimeo.com/754479

I also would really like to thank everyone for the wealth of information and knowledge that has been posted on these forums. As a beginner, I have really really learned a lot from everyone. So thank you!

This was shot with my Canon XHA1 and edited with FCP


- Takashi

Super Cool! Thanks for sharing. I loved it!

that was pretty funny I liked it. How would it have looked if you didn't desaturate so much? Or did you do a bleach bypass present in camera?

Either way it still looked pretty cool. All of the OTS's looked great.

i loved it! very creative and well shot! i have to ask though, how did u export out of final cut?! i can never get my stuff to look that clear!

Thanks for all of the positive feedback!

All of the footage was originally shot in VividRGB settings. I altered and de-saturated the color for the western scenes and the plane sequence in order to contrast imagination versus reality.

I shot and edited everything in HD. I exported the file for Vimeo using "Quicktime Conversion," H.264 encoding, and at "1280x720 HD." Other size settings gave me strange aspect ratio problems with the Vimeo encoding. However, if the movie is going to DVD, I use Compressor's DVD settings and DVD Studio Pro. Those seem to be the best work flows that I have found for Vimeo and DVD with Final Cut Pro.

Are there things that you don't like about it?

i still dont get such great quality =) but ill have to play around, uhmm yeah the last shot wasnt really my taste, with the plane, to shakey, also the shot in the car. but might have been the style you wantedd =) either way great film

I thought it was great as well. If I can offer any constructive criticism, it would
be to maybe draw some kind of correlation or hint at the beginning of the film between the school ground scenes and the western scenes. I was sitting here thinking: "ok, another short film with a pointless intro scene". Obviously that wasn't the case.
Either way, good job and I look forward to seeing more.

Here's a setting few of us ever think to utilize while we are tweaking R, G and B: the Grid Setting. Menu, Display Setup, Markers, Grid. This will break the image into nine rectangles also called the Rule of Thirds. These lines help the photographer compose his shot and keep the subject out of the middle of the picture. Most still photographers live by this rule. Often a composed shot looks more pleasing to the eye if the subjects are placed off center horizontally and vertically. I was looking at your horizon lines and they are all centered. Perhaps to get the feel of the big sky western look you could move the horizon down to the lower third and keep the sky in the upper two thirds.

I also agree with others, the plane shot doesn't work for me. The western theme was well done, stick to that, imo. And I am a big fan of Bleach Bypass look either in camera or post. The advantage to making changes in post is that it is easier to take away the color than to try to add color.

Hey steve, thanks a lot for the tips. You are right, I think moving the horizon down to the lower third line might really enhance it. I will definitely keep the grid feature in mind for future projects. Thank you!

Well I liked the story and you are of course, above all other things a storyteller. I think some of the edits could have been tighter during the dueling scene and agree with the comment about the horizon. Right around the 35 second mark is a skip in the audio that's pretty pronounced(might be a vimeo thing). Other than that the sound is very good.


You did a good job matching action on scene transitions, the plane cut to the van sort of falls flat though. I think the plane shot would work great if you would have cut back right as he entered the plane.


No reason to be nervous, you did a very fine job with this film!

Thanks for the nice comments. Unfortunately, the sound skip is on the original file, which is very very inconvenient. I am really glad to hear that otherwise the sound was good.

I am on the fence a little bit regarding the plane sequence. As a college student with no resources, getting access to a plane and working very hard on the tracking shot outward was really difficult. With this in mind, I would hate to cut out most of the plane. However, if it would strengthen the piece, then it is obviously something I will play around with. The other issue, is I love how the music fit currently, so I wonder how the timing of the end music would change...

Thanks for the nice comments.
I am on the fence a little bit regarding the plane sequence. As a college student with no resources, getting access to a plane and working very hard on the tracking shot outward was really difficult. With this in mind, I would hate to cut out most of the plane. However, if it would strengthen the piece, then it is obviously something I will play around with. The other issue, is I love how the music fit currently, so I wonder how the timing of the end music would change...

Yes, but the plane doesn't seem to fit into the story. Your establishment shots in the beginning of the film are playground shots.

Regarding the access to an airplane comment; having been around planes for a couple years, I know that pilots are big on ego! I am sure if you head down to the local airport you could find someone who would love to let you make their plane famous. All you have to do is ask; the worst anyone could do is say no. Two things: have the main character close the door during the tracking shot, and no one would step into their plane in a hangar for take off.

I think what everyone is trying to say is that you have a really good concept. It just needs to be tweaked a bit. There are plenty of stories of directors having to cut their favorite scene in the final edit because it doesn't work.

noticed the Sergio influence... nice little ode to Mr. Leone!

Lonnie

Very good!

A few things I would have changed...

I would have had them pull their guns out, and on a close up of one of the guns have the mother calling out their name and switch to the two boys on the playground holding their hands up pretending like they had guns.

I would have also left the part out about the mini van in the end and would have left with him getting on the plane...leaving the imagination of the children minds open instead of showing that they are kids, since we did that already.

Additionally, the kid was smiling a little too much at the end like he had just won the lottery or had just gotten his first kiss/fallen in love or something.

Other than that, the cinematography was great. Loved the camera angles and the saturated look!

One more added thing, I would have probably had the adult actor in the last scene donning a "Indiana Jones" style hat and have him get on a horse and ride off to music that is similar to the Indiana Jones movies.

That's not TOO Hollywood, is it? ;)

Thanks for noticing the Sergio Leone reference. Thats exactly what I was going for!

Originally, I had written the script and actually put together the entire film ending when the adult actor enters the plane. There was no van shot or smiley kid shot. However, once it all was said and done, everyone who watched it agreed that it was missing something- that we needed to go back to the kid for the finale.

Regarding the guns, we chose not to withdraw them because of the many recent shootings and violence in college campuses and schools. The last thing we wanted was for our (hopefully) lighthearted and enjoyable story of imagination to be, in any way, misinterpreted with school violence.

I didn't even think of doing an Indiana Jones reference. That may have been really neat! At the time, I just wanted a different persona for the boy to imagine. Do you think Indiana Jones would have been too similar looking to the Western, and the effect would be lost?

Haha! the kid actor does smile a little too much, doesnt he?

Thank you for the comments everyone, I am taking all of the criticism to heart and will hopefully come up with the best version possible. I can't say how helpful the people on this forum really are.

A really great idea and story. I look forward to seeing more of your work.

I liked it.

Colin

it reminded me of those old cartoons where the kid is always fantasizing in school - different heroic adventures that take him in the deep, or into space, or the jungle etc - it would always start with him gazing at something existing in the room that transformed

I loved the creativity - the comments were good - would have been nice to mimic some of the school yard bits in the fantasy scenes to tie them in a bit more - ie if the landscape of the western had rocks and objects in similar places to the playground items when it melds back in

I understand the plane comments being a bit out of context - if you'd had three different scenarios it might have been more balanced. Or stick with the one western.

interesting angles on some of the western shots. The only shot I wanted to see slightly different was the far away horizon one where their heads were too close to the horizon, cancelling themselves out somewhat - a more exaggerated shot would have added more drama, or some dutch angles

the really low angles from the feet were unusual - made the far away person look like a tiny person from land of the giants - which in context with the idea of the film, fits

good creative piece

trish

I know this post is a bit old, but I need some help!

I am trying to take out the Gators Symbol on the plane in one of the final sequences but I am not sure how to do it. It is kind of difficult because the shot dolleys out. I have Final Cut Studio 2 and Motion. Is there an easy way to accomplish this?

I don't use Final Cut or Motion, but I do use Boris Red that has a tracking/mask function or whatnot & in this case I would track in reverse since the logo starts offscreen. Maybe Motion has something similar.

I'm amazed at the vibrance of the colour in the opening playground sequence. Is this all in camera via a preset or colour corrected in post?

Its all in a preset. Stephen Dempsey's VividRGB to be exact. That thread has been stickied in these forums so do a search. Thank you for the compliment!

Oh and I have successfully motioned out the logo on the plane. I havent had the chance to upload the new version yet, however.

That was a pretty solid short Takashi. Pretty good all around with some good shots, good acting and good edit. I liked the story too, simple and effective.

For your critical demographic research I will offer my 2 cents of opinions.

I didn't notice the hozions issue until reading about the posts here. Good suggestion as while it may not be consciously recognized that most of the horizons are through the middle...the shots would just as subconciously seem bigger and more dramatic with some rule of thirds framing.

I did notice immediately the dirt on the actors faces even in low res...
(I'm on dialup sometimes)
Thought the few dark bits of dirt on their faces runied a pretty good shot.

Audio was good but off sounding during some lines of dialog in the field shots. I'd treat it a bit, making it blend with the wild audio more.

The plane/van shots could have been different to work a little tighter. It's a long slow dolly away from the plane that seems like a final reveal shot (but it's not) which doesn't work for me.
The actor could have closed the doors on the plane
/cut/
kid closing door on van and drives away
/cut/
back to actor getting into flightseat,donning headset,flipping switches (jet powering up sounds)
/cut/
behind the plane (with crane would be great) shot over the tail with the hanger doors opening to brightness.
/fade to credits/

The kid smiling in the minivan shot could have faded in and out during the credits (he's got a odd look going on which is kinda mezmerizing).

Very fine work and something to be proud of! Hope you do many more.

All the best,
James

Thank you so much for the nice comments! I agree that the plane/van sequence could have been shot tighter and I like your suggestion. As with any project (especially low-budget and student work), nothing seems to work out quite as planned and everything becomes a learning experience. I am sad to hear that the dirt on the face ruined those shots for you. I loved the detail and thought it added some grit and realism to the image of the cowboy.

Exciting news! We just found out that it won Audience Choice Award at the 10th Annual Cinerama, so thanks to everyone on this forum for all of their help!